


As Long As You Love Me

by foxbm



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-06-10 16:42:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 53,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6964900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxbm/pseuds/foxbm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grey's Anatomy version of Clarke and Lexa. </p><p>Lexa and Clarke have a one night stand. Imagine Clarke's surprise when she discovers Lexa is actually an attending at the hospital she's starting her internship at.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Concussion

**Author's Note:**

> So, Pretty much like the summary. I started to rewatch Grey's Anatomy and thought it'd be interesting to do a Clarke/Lexa version of Meredith/Derek. If you've never seen Grey's it's fine. If you do than some of this might be familiar. I did change it up some though so it's not exactly the same. Don't worry. No main characters will die. It may get angsty from time to time, but I'm not in it to hurt you guys. Also, I travel around a bit so updates will come when they do. (It won't be more than a month for me to update). Also, I own nothing from either show so no copyright infringement intended.

The alarm blared and blared into Clarke’s right ear. Reluctantly, Clarke opened her eyes and groaned as the sunlight blinded her. She moved her arm to cover her eyes in an attempt to stop the hammer pounding her head harder and harder. 

“Ugh, turn it off..” A voice groaned from somewhere near her. 

Clarke shot up, startled at the sound. She tried to replay the events of the night before hoping it would provide her with an explanation for the voice coming from what seemed to be the ground besides her. 

There was a bar. There was tequila shots. Raven daring her to take vodka shots. A girl. A beautiful girl. With green eyes and brown hair. There was gazing. There were hellos. There was talking. There was flirting. There was kissing. A taxi. Clothes removed. Oh god, the sex. 

“Seriously, I’m sleeping here.” The voice groaned once more not bothering to move from her position on the floor. 

Clarke looked down besides her position on the couch and saw a bare, toned back nicked with scars and a long tattoo that ran along the girl’s spine. There was a brown duvet barley covering enough of the girl’s bottom and legs. 

The alarm clock continued to ring from her phone and she reached to shut it off, noticing she was just as naked as the girl sprawled on her living room floor. 

“Thanks. Much appreciated.” The girl mumbled once the beeping stopped. 

Clarke would have laughed at her current predicament any other day, but today was not any other day. Today was her first day as a surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital. And she was already running late.

“Shit. You need to go. I’m late.” 

“Late? Are you a church goer? Who is late at 7am on a Sunday morning?” The girl finally rolled over, not seeming to care she was very much naked. 

Clarke felt her cheeks blush at the sight of the girls perfect chest and let herself stare for just a moment before shaking her head. 

“Nope. You won’t distract me. I have work. You need to go. My roommates, they’ll never let me live it down if they find you here. In our living room. Naked.” 

“You didn’t seem to mind my nakedness last night. In fact you ripped my shirt off. Into shreds. Quite impressive. First time that’s ever happened to me.” 

Clarke grabbed the duvet from where it was wrapped around the girl’s waist and covered her body with it. She grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at the girl.

“Send me the bill. But, seriously. You need to go.”

“Sure, by the way. I’m Lexa.” 

The girl hopped from the ground, stretching her hand out for Clarke to shake, smirk firm on her face.

“Clarke. Thanks. For last night. It was fun.” Clarke shook her hand. 

“Yeah, I live to please. We should do it again some time. You’re the most gorgeous women I’ve ever laid my eyes on.”

Clarke smiled shaking her head again, taking in the sight of the women before her. Pillow covering her bottom front, leaving her boobs and perfectly defined abs exposed. 

“You’re charming, I’m going to take a shower and when I come back down here, you will be gone. Bye, Lexa.”

The girl just smirked and nodded as Clarke quickly made her way up the stairs before she’d be tempted to let anything more happen between them both. 

“See you around, Clarke.” Lexa chuckled as she pulled her ripped shirt from in between couch cushions shaking her head.  
———

"A month ago, you were in med school being taught by doctors. Today... you are the doctors. The years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point…”

Clarke stumbled into the OR room she was told the rest of the interns were in. She was thirty minutes late and eyes were on her as the Chief paused and shot a burning glare her way. 

“Dr. Griffin, I’m glad you could join us..” The Chief stated before continuing with her speech.

Clarke felt the red rush to her cheeks as half of her fellow interns chuckled and the other half gave sympathetic looks. No one wanted to be on chief’s bad side.

"Look around you. Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play, that's up to you…Now once you get back to your locker rooms, your resident will be waiting for. You all should know who you are assigned to. And remember we save lives here, take your position seriously.” The Chief finished, gesturing for the interns to head back to the locker room. 

“Dr. Griffin, a word please.” The Chief said as the interns filed out of the room. 

Clarke sighed and waited till the room was empty.

“Mom, I can explain..”

“You were late. On your first day. Do you have any idea how that makes you look, Clarke? How it makes me look?” Abby asked, clearly disappointed at her daughter. 

Clarke remained silent knowing very well her mother was right. As it was, people would already be giving her a tough time, given that her mother was the chief of surgery. 

“I know. I’m truly sorry. It won’t happen again.” Clarke mumbled, playing with the stethoscope around her neck. 

Abby sighed and gave her daughter a hard look. 

“Your resident is Lincoln. Don’t think just because he’s like family, you can slack off. This job is important, Clarke. People’s lives our in our hands, your hands. Don’t take it lightly. Now, hurry to locker room. I’m sure he’s already waiting for you.” Abby spoke before leaving the OR, not giving a chance for Clarke to say anything back. 

Clarke silently cursed herself. She didn’t take this lightly. In fact she knew very well the importance of this job and what it meant to be a doctor. Hell, her mother was chief of surgery. But she knew she messed up and she’d have to find a way to prove herself again and make sure her mom knew she deserved to be here.   
———

“So, last night. I saw you went home with the blonde…”

“I thought you left before me…”

“Nope, me and Lincoln were shooting darts in the back. How was it?”

Lexa ignored Anya’s question and pretended to focus her attention on a patient’s chart right in front of her. 

“That bad, huh?” Anya laughed looking at some blood work one of her interns had handed her. 

Lexa shook her head no. The night was not bad at all. In fact it was probably one of the best nights Lexa had had in a very long time. She walked into the bar, thinking she’d just cut loose with her best friend and brother like they had been doing for the last two months, playing darts and drinking cheap beer. She had no idea she’d make eye contact with a gorgeous blonde woman and fall in love. 

“Quite the opposite actually.” Lexa closed the chart and handed it to one of the nurses behind the nurse station with a smile. 

“So, what’s the problem.” Anya looked up from the blood work, waiting for an explanation. 

“Nothing. We had a good time last night. I left my number on her fridge and decided to bless this hospital with my presence.” Lexa joked as she grabbed a coffee from an intern walking by. 

Anya stared at her funny, knowing there was more to it then her best friend was letting on. 

“You liked her, huh? That’s why your acting all weird.” 

“The Commander likes who?” Lincoln came up to them, several interns walking like ducks behind him. 

Lexa shook her head and ignoring Anya’s teasing stare. 

“Wait, last night…Anya said you left the bar with some blonde chick. Nice job, Lex. Anya, didn’t think anyone would go for you. Way to get back on the horse.” 

“I was never off the horse, Lincoln. And of course she’d go for me. I’m hot and dreamy.” 

“Never say that again. Ever.” Anya made a gagging noise. 

“What that I’m dreamy? I’m pretty dreamy.” Lexa replied taking a sip from her coffee. 

“I don’t know…interns…do you guys think Dr. Woods here is dreamy?” Lincoln asked the fresh out of med-school kids behind him.

They all looked at each other not sure if they were supposed to answer or not. 

“Yeah, I’d say you’re hot and dreamy.” One of them replied. 

Lexa looked at where the voice came from and found a very attractive brunette smirking at her like she was ready to climb her like a tree. Lexa blushed and quickly looked away. 

“Nope, her opinion doesn’t count. She’s an intern. They’ll say anything right now.” Anya said before walking off to the OR for another surgery. 

Lexa took another sip from her coffee trying to forget that this whole conversation was taking place. 

“I’ve got rounds, but we still down for food later?” Lincoln asked curiously as his interns whispered behind him. 

Lexa caught the eyes of the brunette again who was not ashamed or hiding what so ever at how hot and dreamy she thought Lexa was. 

“Sure. I enjoy our brother and sister time.” Lexa spoke looking away from the intern quickly, not wanting to encourage whatever the intern was thinking. 

Lincoln smiled before punching his little sister in the arm and walking away, interns following right behind. 

“Goodbye, Dr. Woods.” The brunette said, trying to catch Lexa’s eyes again. 

Lexa just nodded and quickly took off down the hall. The last thing she wanted was an intern thinking she was interested. Besides, she knew it was never a good idea to date someone you work with, especially an intern.   
Lexa felt her cell buzz in her pocket, distracting her from her thoughts, and reached to pull it out. Instead, she found her self bumping into another body and dropped the cell, watching the screen shatter right before her very eyes. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” A somewhat familiar voice panicked, reaching the same time as Lexa for the phone, but instead colliding forehead into Lexa’s nose. 

Lexa stumbled back in pain feeling warm liquid trickle down her upper lip and chin before tripping over an IV stand behind her. Falling to the ground, hitting her head on the floor. 

“Owww.” Lexa groaned, covering her nose with her hand not even sure of what was hurting more. Her nose, her head, or her ego.

“OH MY GOD, ARE YOU OKAY?!?” The voice asked more frantic this time. 

Lexa looked up above her, surprised, and unable to believe her luck. 

“I know you were upset about being late this morning, Clarke, but honestly I don’t think I deserved this.” Lexa tried to joke as she attempted to get up from the ground. 

Instead, she stumbled into the blonde whose face was one of mixed emotions as she caught Lexa before she could fall again. 

“Not funny. I think I broke your nose. Also, maybe a concussion.” Clarke responded seriously, helping Lexa onto a hospital bed nearby. 

Lexa would have laughed, but she was getting very dizzy and things were blurry. Clarke was probably right about the concussion. 

“Hey, Dr. Woods, don’t close your eyes okay. You may have a concussion.” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s face observing her nose and applying a piece of gauze to stop the bleeding. 

Lexa could tell now from the throbbing pain and nausea that she very well had a concussion. She was a trauma surgeon after all. But she figured she’d let Clarke have her fun for a moment. In fact, embarrassment aside, she was quite happy Clarke had stumbled into her. Lexa kind of had the feeling that Clarke wasn’t going to call and that she’d never get to see the beautiful blonde again. 

“So, this morning it was Lexa, now it’s Dr. Woods. Are you always so formal with people you sleep with?” Lexa mumbled while Clarke shined a light into her pupils. 

“Keep your voice down. People might hear you.” Clarke replied putting the light into her white doctor’s coat and applying her fingers onto Lexa’s nose. 

“Are you worried people might….OW, MOTHER OF GOD!” Lexa shouted after Clarke put her nose back in place.

Lexa could have sworn she saw Clarke grin, but let it go as she reached for the nearest trash can to throw up in. 

She definitely had a concussion. And if that didn’t make it worse. She had just puked in front of Clarke. Not something she wanted the woman she had a major crush on, and also slept with, to see. 

“What the hell is happening here? Lex, you look like you got your ass kicked.” Lincoln came into the hospital room Clarke dragged her to, interns still in tow. 

“I thought you were on rounds.” Lexa groaned holding on to the trash can not sure she was done with it yet. 

Lincoln came up and grabbed her face, examining it just like Clarke had. 

“Lost an intern. Found her here with you. Brief me Griffin.” 

“Well, um, Lexa..I mean Dr. Woods, well I accidentally broke her nose and it seems I’ve also given her a concussion.” Clarke replied looking as embarrassed as Lexa felt. 

Lincoln looked at both girls curiously, still holding Lexa’s face in his hand.

“You two know each other?” Lincoln asked.

“Yes.”

“No.” 

Both girls said at the same time. 

“Interesting. Well, Lexa, I’m afraid Dr. Griffin is right. You’ve got a broken nose and a killer concussion. Dr. Griffin, get Dr. Woods here checked in. I’d like to keep her here for a 24 hour observation. Also, since you’re the one that apparently assaulted her, you will be the one observing her. I’m certain you know what signs to look for. I want to be updated every two hours.” 

“Linc, not necessary. I’m totally fine.” Lexa tried to get up, only to be pushed back onto the bed by both Clarke and Lincoln. 

“No, you’re not.” Clarke simply responded, Lexa unable to get a read on whether or not Clarke was upset or okay with her new babysitting duty.

“Whose side are you on here?” Lexa asked Clarke who was now avoiding looking at her altogether. 

“Lex. Don’t be difficult. You have a concussion. You know this is serious.  Rest. Watch TV. Eat jello. Listen to my intern. I’ll be back around lunch. Behave.” Lincoln gave his sister a serious look before taking Clarke off to the side and speaking quietly with her. 

Lexa watched, mostly just looking at Clarke, before someone got in her view. 

“Would you rather I observe you Dr. Woods? I’m sure the other Dr. Woods wouldn’t mind..” The brunette from earlier spoke almost suggestively as she got close to Lexa.

Lexa instinctively backed away, not used to someone being so forward with her, especially in front of other people. 

“Dr. Snow, Dr. Woods will be just fine with Dr. Griffin. We have rounds to finish up.” Lincoln interrupted before Lexa had to say anything. 

The brunette slightly frowned before turning away to join the other interns. Lexa let out a sigh of relief, glad she wouldn’t have to be watched by that one. If she was going to be observed for 24 hours, she much rather it be by Clarke. 

-

“So. You’re an intern?” Lexa asked as Clarke pulled up a chair besides Lexa’s bedside. 

Clarke nodded and grabbed the remote attached to the hospital bed and turned on the tv hoping it would make for a nice distraction between the two. 

“Are you upset? You seem upset. Which is odd given I’m the one with a broken nose and injured head.” Lexa tried again, Clarke feeling her gaze while she flipped through channels on the TV. 

“I’m not upset, Dr. Woods. I’m sorry. For the nose and the head thing.” Clarke finally responded settling on some sitcom and placing the remote back on the hospital bed. 

“Back to Dr. Woods. You know, I thought we had a good time last night.”

“We did. But you’re practically my boss. It’s not appropriate.” 

“Well, neither is breaking my nose, but hey. These things happen.”

“That was an accident.” 

“Have dinner with me. When I’m not dizzy and puking in trash cans.” 

“Lexa.” 

“I thought it was Dr. Woods.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Clarke turned to look at Lexa who looked like a beautiful mess, a real mess, but a damn beautiful one at that. Blood from her nose had begin to dry on her face and she seemed a little paler than Clarke remembered. Her scrubs were also a bit disheveled and she looked like she was in a good amount of pain from the migraine she had to be feeling. Clarke immediately began to feel bad. Yeah, she kind of gave Lexa the boot this morning, but in her defense this job took place over a one-night stand, no matter how amazing the sex had been and how drop dead gorgeous the company was. However, Clarke had not in her wildest imagination expected to run into Lexa at the hospital, much less find out she was a doctor here as well. 

They hadn’t really done much talking the night before. Clarke faintly remembers seeing Lexa across the bar and both their eyes meeting. She remembers thinking how mesmerizing the girl looked and giving her a playful smirk hoping Lexa would take the hint and come over. Eventually, she did and one thing led to another. Now that Clarke thought about, it was so cliche and such an unoriginal way to pick up someone, but damn there was just something about how drawn Clarke had felt towards Lexa and even though she knew she had work in the morning, Clarke couldn’t resist taking the girl home with her. And so she did, and surprisingly here they were. 

“I’m really sorry about your nose and head. Shit, I also broke your phone.” Clarke apologized again remembering Lexa’s broken phone she put in her lab coat pocket and pulled it out. 

The screen was shattered and no way salvageable. Clarke handed it to Lexa who just shrugged and put it on the table besides the bed. Clarke watched as Lexa put the garbage can she barfed into on the other side of the hospital bed carefully. It was obvious the girl needed to rest and so Clarke got up from the chair and helped Lexa lay back. 

“I’m fine, Clarke.” Lexa repeated weakly, not looking fine at all. 

Clarke observed her once more before taking her seat back on the chair. She couldn’t get over how terrible she was feeling about this whole accident and prayed word wouldn’t get back to her mom that she had broken a doctor’s nose and gave her a concussion. 

“Eyes open, Lexa.” Clarke said gently, understanding how much Lexa must’ve wanted to sleep right now. 

“Easy for you to say, Dr. Griffin. You’re not the one who was attacked.” Lexa mumbled, reluctantly opening her eyes. 

Clarke laughed and found herself reaching out to grab Lexa’s hand. 

“I’m truly sorry for giving you a broken nose, but honestly you’re the one who tripped over the IV stand…” Clarke joked, but keeping a serious face. 

Lexa faked a hurt face, but didn’t seem to have a problem with Clarke’s hand still on hers.

“Also, I’m sorry for kicking you out this morning. Well, not really. I had work, but I think you know what I mean.” Clarke added staring at Lexa’s hand in hers before remembering that even though she was the one who initiated the hand holding, anyone could walk in and she was nowhere near ready to try and explain what was going on between her and Lexa. 

So, she let go of Lexa’s hand and leaned back into her chair. Ignoring Lexa’s piercing gaze once again. 

“We should forget it happened.” Clarke sighed after another moment of silence.

“What? You sleeping with me last night or you throwing me out this morning? Two memories I’m very fond of by the way.”

Clarke was almost certain, the brunette was smirking at her.

“Nope, no memories. You and me can’t be a…whatever this is..You get that right?”

“You took advantage of me, and now you want to forget about it.”

Clarke nearly jumped from her chair, even though she knew Lexa was probably joking. Yeah, she had flirted first and maybe she got handsy, but that was just the tequila. In no way did she take advantage of the other doctor. 

“I did not!” Clarke exclaimed.

Lexa leaned back in the bed. Throwing one of her arms over her eyes. 

“I was drunk, vulnerable, and good-looking, and you took advantage.” Lexa mumbled as if she was hurt. Clarke would have believed it if there wasn’t a smug smile on her face. 

“Okay, I was the one who was drunk and you’re not that good looking.”

“I was last night. You said so yourself. Many, many, times, if you get my drift..”

“Dr. Woods…” Clarke shook her head again. So much head shaking and it wasn’t even noon yet. 

“I had my black sweater on. My nice black sweater. You took advantage.” Lexa sighed dramatically. 

“You can take advantage again, though. I’ll allow it. Friday morning? Are you free? Let me make you breakfast.”

“No. You’re an attending. I’m an intern. It’s inappropriate.”

“Look, Clarke…this isn’t Grey’s Anatomy. We are two very attractive adults. We can be mature. I can be mature. If we break up or whatever. If that’s what you worried about…”

“You think we’d break up?” Clarke asked curiously, forgetting how she wasn’t supposed to be encouraging this.

“No. I’ve ruined you for anyone else. Just like you’ve ruined me for anyone else. I say we’re married by this time next year.”

“Are you a neurosurgeon? Because that would explain the ego.”

“Shhh, my head hurts.”

“So, breakfast. Friday?”

“Inappropriate.” Clarke muttered getting up from the chair to check Lexa’s pupils again.

“Well. I guess I have 23 hours and 41 minutes to humor you.”

“Humor me?” Clarke asked holding Lexa’s chin in her hand, eyeing the doctor carefully. 

“Yeah. Use some cheesy pick up lines. Serenade you, make eyes with you, make romantic declarations…” Lexa stared back too intensely for someone with a concussion and injured nose.

Clarke almost smiled, but opted for taking a seat back in her chair grabbing the remote and switching the channels again. Anything to distract her from the fact that she had spent the previous night making love to her attending, her boss, mentor, whatever you wanted to call her, and now that she really thought about it, she wasn’t entirely sure she truly regretted it. 


	2. Natural Selection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad you guys liked the first chapter. This is fun.

“Dr. Griffin, Dr. Woods any trouble? She can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.” Lincoln walks into the now quiet room after Clarke had finally deemed Lexa okay to sleep. 

“No she was fine. She did try to make an escape, but was caught by a nurse.” Clarke laughed replaying the memory in her head. 

Lincoln smiled and walked up the bed, giving his sister a nudge. 

Lexa groaned, but other than that didn’t bother to move. So, Lincoln nudged a bit harder, resulting in Lexa groaning a bit louder. 

“Alexandria, wake up. Let me check on you.” Lincoln calmly said as he crossed his arms, waiting for Lexa to wake. 

Clarke watched with amusement while Lexa lifted the pillow she was using and placed it over her head. 

“Go away. I’m asleep.” Lexa attempted to mumble from beneath the pillow. 

“You can go down to cardio Clarke, Dr. Jaha needs an intern. I got it from here.” Lincoln turned to Clarke before trying to grab the pillow from Lexa. 

Clarke nodded, but lingered for a moment more as Lincoln finally managed to take the pillow from Lexa, earning him a piercing glare from the brunette. 

“I’m going to murder you some day, Lincoln. I don’t care if you’re my brother or not. And I’ll make it painful.” Was the last thing Clarke heard before turning around quickly and out the room before Lexa had a chance to notice she was there. 

Clarke let out a sigh of relief as she made her way to the cardio wing of the hospital. A part of her was glad Lincoln hadn’t really made her stay for a full 24 hour observation on Lexa. The last four hours had been enough and Clarke wasn’t sure she’d be able to stay any longer without jumping Lexa right there on the bed. 

Clarke had to give it to the other doctor. She was persistent and charming. Had it been anyone else, Clarke would have been tremendously annoyed, but for some reason she felt quite the opposite with Lexa. After an hour of constant flirting, mostly on Lexa’s side, the two talked about other things. Well, mostly Lexa asked questions and Clarke found herself answering them. Like where did you go to school, why Seattle, what specialty interested her, a passionate debate of Game of Throne theories, and for fifteen minutes a discussion on hockey. 

Eventually, Clarke finally let Lexa sleep after doing a final check of pupils and ‘follow my finger’. Lexa immediately past out and Clarke just sat beside her and studied some flash cards she kept in her lab coat pocket. 

Clarke wouldn’t see Lexa for a couple days and the whole time she was at the hospital she found herself looking for the attending everywhere she turned with no luck. 

It was on a Wednesday afternoon when her luck changed and she stepped into an elevator with Lexa who greeted her with what seemed to be becoming one of Clarke’s favorite things about her, a smug smirk. 

 

“Seattle has ferryboats.” Lexa broke the silence, leaning against the elevator wall, Clarke’s back turned towards her. 

“Yes.” 

Remain professional, she’s your boss. 

“I’ve been living here six weeks. I didn’t know there were ferryboats.” Lexa went on, causing Clarke’s lips to move upward into a smile. 

“Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides. Of course there’s ferryboats.”

“Now I have to like it here. I wasn’t planning on liking it here. This changes everything..”

What does that mean? Clarke wondered. 

“Oh yeah, why’s that?” 

“I’m from New York. I’m genetically engineered to dislike everywhere. Except the city. However, I have a thing for ferryboats.”

Clarke almost snorted. 

“Am I supposed to be writing this down?” Clarke finally turned around. 

“You’re not writing this down?” Lexa looked at her as if she was shocked and offended.  
Clarke rolled her eyes and shrugged putting her hands into the pockets of her lab coat.

“I’m sure I can tell you again over breakfast.”

“I’m not going out with you.”

Lexa laughed and Clarke swore it was like what all of her favorite songs sound like, but so much better. 

“And I’m definitely not sleeping with you again.” Keep it together, Griffin. 

“You’re being presumptuous.” Lexa replied moving to where she was now facing the front of Clarke, her back to the elevator doors. 

“You’re my boss.” Clarke tried again, but not putting too much effort into what was supposed to be her ‘serious tone’.

“I’m your boss’s boss.”

“You’re supposed to be my mentor. Not my lover.”

“Lover? That just makes me sound like some girl you picked up at a bar.” 

Damnit, Lexa. 

Clarke grabbed the front of Lexa’s dark blue top and pulled her close. Almost, immediately Clarke watched as Lexa’s eyes changed from surprise to dark with lust.

“Look, I’m drawing a line. The line is drawn.” Clarke whispered so close to Lexa’s face she could feel Lexa breathe on her lips.

“So, this line, is it imaginary?” Lexa looked back and forth from Clarke’s eyes and lips. 

Clarke didn’t answer, instead she pushed her lips onto Lexa’s and kissed the woman hard with passion. Lexa responded with just the same amount of intensity. Clarke could feel the other doctor’s hands ride up underneath her scrub top and she groaned into Lexa’s mouth before pushing the doctor back, breaking the kiss. With the most perfect timing the elevator doors opened behind them and Clarke quickly stepped out without giving Lexa a chance to say anything. 

So, much for trying to be professional. Clarke thought as she made her way to the observation room of an OR, sitting to watch another surgical procedure. 

Staying professional with Lexa was going to be more difficult than she expected.  
————

 

Clarke sees Lexa again Thursday evening, hunched over a patient’s chart leaning against the nurse’s station. She hesitates on whether or not to approach the other doctor. Yeah, Clarke had been brave the day before, but she was still unsure about how to go about her attraction towards the attending. The logical thing to do would be to stick to her original plan and ignore Lexa altogether, but it was Lexa. She was a damn beautiful woman, who one liked Clarke back, and two also made her laugh, which was a rarity. Especially, theses days. After another minute of debate inside her head, she finally gathers the courage and walks up to her. 

“Breakfast…” Clarke says quietly watching Lexa write whatever she’s writing on the chart.

“Breakfast?” Lexa doesn’t look up which makes Clarke wonder if she’s making a mistake and what if Lexa doesn’t want her after all. 

“Tomorrow?” Clarke tries again, quietly and careful no one can hear them. 

Lexa stops writing and shuts the chart, handing it over to a nurse on the other side of the counter. She clicks her pen and puts it in the chest pocket of her scrub. 

“You turned me down. Several times. I left my number on your fridge, you know? Not one text, not even an emoji.” Lexa finally looks at her and Clarke almost breathes.

“I did. Turn you down. As for the number, it’s still on my fridge.”

Clarke stared at it for twenty minutes straight the night before. 

“How’s the concussion?”

“Almost non-existent.”

“So, breakfast?”

“I can’t anymore Friday.” Lexa says simply before walking off, down the hallway. 

Clarke follows, putting her hands in her pockets. A nervous habit.

“Saturday?”

“Can’t Saturday.”

Is she playing hard to get now? Clarke wonders.

“Okay.” Clarke mumbles back turning around the opposite direction, attempting to walk off the embarrassment of being shut down.

“Sunday…”

Lexa’s voice stops her and she turns back around.

“Sunday?” Clarke asks, Lexa walking towards her this time. 

Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail and Clarke fights the urge to push a loose strand behind the attending’s ear. 

“Yeah. 10 am. I’ll come over.”

“I have roommates.”

“I’ll bring extra food.”

“Sunday.”

“Sunday.”

“Oh, hey.” 

Lexa says keeping eye contact with Clarke.

“The elevator. Do something like that again and I may begin to like them more than ferryboats.” 

Lexa smirks and winks at her before walking back in the direction she was going before. This time Clarke lets herself breathe and for the first time in two years, she gets excited about a Sunday.  
————————

Friday morning comes too soon for, Lexa, who immensely regrets taking Anya’s shift the moment her alarm clock goes off. If it hadn’t been an expensive, unnecessary gift from her mother, she would have thrown it against the wall, but instead she hits the snooze and reluctantly gets out of her bed. 

Lexa is not a morning person. She’s just not. Which is ironic because she loves breakfast food more than anything in the entire universe. Eggs, cereal, pancakes, bacon, coffee, what’s not to love. However, despite her love for breakfast, she still can’t find it in her to wake up in the morning in a decent mood. In fact she once punched Lincoln in the face when he confronted her about it back when they were kids. Yeah, she may have overreacted, but he did ask her in the morning and she was twelve. 

She almost became a morning person once. Back when her and Costia were…well her and Costia. But that was mostly due to the fact that Costia really liked morning sex and Lexa was never one to turn that down. So, she found herself waking up at at ungodly hours just to please her then fiancé and she almost became a morning person. 

However, right now, in this moment, Lexa was not a morning person. With a scowl on her face she showered, got dressed, made coffee and eggs, read an article in one of the hundred medical journals she had stacked on her coffee table, and then made the short ten minute walk down the street to the hospital.  
What surprised her, was that on her walk she ran into Dr. Indra Lee standing at a cross walk looking a bit conflicted and confused. 

“Morning. Dr. Lee. ” Lexa greeted, despite her not being a morning person.

“Shut up.” was what Lexa got, but it didn't bother her much. She actually found it amusing.

“You realize I’m an attending and you’re a resident. You work for me.” Lexa joked taking a sip from her coffee she bought at the coffee shop next to her building.

“I know I’ve forgotten something. Something is happening today..I know I should know what it is, but I just can’t..”

Dr. Lee deep in thought, ignoring Lexa completely.

“Alright nice talking to you..” 

Right as she was going to step into the street, six or seven bicyclists sped right in front of her and she would’ve been plummeted if Indra hadn’t pulled her back.  
The both of them stood completely still as a dozen or more bikers sped by them, some crashing into each other or hitting the curb and falling to the ground. 

“What the hell?” Lexa muttered as it seemed the last of bicyclists had passed them and they were able to move. 

“Fools on bikes killing themselves. Natural selection is what it is.” Indra replied seeming extremely annoyed.

“Looks like you’re going to have a busy day today, Dr. Woods.” was all that Indra said the rest of the walk to the hospital, leaving Lexa very curious to what they just witnessed.  
———

“Dead baby bike race?” Murphy asked confused as to why all the other interns were excited. 

“Started twenty minutes ago.” Bellamy mumbles, taking off his lab coat and putting it in the locker. 

“The race is legal. No rules. Just no eye gauging.” Miller says excitingly as him and Monty rush out of the locker room and down to the ER.

“What’s the prize?” Murphy asked seeming truly curious.

“Tequila shots. Free.” Bellamy answers winking at Clarke, which earns him a glare. 

She almost forgot he had been at the bar the other night. Despite him being one of her best friend’s brother and spending eight torturous years together with him in undergraduate and med school, she still found him extremely annoying and douchey. 

“Yep, natural selection.” Clarke says before following him and Murphy out. 

When the three get to the ER it is packed with injured bicyclists, injuries ranging from minor to ‘how the hell are they still breathing.’ 

One patient catches Clarke’s eye immediately and she smiles when she sees what seems to be small metal prongs from the side of his abdominal. Unfortunately, Bellamy also happens to see the same patient and both do a near sprint towards him. 

“He’s mine.” Clarke states grabbing his chart immediately pulling a curtain in front of the patient, so he doesn’t have to see the verbal confrontation that’s about to take place. 

“I got here first.” Bellamy argued back, taking the chart from Clarke’s hands.

“Sorry, I was wondering if you could take these out and sew me up? I gotta get back to my race.” 

The patient pulls the curtain back, not seeming to care one bit that he’s being fought over like roadkill to a bunch of vultures. 

Both Clarke and Bellamy exchange hard looks at one another. Clarke steals back the chart, but Bellamy doesn’t seem to care. He goes up to the patient and casually pulls out the metal prongs like nothing. Clarke can feel the rage in her and has never felt such a strong urge to hit someone with a patient’s chart.

“Superficial wound. Sew him up and let him get on with his race.” 

Bellamy puts the last metal prong into a surgical bowl and removes his gloves.

“Are you out of your mind?” Clarke lets out angrily, not able to understand how such a person was let into the program.

“Good man.” The patient says attempting to get up from the hospital bed. Clarke pushes him back down.

“You’re not going anywhere.” She says matter of factly and the patient just laughs and tries to get up again.

“What’s going on here?” a voice pulls both Bellamy and Clarke’s attention from the patient. 

“Dr. Woods..” Clarke greets the woman who looks as flawless as ever. 

Seriously, how is someone’s hair so perfect?

“Viper, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Dr. Woods pushes Bellamy aside and takes the chart Clarke hands to her. 

Clarke fights the urge to stick her tongue out at Bellamy. She’s a doctor. Not a child, but still. Bellamy was being a dick. 

“Looking good doc. Looking real good.” The patient, who apparently is named or called Viper, does a wolf whistle causing some other doctors and patients to look their way.

Lexa chuckles and looks him over. She presses her hand on his wound and grins when she sees Viper flinch a little. Clarke looks on curiously. 

Are they friends? Did they have a fling? Why is he making Lexa laugh? Clarke pushes those thoughts to the back and tries to focus.

“Why am I not surprised you’re here. Dead whatever race?” Lexa asks Viper who’s still looking Lexa like she’s some sort of Goddess. Which annoys Clarke. 

Great. I’m annoyed by a random guy who’s participating in a death race for free tequila and making Lexa laugh. Great. 

“Right on it, doc. Now this pretty doctor was about to stitch me up and send me on my way.”

Lexa finally looks at Clarke for the first time since she walked up and Clarke immediately feels herself blush from the brunette’s gaze. 

“What are your thoughts, Dr. Griffin? Do you think we should send Viper here on his way?”

Yeah, we should. Who the hell does he think he is, this wolf whistling son of a bit..

“We should run some tests. He could have punctured..” Clarke answers confidently before being interrupted.

“Look, I can’t stay. I need to finish my race.” Viper disagrees earning him a disappointing look from Lexa.

“Viper, you’d be leaving against medical advice.” Lexa adds taking a seat beside him on the bed as if she’s done this several times before.

“I’ll sign the form thing like last time and then I’ll come right back. I gotta lot on this race.”

Both him and Lexa stare at each other as if they are both trying to get through to one another. Lexa trying to convince him not to be an idiot and Viper trying to convince her the prize of tequila is the equivalent of an olympic gold medal.

Clarke senses Lexa isn't going to win, so she decides to jump in.

“I’ll buy you tequila myself. Dr. Woods, he could have punctured…” Clarke tries, but both of them ignore her and continue trying to stare one another down.

“Viper.”

“Lexa.”

Lexa get’s up from the bed and shakes her head in disapproval. She grabs Viper’s chart and hands it to Clarke. 

“Get him the forms Dr. Griffin. Viper, right back here. I swear I will break my medical oath and kill you myself if you don’t. Understand?” Lexa says one last time. 

“Understood. Now stitch me up and get my forms.”

Lexa turns to Bellamy and he grabs a fresh pair of gloves and prepares to do Viper’s stitches with a satisfactory look on his face. Clarke grunts and follows Lexa who’s already on her way to another patient.

“You let him go.” Clarke says in a somewhat accusatory tone causing Lexa to turn. 

“We can’t make him stay if he doesn’t want to.” Lexa finally says after giving Clarke, what she called the other day ‘The Eyes’. 

“His injuries could be more severe..” Clarke does her best to ignore them and sound serious. 

“I’m well aware. He’ll be back. He always comes back.”

“You two know each other?”

Oh my god, Clarke you sound jealous right now. Get a hold of yourself.

“He was my first patient here, real pain in the ass. Found out he lived in my apartment building the next day.” Lexa replies simply, standing near a curtain with another patient behind it. 

Well, that’s nothing. At least I’ve had sex with Lexa. Great sex.

“You should have made him stay.” Clarke states still feeling uneasy about letting the patient go. 

“It would have been another 30 minutes of argument, only to end up with him signing the forms and coming back later. 30 minutes that could be use saving the people who want to be saved. I like Viper, I do. But you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. He’ll be back.” 

Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s arm and to anyone else it would look like an attending just assuring her intern, but to Clarke it was much more, and for some reason she knew Lexa knew that. 

“Now. Go away. Save other patients and stop stalking me.” Lexa joked before pulling the curtain back and taking care of the next patient. 

Clarke rolled her eyes and did as she was told. Despite Lexa’s pep talk she still had a nagging feeling that maybe…just maybe, they should have made ‘Viper’ stay.  
———  
   
“This is literally the first thing I’ve eaten in 48 hours that hasn't been out of a vending machine.” Monty moaned biting into a tuna salad sandwich ignoring Clarke’s disgusted face. 

She had no qualms about tuna salad. She did however when it came to Monty moaning like he was being bent over in the cafeteria. 

“Do you have to be so loud?” Clarke asked biting into a carrot stick she didn't really want, but you know ‘being healthy’ had a price.

Monty chewed, swallowed, and took a sip of water. 

“Me? Loud? Funny, I got some interesting texts from O and Raven about someone being loud last Saturday.” Monty laughed as a look of horror covered Clarke’s face.

Of course her roommates, would text everyone about the other night. It had been a while since Clarke had ‘gotten some’ as they put it and they were way too proud when they saw her exit the bar wrapped around Lexa’s arm. 

“So, was that why you were late? Must’ve been real good for you to be late on our first date.” Monty added, mouth full. 

Clarke could feel herself blush at the thought of it and quickly looked away before Monty could see and tease her some more.  
She was never one to lie or keep secrets from her friends. They were all pretty close and usually shared every thing with each other, even when they shouldn’t. It had been that way since Clarke, Raven, and Octavia were kids and it stayed that way when she met and brought both Monty and Miller, from med school, into their friend group. But this was different. Clarke liked Lexa. More than she wanted to admit to, mostly because one, they still hardly knew each other and had yet to go on a date, and two, Lexa was an attending. Lexa was off limits. She wasn’t ready for this to be out. Even if it was just with her close friends.

“What are you guys talking about?” Miller put his tray down on the table, immediately shoving spaghetti in his mouth. 

“Clarke’s latest sexual conquest.” Monty answered taking another bite of his tuna sandwich. 

“Yeah, nope, not talking about it. Gotta go save lives, practice medicine, enjoy your tuna and spaghetti..” Clarke pushed her chair back and emptied her tray in a garage bin nearby. 

She walked out of the the cafeteria and knew she should probably go check on some of her patients. They had all been stable, soon to be released so, there was no need for her to rush by. She decided on taking the long, more scenic route back, passing the ER waiting room when she saw a familiar figure hunched over in a chair.

“Viper?!? Are you okay?”

The man was pale and bleeding severely from where the metal prongs had been earlier that morning. 

Clarke looked around the ER for someone to help her get Viper onto a bed and of course just Bellamy and some nurses stood unoccupied at the nurse station. 

“Bellamy, a little help over here!” Clarke shouted, pulling Viper up and putting his arm around her shoulder. 

Bellamy rushed over and they both walked him to a bed as quick as they could.  
Immediately Clarke noticed the bleeding from Viper’s abdominal, defiantly caused by some sort of rupture inside, as she predicted earlier. Clarke hopped on top of him to stop it. Yeah, it looked a bit dramatic, but it was the only logical angle and allowed for Bellamy and the nurses to work around her.

“Call up to the OR, let them know we are coming. Paige Dr. Woods. Bellamy, let’s go.” Clarke ordered, no one dare to question the authority in her voice, not even Bellamy, who looked like he was a bit overwhelmed.

“Bellamy, push the damn gurney!” Clarke snapped him out of it. 

Bellamy just nodded and pushed the gurney quickly towards the elevator, everyone getting out of there way.

“Somebody get the elevator!” Bellamy shouted, getting them in the elevator just in time.

“Hurry, I don’t know how long I can keep this wound closed.” Clarke said to no one in particular as they watched the lights indicating what floor they were on blink.

Finally, they got to the OR floor and when the doors open help was waiting for them, quickly pushing them to the OR. 

Lexa, who was scrubbed and ready, stood almost surprised to see Viper unconcience and Clarke on top, preventing him from bleeding out. 

“Viper? Someone help get Dr. Griffin off my patient.” Lexa ordered calmly, watching as two nurses helped Clarke off. 

“Clarke, go get cleaned up, and scrub in. Bellamy, get back downstairs.”

“Yeah, but I helped.”

Lexa fixed a cold stare on him.

“They tell me in the pit you only enjoy the ‘good’ cases and how you have an attitude problem with the nurses. Get out and go back downstairs. I find out you’re being disrespectful to nurses or anyone else again, I’ll make sure you never see the inside of an OR. Understood?”

Bellamy scowled, but nodded anyways before storming out of the ER.

“Alright. It’s a beautiful day to save lives. Let’s start.” Lexa said once everyone was scrubbed and in position. 

Clarke stood by, surprised she didn't hesitate when Lexa suggested she make the first cut.  
The scrub nurse handed her the scalpel and Clarke took a long, deep breath.  
Like Lexa said. It was a beautiful day to save lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already working on the next chapter. You guys don't have to wait long.


	3. Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had time to finish this up and why not post two chapters in one day. 
> 
> Also, I have a Tumblr. I'm on it a bit more these days. Mostly, because my life lately involves a lot of hurry up and wait. I might post previews to future chapters on there. Haven't decided yet. Anyways, happy reading. :)
> 
> http://thingsyouwishyouwouldvesaid.tumblr.com/

———

Chapter 3

 

“You did good. Didn’t choke. I’m proud.”

“Thanks, that was…..exhilarating?”

Lexa smiled and continued scrubbing her hands with soap and water. 

Clarke was on a high right now. The kind of high that only comes from performing her first ever surgery and damn she felt like a God right now. The present company also didn't hurt. 

Those couple of days ago, when Clarke was on ‘concussion observation’ duty with Lexa, she let herself imagine briefly, what it would be like to do a surgery with the attending. She imagined she’d be too nervous and would end up killing the poor person on the table. However, it was quite the opposite. She wasn’t nervous. She wasn’t doubtful or scared. She was calm. She was steady. She was sure. She was certain. 

“You’re shift ended two hours ago. Get out of here. Go celebrate with your friends. I’ll finish up here.” 

Lexa grabbed a towel and dried her hands.

Clarke, having washed and dried her hands already stood watching. She was so happy she just wanted to grab and kiss the attending like she had in the elevator. But she was still unsure. Yes, she and Lexa agreed to breakfast on Sunday, but Clarke needed slow. If she was going to do whatever she was going to do with Lexa, she wanted to at least do it right. So for the moment, she’d be professional. She was going to take it slow. 

“Lexa..”

“Clarke, seriously, get out of here. It’s an order. Don’t make me write you up. Because, I’ll do it.” Lexa tried to be serious, but Clarke saw right through it. 

“You should be taking it easy, you know? Rumor has it you got beat up a couple days ago by a really attractive intern.” Clarke leaned against the wall ignoring Lexa’s orders to go home. 

“You’re kinda funny when you’re not going around breaking noses and giving concussions.” 

Lexa put the towel she used to dry her hands into the hamper near the sink and walked over to where Clarke stood.

Clarke could smell the soap on Lexa’s hands and arms as Lexa’s thumb ran across the scar above her eyebrow. She wondered if Lexa could hear her heart thumping against her chest and found herself grabbing the waistband of Lexa’s scrub pant, pulling her closer, like they had been in the elevator. 

Lexa’s lips were barley an inch away from hers and all she had to do was lean in…

“See you tomorrow morning, Dr. Griffin.” Lexa backed away with a smirk and was out the door before Clarke could pull her back. 

Clarke let out a frustrated groan wondering if this was how Lexa felt the other day in the elevator. 

If so, then this well deserved. Clarke thought, walking out of the OR and towards the locker rooms to change. 

When she walked inside cheers and shouts erupted, her fellow interns standing proud and excited that one of them had their first, successful surgery. Even Bellamy nodded at her as she made her way to her locker to get changed while a dozen questions were directed her way. 

What was it like? Were you nervous? What did the first cut feel like? What was Dr. Woods like?

Eventually, Monty, Miller, and Murphy managed to shoo the other interns and their questions away. They wanted to get to last call at the bar across the street where, Octavia and Raven, were waiting to celebrate with them. 

“Our Clarkey is all grown up. Cutting into people and shit.” Octavia greeted her shoving a beer in her hand the moment they stepped foot in the bar. 

Clarke just smiled, still running off adrenaline from the surgery and a little something else. 

They stayed in the bar for about two hours after closing, something about the bartender having the hots for Raven, and ‘willing to stay open for however long she wanted.’

The moment everyone made it home, Clarke laid on her bed, smile still planted firm on her face, and slept the best sleep she had in years. 

 

——-

 

It was 10 in the clock morning when Clarke woke to the doorbell ringing. Immediately, a panic ran through her when she remembered her and Lexa’s breakfast. 

How did I oversleep again? Lexa’s going to think I sleep late all the time.

Clarke jumped from her bed and grabbed her favorite red, Stanford sweater and threw it on with a pair of black yoga pants. She quickly looked at herself in the mirror and then ran down the stairs. 

 

“Lexa..” Clarke opened the door, a little out of breath.

“You forgot, ouch.” Lexa replied with a chuckle.

She was dressed in a dark green cashmere sweater and black jeans that fit her like a glove. Two large, brown paper bags in both her arms. 

“I didn’t forget. We got back pretty late last night and I forgot to set my alarm.” Clarke quickly answered, standing awkwardly in her own doorway. 

“Are you going to let me in? It’s cold and I have bags in my arms.” Lexa grinned, seeming to enjoy awkward Clarke blushing in front of her. 

“Yeah, come in.” Clarke stepped aside, grabbing one of the bags from Lexa’s arms. 

“Roommates?”

“They’re here somewhere. I think."

“Nice house.”

“Thanks. It was my parents.” Clarke says guiding them into the kitchen and setting the bags down on the kitchen counter.

“Who in God’s name has the nerve to come to MY house THIS early…”

What seemed to be a very agitated and pissed Raven stumbles into the kitchen. 

“Hi.” Lexa grins as she watched Raven rub her eyes, looking confused as hell. 

Raven takes a moment before saying anything and just gawks at Lexa.

“Well, hello there.” Raven finally gets out, seeming pleased with herself being in just a sports bra and boy shorts. 

“Raven, this is Lexa. We work together.” Clarke introduces them, hoping Raven doesn't scare Lexa off. 

“You’re hot. Clarke she’s hot.”

“Raven. Behave.”

“Nice to meet you Raven.” Lexa chuckles and Clarke swears Raven is blushing. 

“The pleasure is all mine.”

Raven licks her lips and Clarke throws a roll of paper towels at her. However, that didn't seem to bother Raven and Clarke was very close to going out back and getting the water hose to cool Raven down. That or strangle her with them.

“Who the hell is this? And why is she here so fucking early?” Octavia mumbles not seeming to be fazed at all by Lexa’s good looks. 

Instead she shoves a bag of coffee grounds into Lexa’s hands.

“You wake me up. You make me coffee. House rules.” Octavia glares before leaving the kitchen to go brush her teeth and wash her face. 

Clarke looks at Lexa, surprised she still has an amused look on her face. No one has ever lasted this long with her friends before. Most of the time they get nervous or uncomfortable, but Lexa is passing their tests with flying colors and Clarke is impressed. 

“Tell me Lexa, what’s a gorgeous woman like you hanging out with Clarke? No offense Clarke.” 

Raven takes the grounds from Lexa’s hands and begins to prepare the coffee herself. 

“Raven, behave or you won’t be having breakfast.” Clarke replies taking items out of the brown bags. 

Eggs, bacon, mushrooms, flour, milk, powdered donuts already half eaten

Clarke smiles at the last item and takes out a small white, powdered donut for herself.

“Clarke and I are on a date. I’m making her breakfast.” Lexa answers casually as if she didn’t just drop a big bomb on Raven who’s jaw is on the floor.

Clarke wants to say something, but Lexa is right. It is kind of a date. However, what she had in mind for their first date didn’t really involve Raven or Octavia being around.

“You’re different. I like you. More than all the others combined.” Raven manages out, grabbing some coffee cups from a cabinet. 

“You better be different. Coming into this house at this hour…now tell me..what’s your name?” Octavia is back and takes a seat on one of the barstools underneath the counter, a little more awake, not less pissed. 

“Lexa.” Lexa smiles taking a cup of coffee from Raven and handing it to Octavia. 

“Okay, Lexa, tell me. What are your intentions with Clarke? Are you trying to hit it and quit it or are you in this for the long run?”

“OCTAVIA!” Clarke shouts while both Lexa and Raven laugh hysterically. 

“Well, Octavia. Right now, I really want to make her breakfast and if I’m lucky I’d like to bend h…”

Clarke nearly hops the counter and throws her hand over Lexa’s mouth just in time before she can say anymore.

“This one’s a keeper, Clarke. I vote we let her stay.” Octavia says, once she’s recovered from laughing. 

Raven, however was still on the floor, snorting like a walrus. 

The rest of the breakfast went without a hitch. Lexa answered all of Octavia and Raven’s invasive questions with ease and would shoot Clarke ‘meaningful looks’, as she liked to put it. And even though they didn’t get much one on one time with each other, Clarke enjoyed watching Lexa talk and get along so well with two of her favorite people. 

“Thanks. For making my annoying roommates and I breakfast.” 

Clarke and Lexa lingered on the porch together, not really wanting to say goodbye just yet. 

“It was nothing. Just threw some eggs and waffles together.”

“The waffles were good.”

“Did you have waffles? I thought it was a plate of syrup you were eating.” 

“Seriously. I had fun.”

“Just think if you had kept the whole ‘let’s be professional’ thing going. I remember being an intern. You would have starved if I hadn’t came over with my waffles and eggs.” 

“Professionalism is still thing. “ 

“Of course. Whatever you want.”

“Do you flirt with all the interns?”

“Just the blonde, uptight ones.”

Clarke scowls.

“I’m so not uptight. We literally met each other drunk at a bar.”

“Yeah, imagine my surprise when I get knocked out for just bumping into you. Pretty uptight. Seriously, I could have gone brain dead..”

“You’re dramatic.”

“We’re perfect for each other.” 

“Get out of here before one of my neighbors sees you.”

Clarke attempts to nudge Lexa off the porch, but her hearts not really in it.

“Is it weird that I’m kind of turned on by this sneaking around?”

Lexa grabs Clarke's hand and pulls her closer toward her and traces her fingertips on Clarke’s jaw.

“No one is sneaking around. You came over for breakfast. We didn’t plan some great robbery scheme…” 

Don’t give in, Clarke. She tells herself. 

“Right, that was just me and Raven.” 

“Seriously, get out of here.”

It’s Clarke who’s leaning in now, her hand pushing Lexa’s long hair to the side so she can see her neck.

“What? I don’t get a goodbye kiss?” Lexa asks innocently, as if she knew what Clarke wanted to do with her lips to the attending's neck. 

After what seems to be several agonizing seconds for Lexa, Clarke reacts, but instead of kissing Lexa on the lips, she kisses her on the side of them and pushes the girl away. Lexa groans and attempts to grab Clarke again, but Clarke shakes her head no and steps back.

“Now go.”

Lexa smirks and Clarke wonders how much longer she can go on trying to underplay what’s really going on between the two of them.

“Goodbye, Dr. Griffin.”

Lexa says before walking to her black Jeep Wrangler and gets in. She starts the car and slowly backs out of the driveway. 

Clarke watches as Lexa gives her one last look through her rolled down window and drives away. 

“Goodbye, Dr. Woods.” Clarke whispers and goes back inside her house. 

 

———

 

“You are the first person they see in the morning. No one likes to be woken up in the morning. It’s annoying. Talk to them. Be nice. Why is that important? Because they’ll talk to you. They’ll tell you what’s wrong. Then you can tell your attending what’s wrong during rounds, don’t make me look bad. Don’t embarrass me. You’re job will be easier because of it. Now get out there. Save lives. Don’t kill anyone.”

Dr. Lee was going on about morning bedside etiquette, but Clarke had lost focus five minutes ago when she saw Lexa speaking with another attending. Clarke thinks her name is Dr. Brooks and she’s certain Lincoln brought her around once for one of the many dinner parties her mom loved to throw and force her to go to.

“Hey Griffin, you’re smart right?” 

John Murphy, one of the interns assigned with her to Dr. Lee and Lincoln, is standing next to her. Waiting for her to answer her question.

“Odd way of starting a conversation with someone, Murphy.” Clarke mutters out, not really paying much attention to him.

“Look, I was thinking. You and I are two of the smartest interns here. We should form an alliance, study group, whatever you want to call it, for Dr. Jaha’s heart case.” 

Clarke thinks about it. Usually she studies just fine on her own, but Murphy seems like a decent study companion. He doesn’t seem like he’d get attached or might fall in love with her. She wasn’t even sure he had a heart, hearing rumors about how cutthroat he had been at Northwestern. If anything working with him would keep her on edge.

“Sure.” Clarke finally answers him, crossing her arms, frustrated that she can’t see Lexa anymore. Other interns blocking her view.

“Cool. Meet you in the file research lab after rounds?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there.” Clarke shrugs him off and sighing when Lexa is no longer in sight.

Murphy disperses along with the other interns and Clarke goes off to begin her rounds with Lincoln before feeling someone brush up next to her. 

Play it cool, Clarke. She says to herself, knowing exactly who was now walking next to her.

“You’re here early.” Clarke says, keeping her tone neutral and safe. 

“I was in surgery. Thought I’d stick around. Buy you coffee. Flirt with you.” Lexa murmurs sounding a bit tired, her charm however not lacking. 

“I already had coffee.”

“Then I’ll buy you a muffin.”

“I’ve eaten.”

Clarke, you like this woman. Why are you being like this. 

“What did you have? Are you a cereal person, wait no you like waffles. I remember. Too much syrup.”

“Left over grilled cheese. Curiosity satisfied?” Clarke gives in, looking at Lexa who has a disgusted look on her face. 

“That’s sad and pathetic. Breakfast is important, Dr. Griffin.”

Lexa finally manages out, after getting over the disgust of hearing how poor of a breakfast Clarke had.

No, stick to your guns. You two can go back to being professional. 

“Look, I’m not being seen with you in this hospital.”

“Are we back to that again? You’re giving me whiplash.” Lexa shakes her head, pulling out a brand new cell phone from her white coat pocket and typing something in it.

“Unprofessional. Do you go to any of the sexual harassment seminars around here?”

“I’m just getting to know the interns. Professional curtsey.”

“You talk to Murphy or Miller this way…”

“Who’s Miller?” Lexa fakes confusion as if she’s running through a database of faces and coming up blank.

“Getting to know interns my ass.” Clarke snarks playfully.

“I know who Murphy is. I’m thinking of making him my prodigy.”

Clarke makes a face and shakes her head. 

“What? Are you expecting favoritism from me? Now that’s not professional.”

“Murphy’s an ass.”

“He has good hands.”

“How would you know how good his hands are?”

“I’m sensing jealousy in your tone.” 

Lexa stops walking and puts her phone back in her pocket, waiting for Clarke to respond. Her hair was still pulled back from surgery and damn she really knew how to wear scrubs and a lab coat.

“Now, you’re being an ass.”

“Is this a fight? Are we having our first fight?” Lexa asks, Clarke’s sure she sounds excited. 

“Go away.”

“Have a good day, Dr. Griffin.”

Lexa turns to walk away, but Clarke stops her by gently pulling the back of her scrub top. Lexa turns around and raises her eyebrows at her.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“You just told me to leave. I know when to take a hint.” Lexa playfully slaps Clarke’s hand from her scrub top.

“Lexa..”

“Dr. Woods. Professionalism.” Lexa corrects her, trying to sound stern.

“You’re annoying. You know that right?” 

“Goodbye, Clarke.” 

This time Clarke lets her go. She’s sure she’ll see the attending later.


	4. Pre-Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of another filler until we get to the good stuff. Almost done with the next chapter. I have so much free time right now. 
> 
> You guys are nice with the comments. Thanks.

“Why can’t you be a normal person? Normal people don’t attempt to build houses for themselves in the middle of the forests.”

Lexa ignored her brother as she sawed a piece of wood that would be part of her porch. Once it was the perfect size, she set the saw down and carried the plank to where the others were. 

“I didn’t ask for you to come out here, you know.” Lexa mumbled taking a look at the foundation of the house. 

A part of her knew Lincoln was right. It may have been a bit drastic to take on building a house by herself while also working like crazy at the hospital, but she would be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying it. When she left New York and a majority of her friends for Seattle, she spent the first week in an over-priced hotel room thinking maybe she made a mistake and should go back. She never wanted to leave New York to begin with. New York was her home. It’s where she grew up and fell in love. It was home until one day it wasn’t. So, she packed her things and left. Moved across the country and got the crazy idea to build a house. By herself. In the middle of the forest. 

“Bonding time with my sister.” Lincoln simply replied, taking a seat in a camping chair he brought over. 

Lexa sighed knowing she wouldn’t be able to get rid of him. Not that she really wanted to, but he always had something to say about her house building endeavor and she didn’t care much to hear it.

“How bout you grab a hammer, some nails, and help me with this instead.” Lexa suggested, she could use some help setting up the left side of what was supposed to be the living room.

“I just opened my beer. Want one?” Lincoln ignored her, taking a swig from a heineken. 

“Nah, I’m on call.” Lexa walked a couple of feet to the trunk of her Jeep and dug through a bag of tools.

“So, Anya thinks you’re seeing some one.”

Lexa stopped searching through the tool bag and turned around.

“Why does she think that?”

Lincoln slightly smiled, as if he was on to her. 

“You’ve been chipper. You’re never chipper. Not since…”

“Watch it..” Lexa warned, not at all wanting to talk about one of the main reasons she left New York. 

“Sorry. Forgot we’re not allowed to speak of it.” Lincoln muttered sarcastically. 

Lexa had never really told him the full story of why she decided to hop on a plane and move across the country. But she did know for a bit Lincoln was upset about her and Costia not being engaged anymore. The three of them had grown up together and Lincoln felt like she just walked away from Costia for no reason. Only one other person knew the reason for her moving to Seattle and she preferred to keep it that way.

“So..” Lincoln tried again.

“What?” Lexa shot back, hugely annoyed now.

“Who are you seeing?” Lincoln got up from his chair and picked up a hammer.

Lexa knew he was’t going to use it, but she grabbed a box of nails and handed them to him anyways. 

“Saved by the page.” Lincoln replied taking the box, while Lexa checked her cell. 

She was needed back at the hospital. 

Lexa groaned. She had hope that despite being on call, she’d have more time to work on the house.

“Finish this up for me?” Lexa gestured to the house, looking at Lincoln who was positioning a piece of wood against another. 

“Normal people join book clubs. Hang out with their friends, watch Netflix, you, you build houses in the middle of the forest like you’re Derek Shepard or something.” He mumbled while Lexa took the bag of tools in her trunk and walking them over to him.

“I really hate your girlfriend for letting you binge watch Grey’s anatomy with her.”

Lincoln did the goofy smile he always did when someone brought her up. Lexa, for the life of her, could not remember the girl’s name. It was something like Ofelia or maybe Viola, but she wasn’t too sure. All she knew was that Lincoln was obsessed with the girl and she would be supportive no matter how much she teased her brother about it. 

“When am I going to meet her by the way?” Lexa asked setting down the tool bag next to him. 

“Whenever you tell me who you’re dating.” Lincoln replied pulling her into a ‘see you later’ hug, which Lexa made sure he knew she was firmly against as she pretended to struggle out of it.

“I guess I’m never going to meet her then.” She mumbled into her brother’s shoulder before pushing him off and heading back to the hospital. 

 

—

“What’s going on? Why are we being pulled? We were so close to figuring out Dr. Jaha’s cardio case..” Clarke went on very frustrated. 

Her and Murphy had been in the hospital library for hours trying to find a diagnosis and possible treatment for one of Dr. Jaha’s heart patients when Dr. Lee found them and ordered them down to the ER. 

“Dr. Woods needs interns.”

Well, if Dr. Woods needed interns then maybe it wasn’t so bad being pulled, Clarke thought.

“I thought Dr. Woods was gone for the day.” Clarke tried to sound casual. 

She knew very well Lexa was on call and was secretly hoping to run into the attending again. 

They stepped into the elevator and got out when they were on the ER floor.

“The female Woods was on call. She needs extra hands.” Dr. Lee finally replied, occupied with observing patient test results in her hands.

The three walked over to where Lexa was sitting next to a patient, concentrating very hard on the man’s head. Clarke got a bit closer and her mouthed dropped in amazement. 

“Those look like…”

“Nails.” Lexa answers for her, attention completely focused on the patient. 

“Whoa.” Murphy whispers.

Lexa shoots Murphy a look indicating she heard him and wasn’t in the mood.

“He’s conscience. Use 4 milligrams of morphine. Titrate up to 10. Someone page Dr. Kent again.” Lexa orders as people scramble around them. 

“What happened?” Clarke asks moving closer so she can get a better look at the patient.

“Construction sight collapsed. We got another load coming in any minute now. This one. Mr. Cruz tripped, over a nail gun, trying to get out. Somehow he managed to miss a blood vessel. Minor miracle.” Lexa answers looking into his pupils and poking Mr. Cruz’s legs to see if he has feeling.

“Murphy stay here and watch him till someone else from neuro comes before taking him up for a CT. Griffin, there’s a couple of men who need stitches.” and with that, Lexa is off to the next patient, not once taking a look at Clarke. 

And Clarke knows this isn’t the place. There’s a dozen injured people around them depending on them to save their lives. Clarke shouldn’t be expecting a gaze from Lexa’s green eyes or the smirk that makes her weak in the legs. Especially, with how Clarke keeps reminding her about professionalism. Still, she kind wishes Lexa had, but after seven seconds, Clarke shakes it off. She’s a doctor after all. Her patients come first. And her feelings, they come last.

—

“You are all set Mr. Tran. A nurse will come by with your release work.”

Clarke finishes the last stitch on the man, who looked at her with appreciation and nodded his thanks. Clarke politely smiled back before walking off and removing her gloves, throwing them in a trash bin nearby.   
Her attention was caught, when she spotted a ferryboat scrub cap. Lexa was seated behind the nurse’s station, typing something on a computer. Clarke hesitated on whether or not to go up to her, but figured it couldn’t hurt. 

I mean, we’re kind of dating right? This thing between us, is kind of dating. Clarke thought as she walked slowly to the station.

“Hi.” Clarke greeted. 

“Hi.” Lexa’s eyes stayed on the computer screen as she continued to type.

“Is everything okay?” Clarke tried, sensing there was maybe something a little off with the attending. 

“Yes. Aside from the pit being swamped. Great.” Lexa stopped typing and looked up.

“It’s just…it seems like somethings bothering you.”

“How would you know if something’s bothering me, Dr. Griffin.” Lexa raised her eyebrows. 

Maybe she is fine. Maybe she’s just annoyed she got called in. Clarke thought, trying to ignore the blood rushing to he cheeks.

“Well, for one, you haven’t flirted with me or made some inappropriate comment..”

“That would be unprofessional.” Lexa smirked, mocking her.

“You’re mocking me.”

“Mockery is not a product of a strong mind, Clarke.” And with that, Lexa was up and out of her chair off to wherever she was off to. But not without looking back across her shoulder and throwing a wink Clarke’s way.

Clarke shook her head. 

Charming, Lexa. Fucking, charming. Clarke thought, before finding another patient to give stitches to.

——  
The next two days where busy for Clarke. In between rounds, post-ops, writing post-op notes, observing surgeries, and studying, Clarke was swamped. So, swamped she hadn’t seen Lexa since the ER when her and Murphy were called down.   
The two had exchanged flirty, suggestive text messages here and there, but both too busy for anything more than that. 

Two days since Clarke had seen Lexa and she could feel herself getting cranky as she finished writing up a prescription for a patient. It was also 6 in the morning and she had just finished her second coffee, throwing the empty cup into the recycle bin.

“Grilled cheese again for breakfast?” a familiar voice appeared behind her.

Clarke turned and smiled. 

“Cold pizza.” She replied, fighting the urge to grab the attending and kiss her like there was no one looking.

“Barbaric.” Lexa shook her head in disapproval.

The brunette was in her classic, dark blue scrubs, and her hair was pulled back, the majority of it tucked into her ferryboat scrub cap, indicating she was either on her way to surgery or had just got out.

“How long have you been here?” Clarke asks wondering if she could sneak her off to a call room, for a quick make out session. 

“A while. Shift will be over in five minutes.” Lexa replied removing her scrub cap and rubbing her eyes. 

Even after what must have been a 48 hour shift for the attending, she looked flawless as ever.

“Hey, I was um, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to, hang out again?” Clarke asks without even thinking, the words coming out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Did you just ask her out, Clarke? She thought.

“Are you asking me on a date, Dr. Griffin?”

Yeah, you did. Clarke thinks.

“Today’s my only day off for another week.” Lexa adds.  

“Shame. I work all day. Another time maybe.”

Clarke knows the feeling, as Lexa gives her a slight frown. She really wanted some one on one time with the brunette. 

“Another time. Have a good day, Clarke.”

Lexa quickly hands her a small blue post-it before walking away.

Clarke looks at it and immediately grins.

‘Come make out with me real quick in call room’ 

Clarke has to stop herself from running. 

 

———

 

“I wish I could hold a heart.”

“A monkey could hold a heart.”

“You’re mad Brooks didn’t ask you.”

Clarke comes into the surgical observation room and sits in between Murphy and Miller.

“Murphy, we’re going to need more ice and chips. Can you pick some up after your shift?” Clarke asks as she steals Miller’s iced coffee, taking a sip before handing it back.

They were throwing what was supposed to be a small party celebrating all the interns finally getting in on their first surgeries. Monty performing his right in front of them. 

“Who else did you invite? We said the lists was jocks only, Clarke.” Murphy replies not removing his eyes from the surgery, a little jealous he wasn’t the one holding a heart down there.

“Yeah, surgery, trauma, plastics. Who else?” Miller asks.

“Some people from peds.” Clarke tries to sound casual about it. 

“You invited preschoolers. To our house.” Miller sighs and shakes his house. 

Clarke chuckles.

“Miller. You don't live with me.”

He ignores her and looks annoyed. 

“Next thing you’ll say that you invited the shrinks.”

This gets Murphy’s attention and now he’s annoyed as well. She couldn’t blame him. The psych doctors weren’t the most popular in the hospital, but when some intern named Maya asked her about the party, she couldn't be rude and say no.

“Clarke, come on.” Murphy groans loudly before leaving the room after receiving a page.

“Murphy, be nice.” Clarke shouts at him.

“I heard there’s a party tonight?”

Bellamy walked into the room and immediately, Clarke’s mood was soured. 

“If you weren’t my best friend’s brother, I’d lie to you.” She tells the lesser liked Blake and tries to ignore him as he sits in Murphy’s empty seat.

“Any nurses going?” Bellamy asks, getting into her personal space.

Clarke pushes him back and he just chuckles, getting close to her again, clearly enjoying the fact that he’s pissing her off. 

“Gross.” Clarke shoves him back again, this time with a bit more force.

“Bellamy back off.” Miller says, about ready to get into to it himself, with the other intern.

“Blake.” A voice interrupts and immediately, Bellamy straightens up.

Lexa is standing in the doorway of the room, stern face planted, near glare pointed at him. 

“You finish my post-ops, yet?” She asks causing Bellamy to get up quickly and leave to finish them. 

Clarke grins victorious, but turns from looking at Lexa lingering in the doorway so, Miller won’t pick up on anything. After a moment she feels her phone buzz in her pocket with a message. She pulls it out and sees it’s from Lexa.

‘You’re hottttttt.’ 

Nothing else. 

Clarke chuckles and puts the phone back in her pocket before Miller might see. She does her best to focus on the rest of the surgery, but instead imagines all the different ways she can get Lexa alone, so they can finally have sex again.

 

——-

“So, how long has your back been hurting you?”

Lexa watches from the doorway as Murphy checks the patient’s back. She wasn’t going to interact just yet, wanting to see if Murphy could handle it on his own. She wasn’t going to lie. She kind of liked the kid. Yeah, he could work on his bedside manner and adjust his attitude here and there, but he was good. Real good and she figured she’d take him underneath her wing. Show him a few things. Plus, he didn't seem to be afraid or nervous around her like some of the other interns.

 

“It’s chronic. Means I have it all the time.” The patient replied, letting out a gasp of pain as Murphy helped him lean back. 

“I know what chronic means. What kind of pain are you having?” Murphy asked, writing something on the man’s chart.

“Oh, man, the pain’s bad. It’s like a thousand samurai warriors stabbing their swords into my spine. I’m allergic to aspirin, most NSAIDs.” the patient went on, indicating to Lexa, it wasn’t his first time in the hospital for this ‘pain’.

“So, maybe we’ll start you on morphine.” Murphy says back, but the patient shakes his head.

“No, won’t work. Only thing that works is Dilaudid. That works.”

“I bet.” Murphy mumbles and seems like he’s about to say more before Lexa interrupts.

“Dr. Murphy, may I speak with you outside for a moment.” She says, shooting the patient a polite smile as Murphy steps out.

“What do you think?” Lexa takes the chart from Murphy as they walk a bit out of ear-shot distance from the room.

“Exaggerated and overly specific description of his pain, he’s an addict, a junkie.” Murphy doesn’t hold back.

“So, what do you do?” Lexa knows he’s right, but she knows it’s not that simple. 

“Check the database for history, refer to a program, and discharge.”

Lexa nods in approval and hands him back the chart. 

“After you give him something.” She adds knowing, Murphy’s about to fight her on this.

“But that’s what he wants, Dr. Woods.” Murphy raises his voice slightly.

He’s a hot head, but Lexa’s sure she can teach him.

“Junkie or not, we still have to treat his pain as if it were real.” She responds looking sympathetic, it bugs her too, but rules are rules.

“Why?” Murphy asks, truly wanting an answer.

“First rule in pain management, always err on the side of caution. He’s our patient, in our care, start a central line. His veins are shot.” Lexa answer simply, before walking off to another a patient.

She turns around briefly, Murphy looking pissed.

“Dr. Murphy, don’t disappoint me.” She adds. 

She knows he can handle it. Well, kind of.


	5. Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will start to pick up a bit from here.
> 
> I really like hearing you guys in the comments and what you think. You're are all very kind. :)
> 
> If you want to ask or make any suggestions you can ask in the comments or on Tumblr.
> 
> Happy Reading!
> 
> http://thingsyouwishyouwouldvesaid.tumblr.com/

“The surgery before was supposed to work, but it never felt right. I even quit smoking. A four pack a day habit. I was in hell. Still pain was still there.” 

Clarke listened as she checked the Mrs. Drake’s chest and stomach. Gently she presses her hands against the older woman’s stomach, trying to feel for any other abnormalities. 

“Really, from the damage, it looked as if you were still smoking.” Clarke remembers the scans. The woman’s lungs were so damaged, Clarke was almost certain she was still on four packs a day. 

“Cold turkey five years ago. Nothing. Had to quit my job, I was in so much pain. No one believed me, they all said it was in my head.” Mrs. Drake says sadly as Clarke finishes up and helps readjust the her hospital gown. 

“I’ve seen the films. It’s not all in your head. Let’s get you to surgery.” Clarke looks sympathetically. 

If the scans were any indicator, Mrs. Drake was suffering a great deal of pain and Clarke wanted nothing more, but to help get rid of it. 

“You think it’s gonna work this time?” The woman asked, almost afraid to even get her hopes up. 

“Surgery? I think it’s your best option.” Clarke replied and pats the woman’s hand to give her some sort of comfort. 

Mrs. Drake smiles kindly and hacks out a cough. 

“You look too young to be a doctor, no offense.” She adds as Clarke takes Mrs. Drake’s chart and hands it to a nurse who’s helping her prep for surgery. 

“None taken. But I’m older than I look.” Clarke replies, leaving the room as the woman’s transferred from the bed to a gurney so she can be moved to the OR. 

—

“We call this this the spaghetti procedure. We cut and deflate the bullae to facilitate gentle manipulation of Mrs. Drake’s lung.” Dr. Lee goes on as she helps assist the older Dr. Griffin, Clarke’s mom, perform the procedure. 

Clarke thought it was going to be weird being in a surgery with her mom, but when Abby walked into the scrub room she just smiled and pretended as if she was just another intern. 

Her mom, the epitome of professionalism. 

“Dr. Lee, do you see that?” Abby asks moving around so Indra can get a better look. 

Clarke gets a peek too and is just as shocked as every one else. 

“M’am, what in the hell…” Dr. Lee lets out as both her and Abby begin to move quickly.

“We need to open her up more.” Abby sighs. It was supposed to be a simple procedure. 

“10-blade. Retractors. Scalpel ready.” Dr. Lee orders. Everyone handing around different things.

“Rib spreader.”

“Suction.” Indra says before pausing as Abby pulls out a large black clump out of Mrs. Drake’s stomach.

“Is that a towel? Where did that come from?” Clarke asks, not sure she can believe it.

This is Mrs. Drake’s true cause of pain? Clarke thought.

“Best guess, left from her last surgery.” Dr. Lee answers just as upset.

“Not good. Not good for the patient. Not good for who operated on her and not good for the hospital.” Abby adds, disappointment huge in her voice.  
Clarke looked at her mom as she went back to work on Mrs. Drake. She could see the fiery anger in Abby’s eyes and for once, as bad as it sounded given the circumstances, she was glad that just this once, she wasn’t the sole reason for it.

 

———

 

“Hi.” 

Clarke shuts the call room door behind her and leans against it. 

Lexa is sprawled out on her stomach underneath a blanket, not bothering to move at the sound of Clarke’s voice and presence.

“Dr. Griffin.” Lexa mumbles. 

Clarke removes her shoes and walks quietly over to the bed. She lifts the blanket and slides in next to the attending. Lexa turns from off her stomach and lays on her side, making it easier for Clarke to cuddle against her.

“How’s your day going?” Clarke quietly asks, burying her head in Lexa’s chest. 

“Average. Yours?” Lexa yawns, proceeding to apply a couple of kisses on top of Clarke’s head. 

“Interesting. We found a towel. Inside a patient.” Clarke answers waiting for Lexa to pull back, knowing it would catch her interest. 

Lexa only pulls back slightly, so she can see Clarke’s face. 

“Really?” Lexa asks, running her fingertips across Clarke’s cheek.

Clarke loved it when the brunette did this. It felt like she was leaving little traces of fire wherever her fingertips touched.

“That’s, man, that’s…”

“Tragic.” Clarke finishes for her.

“I was going to say careless, but tragic works too. How’s the patient?” Lexa asks seeming more awake than she was when Clarke walked in.

“I don’t know. Hopefully, pain free. Dr. Lee had me looking through files to figure out who the surgeon was.” Clarke answers. 

The surgeon no longer worked at the hospital, but the situation was still terrible and Clarke hoped the surgeon hadn’t made anymore careless mistakes since then.

“Let me take you to dinner tonight. We can talk all about it. Real food, waiters, big chunks of carbs in a basket.” 

Lexa rolls over so that she’s laying in between Clarke’s legs, the attending’s chin now resting on her stomach beneath her boobs. 

‘One of her favorite positions in the entire world,’ Lexa had mentioned once in a text as if she had been in it a hundred times, not just twice in between naps and make-out sessions with Clarke. 

“I can’t.” Clarke eventually says, too occupied running her hands through Lexa’s gorgeous brown hair.

“Forget about the party.” Lexa mumbles, trying to lift Clarke’s scrub top so she could kiss her stomach.

“You know about the party?” Clarke laughs as she tries to push Lexa away, hearing the attending’s phone ring with a page.

“Everyone knows about the party. Thanks for not inviting me by the way. That felt good.” 

Lexa gets off of Clarke and checks her phone. 

“I was just about to tell you about the party…”

“Ugh. They need me to save lives. It’s as if they think I work here or something..” Lexa glares at her phone and sighs. 

“Will I see you later? Stop by, seriously.” Clarke adds, watching Lexa sitting at the end of the bed, quickly putting on her shoes.

“I would, but since you refuse to have dinner with me, I might be dragged to a thing. Might run pretty late.”

“Too bad. There’s going to be tequila.”

Lexa looks up from re-tying a lace and smirks and God, Clarke can stare at it like it’s the greatest piece of artwork known to man.

“I’m very fond of ‘Tequila Clarke’.” Lexa finishes tying and leans over to kiss Clarke shortly, but not lacking passion. 

“You’ve seen ‘Tequila Clarke’ once.” Clarke breathes out against the other woman’s lips, attempting to pull her back down on top of her. 

Lexa doesn’t fall for it and gets up, grabbing her white coat near the door.

“Yeah, she was naked and couldn’t get enough of me.” Lexa says, hand on the doorknob, about to leave the room.

“Dr. Woods…” Clarke shakes her head in disapproval, sitting up a bit. 

“Have fun at your party.”

“Have fun at your thing.” 

Lexa leaves the room and Clarke throws her head back on the pillow.

 

——

 

“Geez, what’s your deal Murph? You look like someone kicked your puppy.”

Clarke comes into her kitchen looking for the tequila she tasked Raven to pick up specifically for her, spotting a brooding Murphy perched on top of her kitchen counter. 

The house was a bit over run with what seemed to be the majority of hospital staff and no one was holding back from cutting loose and having a good time. Clarke was even sure she saw Dr. Lee shooting back a shot with Lincoln who was taking a break from a serious game of beer pong in the backyard.

“There was a situation with Dr. Woods and our junkie patient.” finally grunts as Clarke finds what she’s looking for in the fridge. 

She opens the bottle and takes a swig before handing it to Murphy. Clarke’s pretty sure she’s drunk right now, but she thinks she heard Murphy mention Lexa, so she hops up on the counter beside him.

“Dr. Woods, huh? Female or male and what happened?” Clarke asks, not as graceful or casual as she would if she were sober.

“Female. We were trying to release the junkie. He wanted to stay strung up on drugs. Putting up a real fight with the nurses. I stepped in, may have got a little rough with the guy, Dr. Woods interfered. Guy, punched her straight in the face.” 

Clarke feels a rush of emotions run through her. Anger, lots of anger, and then some worry. 

Lexa’s face is perfect, there should be no more damage to such artwork. Clarke thinks, taking the tequila bottle from Murphy’s hand and chugging again.

“What are you upset about then? You’re not the one who got punched.” Clarke slurred a bit, but trying her very best to be supportive. 

She liked Murphy. They were friends. And they pushed each other competitively. Maybe she even trusted him a little and saw why Lexa might want to mentor him.

“I like working with Dr. Woods. I learn a lot from her. If I hadn’t been a dick with the guy, he would’ve probably gone a bit easier and now I’m sure Woods is pissed at me and probably doesn't want me on her service ever.” Murphy replied trying not to sound like he cared much, even though he clearly did. 

Clarke shook her head no. 

“Nope. Something tells me, Woods likes the difficult cases. You’re definitely difficult. Don’t worry about it, seriously.” Clarke says, knowing Lexa wouldn’t do that to Murphy, her claimed ‘prodigy’. 

“Seriously?” Murphy asks her taking the tequila from her hands after she almost dropped it. 

“Seriously. Now. Let’s go dance.” Clarke attempts to exit the kitchen, but Murphy stops her. 

“Not until you down some water and eat something. The party’s barley started. It’d be embarrassing if you KO’d soon.” Murphy gestures for her to sit down on a barstool and hands her a bowl of chips and a glass of water. 

Yeah, Murphy and I can be friends. We can be good friends. Clarke thinks as she crunches and sips. 

—

Two hours later, Clarke finds herself outside on her front porch after trying to escape the heat of so many bodies being in one place. She’s not too drunk, probably the same amount of drunk she was earlier. 

Trusty, nearly empty tequila bottle because she was forcing people to take shots, in hand, Clarke sways back and forth by herself to the beat of muffled music coming from inside her house. She doesn’t know how long she ‘dances’, before she stops and puts down the bottle on the edge of her porch and spots a certain some one across the lawn. 

“You really need to stop getting beat up, Dr. Woods.” Clarke almost shouts across the lawn.

Lexa is leaned against her jeep, hands in her pant pockets, fresh black-eye from getting punched, and watching Clarke with an amused look on her face. 

“Dr. Griffin, you look like you’re having the time of your life.” She says walking across the lawn to meet Clarke on the porch steps. 

Clarke doesn’t move and can tell Lexa wants a hug or a kiss or something. 

“I didn't think you were going to show.” Clarke adds ignoring Lexa’s need to get close to her and moving a bit closer to the front door. Not sure if she can trust herself, if the attending takes another step towards her.

She may have been drunk, but she was still very aware of the many doctors and nurses inside her house. Any moment one of them could walk out and catch the two of them.

Lexa seems to understand this and backs away from the porch, lingering at the bottom of it’s steps. 

“You know in some states that’s illegal.” Lexa says watching Clarke pick the Tequila bottle back up and gulp it like it’s water out in the open for whoever to see.

Clarke ignores her words and just stares as if she’s trying to undress Lexa with her eyes. Not really surprised she’s just a tad turned on by the attending’s bruised face. 

Lexa just chuckles. 

“You blew off dinner with me for a bottle of tequila?” Lexa tries again after another moment and this time it works because Clarke is setting the bottle back on the porch and stepping down the porch steps.

She goes up to Lexa and closes the space in between them with a sloppy, yet passionate kiss. 

 

“Tequila’s no good for you, Clarke.” Lexa whispers as she moves her lips to Clarke’s chin. 

 

“Doesn’t call.”

 

Lexa moves her lips to her neck. 

 

“Doesn’t write.”

 

She moves the fabric of Clarke’s thin sweater gently to the side so she can kiss her in between the space of her shoulder and neck. 

 

“Not nearly as much fun to wake up to.” 

 

And then back on to her lips. 

 

“Got me waking up next to you not too long ago.” 

 

Clarke finally manages out, unable to before because she was caught up in the sensation of Lexa’s tongue on her skin and how she was certain she would melt away in to a puddle at any moment. 

 

“Lucky me.” Lexa whispers about to resume her kissing when Clarke shakes her head no. 

“Not here. You and me. Jeep. Right now.” Clarke mumbles before taking Lexa’s hand and dragging her to the car.

“Seriously?” Lexa asks her, fumbling the keys out of her pocket and unlocking the door.

“Seriously.” Clarke says shoving Lexa into the backseat and hopping inside, closing the door behind them.

-

 

“Clarke, come on, put your clothes back on. The party is winding down. We should sneak inside now.” Lexa tries to say as Clarke peppers her face with barley sober kisses.

Clarke is straddled on top of her, the attending’s button down wrapped over her shoulders, leaving Lexa in just her bra and pants underneath her. Clarke stops her kisses and holds the the other woman’s face in her hands. Lexa is looking at her a certain way and it annoys Clarke that she can’t place it. No one has ever looked at her this way and she wants to know so badly what Lexa’s thinking. 

“We’ve done enough sneaking for tonight. No more sneaking.” Clarke whispers, afraid being any louder will pop the perfect bubble they’re in at the moment. 

“We’re pretty good sneakers, though, huh?” Lexa whispers back, looking deep into her eyes, Clarke’s not sure how she can get any deeper.

 

A loud knock on the window pops their bubble. Clarke looks up from Lexa and sees Dr. Lee, standing outside the window, not looking very pleased. 

 

“Mind moving this Jeep? You’re blocking me in.” Indra says loud enough for both her and Lexa to hear through the window. 

Clarke is too shocked at getting caught half naked on top of Lexa to say anything before Indra walks off and to her car parked in front of them. 

“Apparently, not good enough.” Clarke finally says, removing herself from on top of Lexa so she can back out. 

Lexa looks at her almost apologetically before kissing her cheek quickly. 

“Don’t worry. It’s just Indra. She won’t say anything.” Lexa says, trying to reassure her.

It doesn’t really work. There’s a reason they call Indra ‘The Nazi’ and Clarke is sure she’s fucked. 

 

———

 

Lexa was certain her phone was broken. 

Well, it had to be. It was the only logical reason, Clarke wasn’t answering her texts. And she sent a good amount. She even called, despite it being 2016 and people not calling anymore. Lexa, was certain her phone was broken. And to make matters worse, apparently people at the hospital were calling her ‘McDreamy’. 

What does that even mean? Lexa asked herself as she sat at the bar waiting for Lincoln and Anya to show up. 

She was also hoping Clarke would stumble in like she did a month ago with her friends.

 

“What’s up with you?” Lincoln asked taking a seat next to her, shoving a handful of nuts from a bowl into his mouth. 

Lexa sighed. 

“Are people calling me McDreamy?”

“You heard about that?”

“Lincoln.”

Lincoln just shrugged and signaled the bartender for a beer. 

“As much as I hate to admit it Lex, you’re kind of easy on the eyes. Not as hot as me of course, but not bad. Interns talk.”

“It’s annoying.” Lexa mumbled back, taking a sip of her beer. 

“You were the one who called yourself dreamy in front of them.”

“You then proceeded to ask for their opinion on it.”

 

Lincoln gave her a look, knowing something else was bothering Lexa.

 

“Alright, what’s this really about? Pissed you got beat up in the hospital again?”

“No, it’s nothing.”

“I thought I taught you how to duck. In the last month you’ve had a broken nose, concussion, a ‘serious’ paper cut you made me put a band aid on, and a black eye.”

“I don’t care about any of that, it’s just…”

“Worried, your girlfriend gonna get jealous all the interns have the hots for you?”

 

Lexa stopped herself from glaring and went more for a face of indifference. She did however shove her brother, causing him to spill a bit of his beer.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lexa replied, going back to messing with the sticker on her beer bottle. 

Lincoln remained silent for a moment. 

“I had an interesting conversation with Indra this morning…”

Lexa could feel her eyes get big like they usually do when she’s been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to.

“She told you about me and..!?!” Lexa asks a little too loudly, causing a couple of other patrons to look their way. 

 

Lincoln’s face breaks into a huge smile, knowing he’s got her.

 

“She didn’t tell me anything. I just said I had an interesting conversation with her. Tell me Lexa, who is it? Do they work with us? Are they a nurse?” Lincoln is practically jumping around her. 

 

Okay maybe he doesn’t know, maybe Indra didn't say anything, Geez calm down. Lexa tells herself, you almost gave yourself away. 

 

“No.” Lexa says shaking her head. 

“I’m your brother. We’re supposed to share these things with one another.”

 

Lexa keeps her mouth shut, but then she remembers Clarke hasn’t text or talked to her in three days. She’s also been doing a fantastic job of avoiding her at the hospital. And Lincoln’s her brother. She can trust him with this. Plus, she needs to know how to go about her current situation and Lincoln’s good with this kind of stuff. She can trust him.

 

“Let’s just say…hypothetically..” Lexa begins, slowly turning in her stool to face her brother, but avoiding eye contact. 

“Hypothetically, of course.” Lincoln replies immediately, waiting for Lexa to spill whatever she’s hiding.

“Hypothetically, I was maybe, seeing an intern..”

 

Lincoln’s face gets serious for a moment and then turns into a huge grin as he begins to laugh.

 

“You really know how to pick em, huh, Lex.” He says patting her on the back. 

“Hypothetically.” Lexa tries to correct him, despite it being no good. He knows there’s no hypothetical here.

“I thought you liked the blonde from the bar? Anya said you liked her enough to go home with her.”

“I did. A lot.”

The two siblings drink their beers.

“There’s something you’re not telling me here.” Lincoln says seeming a bit confused. 

He knew Lexa wasn’t one to jump from one woman to another. 

“What if I told you, this same blonde, just happens to also work at Seattle Grace.” Lexa mutters quietly, not sure if she really wants him to hear this part. 

She watches as her brother’s face gets serious again, she thinks she even sees a slight flare of anger in his eyes, but she’s not too sure.

“You stupid son of bitch. I fucking knew it.” Lincoln finally says, looking at her disapprovingly. 

“Knew what?” Lexa tries to play dumb. 

“You and Clarke. God, for a surgeon you’re really stupid. She’s the Chief’s daughter. You’re mentor’s daughter. You think Abby is going to allow this?”

“Abby doesn’t need to know. Not yet.”

“Does Clarke know her mom was your attending back in the day?”

“We haven’t really talked much about family. Too busy.”

“Gross.”

“We’re doctors, Lincoln. I haven’t even taken her out on a proper date yet.” Lexa adds, wondering if she’ll even get that chance now, after Indra’s caught them and Clarke’s become a magician, performing a disappearance act. 

She can’t really blame Clarke though. If the roles were reversed, Lexa would be a mess right now. Still, there was a moment. Well, lots of moments. But a moment when they were in car. Right before Indra interrupted. A moment when she looked at Clarke and didn’t feel like an attending who was making a bad decision. A moment when Clarke wasn’t an intern and she wasn’t her boss’s boss. A moment when she was just Lexa and Clarke was Clarke. Lexa thought about that a moment a lot the last three days and she wondered if Clarke thought about it too.

 

Lincoln notices Lexa drift off for a second while she’s deep in thought. He still looks at her disapprovingly, when Lexa comes back, but the flare of anger she saw before is gone.

 

“Wait. You made her breakfast. You’re the girl who went over the one morning. Octavia told me all about you…”

 

Realization settles for Lincoln. And Lexa as well.

 

“You’re Octavia’s doctor boyfriend? She can do much better. So much better.”

 

Lexa is kind of impressed. Not that she doesn’t think her brother is great, but she had no idea he’d go for a girl so eccentric and ‘untamable’, as Octavia had described herself at breakfast. Lincoln tended to go for the more quiet and conservative type.

 

“What did you think of her? She’s awesome, huh?” Lincoln smiles thinking of Octavia, almost forgetting about her and Clarke.

“Yeah, she’s funny.” Lexa nods and finishes her beer. She liked Octavia. 

“I can’t believe you. Clarke Griffin..” 

“In my defense, I met her before I knew she was an intern.” Lexa tries to defend, but it doesn’t help much. 

“I go to dinner all the time with her and her mom. I’m like Abby’s adopted son. She’s practically my little sister.” Lincoln groans.

“I’m your little sister.”

They both go quiet. 

Lexa almost forgets how close of friends Lincoln and Abby have gotten since he decided to follow Abby to Seattle Grace after their internship and residency, years ago. She wonders if Lincoln or Abby have ever mentioned her around Clarke before. She wonders if Clarke has pieced it altogether. She wonders if Clarke knows that a majority of what Lexa knows today as a doctor, is solely because Abby was the one who taught her. That and over-priced, grueling medical school.

 

“I’ll beat you up if you hurt her. I will.” Lincoln grumbles, trying to sound tough. 

“She’ll probably get rid of me before I even get chance.” Lexa mumbles.

“What did you do? It’s barley been a month since that night at the bar.”

“You were at the party at her house three days ago?”

“Yes.”

“Indra was there. Caught us having sex in my car outside.”

That does it. If Lincoln wasn’t a bit overwhelmed before with her (maybe) dating Clarke, he is now. 

“What is wrong with you, Alexandria? Seriously, in a car?” 

“We would have gone inside, but she didn’t want to be seen with me.”

Lexa remembers Clarke muttering things like ‘unprofessional’, ‘dirty little secret’, ‘can’t be seen by the others’, in between kisses as they took off each other’s clothes in her backseat. 

“Well, explains Indra’s crappy mood.”

“I assume I can count on you not saying anything. Clarke would be really upset. Not even Anya. If you do, I’ll castrate you.” Lexa says, dead serious.

Clarke may not be talking to her at the moment. In fact, she probably never wanted to see Lexa again, but despite it all, Lexa really, really, really, liked Clarke. And she’d do anything to protect her, even from her brother, who tended to gossip like a 65 year old woman at a hair salon. 

“Trust me. I won’t say a word. For your sake and Clarke's, my lips are sealed.”


	6. I'm a Runner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my opinion this chapter could have been written a bit better, but I wanted to get an update out for you guys. Let me know what you think. I'm sorry if there's any mistakes, I've been out of town and on the road. 
> 
>  
> 
> thingsyouwishyouwouldvesaid.tumblr.com

“Shit.”

“Shit? You’re avoiding me.”  

After four days, Lexa had finally ran into Clarke, who stopped dead in her tracks like a deer in headlights, once she saw the attending. 

“I’m not avoiding you. I’m late, Dr. Woods.” Clarke tries to brush her off, turning around and walking into a supply room instead. 

Lexa follows her in, shutting the door behind them. She watched as the intern paced back and forth in the small room, huffing and puffing, getting herself riled up. 

“Indra caught us. And now you’re avoiding me.” Lexa confronts the blonde, who’s now stopped and is staring at Lexa, clearly annoyed. 

After a moment of what seems to be deep concentration for the intern, Clarke sighs and attempts to get past Lexa and out the door instead of having to face the attending. Lexa blocks her. She’s waited four days to talk to Clarke. She wasn’t just going to let her leave no matter how clear Clarke was showing she didn't want to have this conversation. 

“Clarke, please.” Lexa pleads, seriously.

Clarke crosses her arms and looks at her. 

“Yes, I’m avoiding you. Indra, one of my residents caught you, the attending, and me, the intern, in your car having sex. So, yes I’m avoiding you.”

“How can I make this better for you? How can I can fix this?” Lexa tries. 

“Look, I like you, I do. A lot, but you and I can’t be seen together not right now, not for a while. Not until Indra stops looking at me like she wants to kill me and starts to talk to to me like I’m a person again.” Clarke tells her sounding utterly defeated. 

Lexa reaches out to blonde and pulls her into her arms.

“Could be a while. I get a grudge-holder vibe from her. If I was a better woman, I’d walk away.” Lexa says into Clarke’s hair, taking in the scent of the intern’s coconut scented shampoo. 

“Sure you would, but you’re not helping at all.” Clarke mumbles against her shoulder.  

“Do you want me to be a better woman? Want me to walk away?” 

Lexa pulls away to look at Clarke. 

“Yes. No. Shit. I’m late.” Clarke says, frustrated, but not with much conviction. 

“Look, I’m sorry she caught us, but I’m not sorry about you and me.”

Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand and squeezed it. Clarke sighed and leaned back into Lexa. Her forehead buried into her shoulder again. Lexa wanted nothing more than anything to kiss the the intern after not seeing her for so long, but just as she was about to, the supply door was swung open.  
Once seeing who it was, Clarke practically shoved Lexa away like she was the plague and into a shelve of gauze and rubber gloves, several small boxes collapsing to the floor. 

“Dr. Griffin. Dr. Woods. Nice to see you both.” Dr. Lee looked at both of them disdainfully, despite her tone seeming neutral. 

“Dr. Lee. Always a pleasure.” Lexa responded casually, picking up a box of gauze that had fallen off the shelf. 

Indra stood staring at both girls, judging them harshly, not at all attempting to hide it. Lexa could tell Clarke wanted to say something. She could tell Clarke wanted to say what Indra saw was nothing but a one time thing, never to happen again. However, they both knew that wasn’t true. Her and Lexa were far from being a ‘one-time thing’.

“Dr. Griffin, go check on my pre-ops.” Dr. Lee ordered. 

Without a final look to Lexa, Clarke nodded and quickly left the supply room. The intern had been putting up with Indra’s wrath the last couple of days and Lexa knew this had to be the cherry on top

 

“Dr. Lee…” Lexa calmly states, feeling sweat seep in the pours of her hands. 

Lexa was never one to get sweaty hands when she was nervous or uncomfortable, but with the way Indra was staring at her, the moment rendered it. 

“No, you don’t get to talk. I’m talking and you’re going to listen.” Indra interrupts her, not bothering to lessen her piercing glare. 

“Indra..” 

“You are an attending, Dr. Woods. She is an intern and not just any intern. The chief’s daughter. The chief may like you just fine right now, but she won’t like you at all when she finds out about this.”

“She won’t find out. Not yet at least.” Lexa says without much confidence. 

A part of her is truly concerned about how Abby will react once she discovers that she’s been much more than a mentor to Clarke. Lexa knows she should walk away. It would be the smart and easier thing to do. However, it isn’t that simple. The nature of these kind of things never is. 

“Alexandria, you two are being far from careful. I see the little looks you two sneak each other. At first I thought it was nothing. Just two women looking, admiring each other’s attractiveness. Next, I find you two in a car half naked outside a party. Have you no pride or decency?” Indra’s asks, her voice becoming louder.

The two stand staring at each other for a moment. Indra trying to get the severity of the situation through to Lexa, Lexa knowing every word the other doctor is saying is true. 

“Dr. Griffin is a good girl and an even better doctor. If this gets around, you think her peers are going to be nice about it? No, they’re going to give her a hard time and she doesn’t need that. She’s a good surgeon right now. Imagine what she can become at the end of all this.” Indra speaks much more quietly now, almost as if she feels bad for reaming into Lexa, but still trying to prove her point. 

“I’m done. For now, at least.” Indra says with a shake of her head and walks out of the supply closet to leave Lexa with what she just said.

Lexa knows she should listen. She should leave Clarke alone. She should stop with the flirting, the dinner proposals, the call room make-out sessions, all of it. She should be a better woman and walk away. But how can you walk away from something that feels like so much more? How can Lexa walk away from someone who’s made her feel more alive in the last month than she’s ever felt in the last ten years?  
——

 

“You’re late.” Murphy mutters as he ties his shoelaces on the locker room bench.

“I know, and I can’t afford to piss off Dr. Lee anymore.” Clarke replies, quickly opening her locker and grabbing her white coat. 

She was in a crappy mood. She had spent the previous night replaying her and Lexa’s conversation in her head and debating on whether or not to call the attending. She ended up staying awake too late and overslept. A habit she was apparently developing at the wrong time. 

“Why’s that?” Murphy asked, a bit interested. 

“I’m going to tell you something and you have to swear. You need to swear you won’t say anything, John. I’m serious.” Clarke looked around the locker room, making sure it was empty. 

“Must be pretty big if you’re using my first name. Spill?”

“Dr. Woods and I are sleeping together.” 

Clarke watched Murphy’s face, waiting for a reaction. Instead he stayed relatively calm and stoic. As if it wasn’t really news to him. 

“I knew it. There’s this weird sexual tension between you two. Real intense. I always feel like I’m interrupting something every time you two are in the same room.” Murphy said casually. 

“Yeah, well Indra saw us. On top of each other in Lexa’s car at the party.” Clarke huffed, slamming her locker door and leaning against it. 

“That’s not good.” 

“Do you think she told anyone?”

“About you and McDreamy?”

Clarke made a confused face. 

“McDreamy?”

“All the interns are calling her that. Something about her being dreamy. Personally, I don’t see it, but I respect it. But no. She’s her boss, too.”

Clarke stayed silent for a moment thinking about the nickname. It made sense. Lexa was dreamy in a charming and annoying way and apparently Clarke wasn’t the only one who thought so. She tried to ignore the small pang of jealously she felt and instead focused on overthinking her and Lexa’s situation. 

“If they find out…” Clarke let her mind run wild with the repercussions of the hospital discovering Lexa was more than her attending. 

Murphy sighed, not seeming to think it was such a big deal. 

“They won’t and if they do you’ll be fine. Your mom will take care of it. Yeah, you’ll probably be blacklisted kind of, shunned, banned from her surgeries maybe, but it’s 2016. Shit happens.”

“I have to end it. I definitely have to end it. I have to end it right?”

“Nah, you’ve got a hot doctor who likes you. It’s the American dream. Stop whining about it. Come on already. We’re late.”

Clarke followed Murphy out of the locker room and shoved her hands in her coat pockets. 

“No, no good can come from sleeping with your boss.” Clarke whispered to him as they caught up with the other interns and Dr. Lee. 

“Murphy. You’re late.” Dr. Lee stated, ignoring Clarke right beside him. 

“So, is Clarke.” Murphy defended himself, but also trying to get Indra to notice Clarke. 

Indra mumbled something underneath her breath and Clarke waited for a glare to be shot her way. However, it never came and Clarke wondered if this is how every one else would act if they discovered her and Lexa were seeing one another.

——

 

"Mr. Levangie, this is Dr. Lee and her fine staff of surgical interns.” Lexa said, as Dr. Lee and the interns stumbled into the room. 

Lexa focused her attention on the the patient’s medical chart before looking up to see Clarke hiding behind Miller and another intern. Lexa wanted to smile at the blonde, but she knew better. 

“Welcome to hell, kids.” Mr. Levangie stuttered as he was helped into the hospital bed by a nurse. 

“Murphy, present.” Dr. Lee said.

“Edward Levangie is a 63 year old man, admitted for pain management for dyskinesia. He’s been stable since last night and is responding well to medication, as well as to bolus injections.”

“Miller, possible treatments?” Lexa asked, noticing the intern wasn’t paying much attention. 

“For Parkinson’s Disease? Deep brain stimulation has shown very..” 

“Not for Parkinson’s, for spinal pain.” Lexa interrupted him as she examined Mr. Levangie. 

“Oh um..” Miller mumbled, looking through his pocket diagnosis book frantically. 

“Intraspinal catheter, that way he can have constant pain medication.”

Lexa looked up from her examine and nodded at Clarke who seemed upset with herself for speaking out of turn. Lexa was actually impressed. She hadn’t expected any of the interns to give her a proper diagnosis given the patient’s case. However, Clarke surprised her with the right response and the attending figured she’d reward her. 

“Excellent. This is Dr. Griffin. She’s going to prep you for the procedure and assist.” Lexa helped Mr. Levangie lean back into the bed and quickly wrote something down in a chart before handing it to Clarke. 

“Excuse me.” Lexa ignored the other intern’s disappointed looks on their faces and made her way out of the room. 

It was a busy day for her and she had other patient’s to attend to. It was one less worry knowing Clarke would be handling Mr. Levangie. Lexa was confident in the blonde’s abilities and was sure she’d do fine. Plus, this meant Clarke wouldn't be able to completely avoid her for the day. Lexa was certain she was suffering from withdrawal from not being able to see the blonde since the other day. This way, not only would her patient be handled properly, but she’d also get her fix of being around her favorite intern. 

Lexa pulled her cell phone out of her pocket as she got into the elevator, looking quickly at some messages before noticing Dr. Lee hopping in with her. Lexa looked up and politely smiled at the other doctor. 

“Indra.” Lexa greeted the woman.

“Excuse me?” Indra shot back, more upset than Lexa expected. 

Great. What did I do now? Lexa thought to herself.

“Well, that’s your name, right? It’s on your jacket.” Lexa replied.

Indra continued to glower at her. 

“All right fine, I’ll just call you ‘Lee’ then.” Lexa added, not really in the mood for another confrontation with the doctor. 

“You think you’re charming, in that talented, neurotic, overly pampered hair sort of way. Good for you. But if you think I’m gonna stand back and watch while you favor her..” Indra spoke up, harshly. 

“I don’t favor her. She’s good. You told me yourself.” Lexa replied, as Indra shook her head as if she just about had it with the attending. 

“Can I point out that, technically, I’m your boss.” 

“You don’t scare me. You may have half the hospital calling you the Commander and the other half calling you McDreamy, but look. I’m not gonna advertise your extracurricular activities with my intern. However, next time I see you favoring Clarke Griffin again in any way, I’ll make sure she doesn’t see the inside of an OR for a month.” Indra coldly responded before stepping out of the elevator, leaving Lexa feeling like she just got reprimanded by her school teacher. 

“And here I thought you and I were becoming friends.” Lexa muttered, stabbing the elevator button to shut the doors, over and over again with her finger. 

——

 

“Dr. Griffin, wait!” 

Clarke turned around to see Mr. Levangie’s daughter. She seemed nervous in a way patient family member’s usually are around doctors treating their loved ones. 

“Miss. Levangie..” 

The woman fiddled with her fingers looking back at the hospital room her father was in as if he would walk out any minute to scold her for whatever it was she was about to ask. Clarke smiled in an attempt to calm and comfort the woman, but it didn't really seem to work. 

“I was wondering if you could speak with my dad about brain surgery…it’s just you’re blonde, blue eyes, and he has a thing for pretty blondes. God, that was rude, I’m sorry, I haven’t slept much.” Miss. Levangie stumbled over her words before putting her hand on her head, embarrassed. 

“It’s fine, is he a candidate for the surgery?” 

“Yes, I’ve looked up the surgery online, and I know there’s risks, but his quality of life..”

Clarke wondered for a moment why Lexa hadn’t mentioned this before. The surgery could help Mr. Levangie significantly, if it was successful. 

“There isn’t any.” Clarke added, realizing Mr. Levangie really couldn't do much on his own.  
The older gentleman depended on home-stay nurses and his daughter for what most people would consider ‘mundane’ tasks. If there was any chance the surgery could improve Mr. Levangie’s muscles and pain management, then Clarke figured they should at least give it try. 

“Right, I just think it’s worth a shot. I’m getting married next month and I’ve already lost my mom and I’d just like for him to be there..” Miss. Levangie went on before stopping herself to get a hold of her emotions.

Clarke put her hand on the woman’s arm and gave it comforting squeeze. 

“I’ll see what I can do.”  
\----

“Dr. Woods.”

Lexa looked up from her salad to see her favorite blonde standing right in front of her. She also noticed Indra sitting nearby at a table in perfect earshot, staring their way. 

“Mr. Levangie, the Parkinson’s patient, is he a good candidate for DBS?” Clarke asked, pulling out a chair and taking a seat. 

Lexa put down her fork and wiped her mouth with a napkin. 

“Yes, but he’s not interested.” Lexa answered, using her most professional voice, knowing Indra was listening. 

Clarke didn't seem fazed and shook her head as if Lexa was wrong. 

“Okay, but I think it’s worth talking to him again, pushing him..” 

“We’re talking about a surgery that is performed while the patient is wide awake. There is a risk of paralysis, a risk of death, and the patient doesn’t want it. It’s not my job to push him into anything, Dr. Griffin, and it’s definitely not yours.” Lexa interrupted the blonde, sternly and loud enough for Indra and some others in the cafeteria to hear. 

“Okay..” 

“Since you’re uncomfortable with my decision on this case, it’s probably best you don’t scrub in. It’s a minor procedure. You won’t be missed.” Lexa added painfully, looking away from Clarke and dismissing her with a look she only reserved for scaring interns. 

Clarke looked at Lexa in confusion before getting up from the table and angrily stomping away without another word. 

“You know they call you the Nazi.” Lexa sighed and turned to face Indra, once Clarke was out of sight. 

Indra was now focused on some magazine and didn't bother to look up from it. 

“So, I’ve heard. It’s probably the same reason they call you the Commander.” 

Lexa chuckled before getting up and throwing her salad into the trash. She had lost her appetite and wondered to herself why fate was such a douchebag sometimes when it came to who you fall in love with. 

—— 

“It’s just that she blatantly favors me in front of her, and then blatantly dismisses me.” Clarke complained to Murphy who seemed to already be over the whole conversation. 

After being shut down by Lexa for trying to convince Mr. Levangie to look into surgical options and being kicked from the case, Clarke was fuming with rage and venting to Murphy who was just trying to enjoy his turkey sandwich in the courtyard. 

Clarke just didn't understand why Lexa had brushed her off when she was just trying to help their patient, well Lexa’s patient now. 

“How do you know she was favoring you?” Murphy asked.

Clarke gave him a look and got up from the bench and began to pace back in forth in attempt to cool her anger. 

“Look, you’ve got a brain. You got into this program before your mom was appointed chief. Just because Woods munched your cookies doesn’t mean you didn’t deserve what you worked for.”

“But she’s making me look bad. I have to end it.” 

“Right.”

“It’s over.”

“Uh huh.”

Clarke was certain now that she had to end whatever it was she and Lexa had. She had to end it if she wanted to be respected by her peers and the doctors above her. She had to end it because it wasn’t fair for Lexa to choose her for a case she hadn’t earned to begin with and then kick her off for no reason. She had to end it because her career was more important then some fling with an attending. 

“Is it true you get to scrub in on Woods’s Parkinson case?” Bellamy appeared from nowhere, Monty behind him. 

“Don’t sit here.” Clarke groaned, feeling her mood worsen by the Blake being in her presence. 

“You get to scrub in? I thought Clarke was, how psyched are you?” Monty asked Murphy, excitingly. 

“On a scale from one to ecstatic? Ecstatic.” Murphy replied, not sounding all too ‘ecstatic’. 

“You know what I think? I think Woods wants to get into your scrubs.” Bellamy smirked at Murphy who just rolled his eyes. 

Clarke glared at him. She was upset with Lexa, but hearing the attending’s name mentioned by Bellamy made her want to stab the man with a scalpel. 

“Why are you sitting here, Blake?” Murphy asked. 

“Come on. She kicked Griffin off that surgery, for the same crap you pull every day. Question her decisions, get into arguments with patients, she wants you.” Bellamy continued, ignoring how much much he was un-welcomed. 

“If I stuck this fork into his thigh, would I get in trouble?”

“Not if you make it look like an accident.” Clarke mumbled as Bellamy finally took a hint, leaving the other interns in the court yard. 

“Is everything okay, you seem…gloomy.” Miller asked, nudging her as they watched the other Blake leave. 

“Woods is a jackass.” Clarke sighed. 

“Really? I think she’s kind of great. Apparently, she was kind of a hard ass before we got here, but she was probably adjusting from transferring and all.”

“She reamed her out in front of Dr. Lee.” Murphy laughed. 

“Why?” Miller asked, curious. 

“Cause. She’s a jackass.” Clarke answered, still angry and bitter. 

——

“How’s you back?” Lexa asked Mr. Levangie as she stood by his bedside. 

When Clarke came up to her earlier that day, proposing they push a bit more with surgery for Mr. Levangie, she wanted tell the girl that she had. A dozen times and would continue to do so if Mr. Levangie could be convinced. But she also knew that she couldn’t have Indra watch her give in so easily to the intern. So instead, Lexa went into ‘Commander’ mode and now was her chance to make it up to Clarke. 

“Still shit.” Mr. Levangie muttered, pain obvious in his tone.

Lexa nodded and began to examine him like she had this morning. 

“Want to lean forward for me? I just want to check something real quick.” 

Lexa moved her hands to the older man’s back, feeling his spine for the irregularities she knew were already there.

“Did you page?” 

Lexa finished her examine and helped Mr. Levangie lean back. She looked up and nodded at Clarke, who still seemed upset with her from the out-lash she got from the attending earlier.

“Mr. Levangie, have you given any more thought about the other surgical options we discussed?” Lexa asked casually.

Mr. Levangie made a face, obviously agitated he was being asked again about ‘other surgical options’. 

“What? Why would I? I’m already letting you cut into my back.”

Lexa shot a glance at Clarke and then back at Mr. Levangie.

“Sir, there’s a very small window of opportunity here. I really think you should reconsider.” 

“Get out of here! Get me another doctor!” Mr. Levangie barked at Lexa. 

Lexa nodded politely as if this wasn’t the first time he yelled at her. 

“Check back later. Try to get some rest.”

Lexa turned to leave the room and noticed Miss. Levangie standing in the doorway, unhappy with her father’s outburst. 

“Dad, you’re being unreasonable. Dr. Woods is trying to help. Don’t you want to get better?” Miss. Levangie pleaded with her father. 

“We discussed it already. I’ll be at your wedding. Your uncle will walk you down aisle. Now get out of here. Go!” The father yelled at his daughter.

Lexa watched from the side while Clarke stood beside the door, quiet. 

Mr. Levangie looked at both the doctors, with a broken, exhausted look on his face. 

“I don’t understand why she keeps bringing this surgery up. It’s my life.”

Lexa was about to speak up, but Clarke beat her to it.  
“It is your life, but it’s her life, too. You have a chance to get better here. All she’s asking you to do is try.” Clarke said, before walking out of the room leaving both Lexa and Mr. Levangie staring at one another in silence. 

 

——

“Can you please stop looking at me like that!” Lexa finally said as she scrubbed her hands and arms clean, prepping for a surgery with Lincoln and Indra. 

The whole time she had been scrubbing, Lexa could feel the resident’s intense glare burn into her skin and it was driving her insane. 

“Like how, Dr. Woods?” Indra asked as if she had no idea what Lexa was talking about. 

“Like I’ve committed mass murder.” Lexa stopped rinsing and reached for a towel to dry her arms off with. 

Indra was about to say something more, but was interrupted when someone entered the scrub room. 

“Dr. Woods..” Clarke greeted her holding a chart in her hand, seeming nervous with Indra in the room as well. 

Lexa smiled knowing Indra wouldn't be able to see through her surgical mask. 

“Yes?” 

“Mr. Levangie has agreed to the surgery, but only if we do it today.” Clarke responded happily.

Lexa sighed wondering how she was going to be able to do two surgeries at the same time. 

Indra seemed to read her mind and stopped scrubbing to face the attending. 

“Don’t worry Dr. Woods. It’ll take hours before we need you. Lincoln will understand. We’ll call you when it’s time.” Indra told her, nodding for the attending to go off to start prepping Mr. Levangie. 

Lexa removed her mask and grinned. She hadn’t expected for Mr. Levangie to change his mind and she could feel herself get excited at the idea of being able to give the older man a better life. A life in which he could walk his daughter down the aisle at her wedding. A life where he wouldn’t be deemed to a bed all day. She had a chance to give him so much more and she was glad he would give her that chance. That he would trust her to help him get better. 

“All right then, let’s do it.” 

—

Clarke watched as Lexa left the scrub room and waited till she was sure the attending was gone. 

The entire day for her had been a rollercoaster of emotions. She spent half the day convinced she’d end things with Lexa and never speak to her again and the other half not wanting to do anything more, but be with the attending despite the consequences of it. She’d take Indra’s wrath and everyone else’s disapproval if it meant her and Lexa could be together. She didn't care anymore. She wanted Lexa. 

“Dr. Lee..” Clarke began, waiting for Indra to look at her. 

“I didn’t know she was my boss when I met her. I didn’t know.” Clarke quickly said, trying to ignore the tension in the room.

“I don’t care.” Indra said matter-of-factly. 

“Really? Well, you sort of seem to have it out for me right now and I just..”

Indra shook her head as if she couldn't be more frustrated with the girl. 

“You see this, what’s happening right here? This is the problem. Not whether or not you knew her before. The longer this little fling goes on, the longer she favors you over the others, the more difficult it gets. People won’t work with you and won’t want to talk to you, they’ll complain to me and so on.”

Indra paused, took in a deep breath and let it out. 

"You’re a good surgeon right now Dr. Griffin, you can become better in the years to come. Do you really want to jeopardize it for her?”

Clarke wanted to say something, but she remained silent. She could tell Indra wanted her to say no. She could tell the resident wanted her to tell her she would end things with Lexa and focus on her career instead. But Clarke couldn’t say those words. She couldn't end things with Lexa and maybe her career would take a little heat from it, but never in her entire life had she felt something that was worth a risk. Something that was worth all the trouble and the judgement that was bound to come because of what her and Lexa were doing. 

“Get out of here. Go finish my charts and help Dr. Woods prep her patient.” Indra broke the silence and gestured for Clarke to leave, knowing her words had been of no use. 

——

Eight hours after her talk with Dr. Lee, Clarke laid on a stiff twin bed in a call room, too tired to make the drive home to her own bed. She had sent a text to Lexa letting her know she was in, what had apparently became ‘their’ call room. 

Clarke wasn’t sure if the attending was still in surgery or if she was even still in the hospital, but Clarke hoped the other doctor would come. It had been an exhausting week with avoiding Lexa, dealing with Indra’s wrath, and being a surgical intern in general. The blonde wanted nothing more than to just see and relax with the person she was beginning to care immensely about. 

After another twenty minutes, Clarke heard the call room door open and for some reason she knew it was the person she’d been waiting for.

“How were your surgeries?” Clarke turned over, so she could see Lexa locking the door before sliding into the small bed with her, like she’d been doing it for years. 

Clarke wondered how it was that Lexa could still act so warm and caring with her after she’d been avoiding the attending for days instead of being brave and dealing with what had happened the night of the party. The intern placed her hand over the other doctor’s heart feeling it beat against her palm. She watched as Lexa gently grabbed her hand and planted several kisses on it. 

“Surgery with Mr. Levangie was a success. He should be able to walk his daughter down the aisle in a year. Lincoln’s surgery was a mess..” Lexa said closing her eyes while Clarke ran her fingers through the brunette’s hair. 

“Did the patient live?” 

“No. She didn’t.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. Don’t be.”

“About earlier. When I brought up the surgery."

Clarke could feel Lexa’s body tense a bit beside her before relaxing again. 

“Sorry. Indra, was on a war path. I was trying to protect you.” Lexa finally said, opening her eyes and staring at Clarke. 

Clarke sat up in the bed so she was facing Lexa better. 

“Yeah, that’s the exact reason she’s on a war path. You can’t do me any favors or ask me to be on a case when I haven’t earned it.”

Lexa nodded understandingly, watching as Clarke entangled their hands. 

“I know.” 

“But you can’t treat me like crap either when I haven’t earned it.”

“Yeah.” 

“I got into this mess, I can take care of myself.”

“You think we’re a mess? You and me?”

“There’s no you and me, Lexa.” Clarke joked, leaning back down so that she was now pressed against Lexa’s side. 

“I think we’re beautiful. Love story of epic legends and fairy tales.”

“No more, special treatment. Keep a distance. Leave me be.”

Lexa chuckled, lifting Clarke’s chin up so that she was able to kiss her.

“I missed you these last couple of days. Even if you didn't miss me.” Lexa nearly whispered staring into Clarke’s eyes.

“I did miss you. I’m sorry. I should have handled it better. I can’t say it won’t happen again. I’m a runner.” Clarke sighed, feeling slightly vulnerable at her confession. 

“I exercise regularly. I’ll run after you.”

Clarke smiled. It was such a Lexa thing to say. 

“You did great today. With Mr. Levangie, but for the record, I didn’t ask you to be on the case because I like the way you look at me when I make you laugh. I choose you because you’re sharp and exceptionally skilled. You’re good and smart. Honest truth.” 

Clarke could feel her cheeks blush and hid herself in Lexa’s chest. 

“You said that about Murphy, are you using the same lines on all your interns?” Clarke looked up once she was certain her cheeks were now back to their normal color. 

“Take the compliment.” Lexa laughed. 

“Thank you.”

“When are you off?”

“Now.”

“You don’t want to go home? Sleep in your own bed?” Lexa asked, grabbing an extra blanket from beside them on a chair, covering them with it. 

“Are you kicking me out of the call room?” Clarke pulled the blanket off and straddled herself on top of the attending, who grinned while putting her hands behind her head. 

“No, I leave the kicking out to you.”

“One time. I was late. It happened one time.” 

Clarke laughed while Lexa pulled her back down, throwing the blanket back over them. 

“Shh, go to sleep.” Lexa mumbled pulling Clarke close and wrapping her arms around her securely, so that she couldn’t sneak away. 

Sleep? Clarke thought. 

No, she had other ideas. Other ideas that had no sleep at all.


	7. Super Screwed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, your comments are nice. They really motivate me a lot of the time. 
> 
> Happy reading.

“You need to get up now.”

Lexa groaned as Clarke hit the snooze on her alarm clock. The brunette buried herself deeper into the mountain of blankets Clarke had on her bed. 

“Not this again. What time is it?” Lexa moaned in the dark room, her voice muffled from the blankets. 

Clarke chuckled and yanked the blankets off of the doctor who was still very much naked from last night’s activities. Lexa grunted, but kept her eyes closed. Clarke rolled herself on top of the tanned woman, pressing a kiss here and there on exposed neck. 

“It’s 4:30 am and I have pre-rounds.” Clarke whispered into Lexa’s ear, biting earlobe gently. 

Lexa opened her eyes, rolling both her and Clarke over so their positions were now switched. Hungry lips met and hands roamed below the waist. 

“And if you don’t get up now, Octavia and Raven will see you.” Clarke breathed out as she felt Lexa’s lips traced down her stomach to her thigh. 

“So. Let them see me.”

“Miller is picking me up. He’ll see your car here. And Monty will be with him.”

Clarke opened her eyes and watched Lexa come up from beneath the blankets, lips no longer where Clarke wanted, needed them. Instead, Lexa quieted the blonde with a kiss that would most definitely keep them both in bed longer. 

“Shh, I’m trying to make out with you right now.” Lexa whispered, Clarke pulling the attending back down to her lips before stopping again. 

“They have a key. They’ll come in and make coffee while I get ready.”

“I’ll be quick then.” Lexa smirked, moving down Clarke’s body before the intern had a chance to stop her. 

“God, Lexa.” Clarke moaned as the brunette went to work, not even caring anymore that her friends would be downstairs in her kitchen soon. 

 

——

“Octavia, you’re up early.” 

Monty walked into the quiet kitchen, a yawning Miller following behind him. 

“I just got off of work.” Octavia sighed, attempting to rub the tiredness out of her eyes.

“Another night of catching bad guys and fighting crime?” Miller asked while he searched one of the cabinets for cereal. 

“Off to save lives?” Octavia replied, pouring two cups of hot, steaming coffee while a loud noise from above slightly startled the two tired interns who looked at Octavia, questionably. 

“Is someone up there with Clarke?” Monty asked, wondering if Clarke was hiding an undercover lover upstairs. 

“Yeah, her girlfriend. She says Lexa isn’t her girlfriend, but I call bullshit. Raven says they were at it and loud all night.” Octavia mumbles. 

“Lexa?” 

“Lexa Woods?”

The two interns exchange confused, surprised looks, not sure if what they are hearing can be true. 

“Yep. Brother is Lincoln..” Octavia answers casually, not understanding why the two boys have freaked out looks on their faces. 

A creak of wooden floor from the other room causes all three of them to look at the kitchen doorway. Miller and Monty both quietly, tip toe to see who’s on the other side of the door while Octavia rolls her eyes. 

“Shhh.” 

The two peak out through the barley open door and watch as Lexa quickly attempts to make her way down the stairs, hair disheveled, clothes wrinkled, and out the front door. Not once catching a glimpse of the two interns spying from the kitchen.

“Well, I guess surgery is not the only thing she’s good at.” Miller joked as Monty seemed to be a little more annoyed. 

It doesn’t add up for him. Clarke would never break the rules and jeopardize her career. Especially, just to sleep with an attending. 

“What’s the big deal?” Octavia asks, picking up on Monty’s souring mood. 

“Lexa’s an attending.” He mumbled, carefully taking a sip of his hot coffee still thinking of what him and Miller just learned. 

Octavia rolled her eyes again.

“So.” 

“She’s like our boss. Our boss’s boss.” Miller added, shoving his hand into the box of store brand cereal, crumbs falling from the side of his mouth. 

“Hey guys.”

A tired Clarke greets them trying to sound calm and casual, as if she hadn’t just had one of the best morning quickies in her entire life. She avoids Miller’s smug smirk and Monty’s judgmental stare, instead grabbing a coffee thermos to pour her mandatory morning beverage in. 

“Good morning.” The three friends greet back. 

“You and Lexa?” Miller asks, bluntly. 

“What?” 

Clarke’s cheeks reddened and her eyes moved frantically like they did some times when she was caught in a lie. She tries to form words, but is failing terribly. Lexa wasn’t supposed to be seen. 

“She just snuck out.” Octavia chuckled leaving the kitchen for Clarke to fend for herself. 

“Uhhhh.” was all that came out of Clarke’s mouth as she moved around the kitchen trying to find the top to her thermos, but also delaying an explanation to Miller and Monty. 

“Hope you know what you’re doing.” Monty finally mumbled as Clarke found the top and sealed it on her thermos. 

Clarke still couldn't find any words to say for the moment. So instead, she just nodded and gave both Miller and Monty a look that said ‘we’ll talk later’ and gestured them out of the kitchen so they wouldn't be late to work. 

 

———

 

“Late night Griffin?” Dr. Lee’s voice appeared behind Clarke as the intern yawned. She hadn’t really gotten much sleep the night before and a certain attending was mostly to blame. 

To add on to her tiredness, things had still been a little tense between Indra and her since Clarke had tried to explain herself to the resident two weeks ago in the scrub room. However, Dr. Lee seemed to be caring less and less about her and what Lexa liked to call their, ‘secret love affair’. Well, she was at least acknowledging her again. The death glares were still going on here and there. And apparently Lexa was worried that Indra might have her jumped, but other than that things were going much better and Clarke was beginning to feel less stressed because of it. 

“No. Coffee hasn’t kicked in yet.” Clarke yawned again not even bothering to hide it this time. 

Indra raised her eyebrows and sighed. 

“For your sake, I hope it does. We got a dozen consults in the pit. You, Murphy, and Green head down there.” Indra ordered looking at some paperwork Monty had just brought her from the lab. 

“Help. We need help right now.”

Clarke looked up to see a man clutching his throat, while a woman dragged him down the hall roughly, by the arm, seeming very upset. 

“What’s the problem?” Dr. Lee asked, observing the man who didn't seem to be as worried as the woman with him was. 

“My boyfriend swallowed my keys.” The woman retorted, angrily as she looked at the man beside her with mild disgust, and severe annoyance. 

Clarke held back a snort as Indra rolled her eyes. 

“Green stay with me.” Indra sighed as if she was already done with the day. 

“Lee, can I have Murphy? I’ll trade you Snow.”

Lexa appeared out of nowhere, looking behind her as if she was worried someone had followed her. Clarke shot her an amused look, and Lexa let out a small grin before looking back at Dr. Lee who without a doubt caught the little interaction. 

“Dr. Woods, all interns need to learn different specialties. You’ve had Murphy for three days straight.”

Lexa shook her head no, not caring at all, and grabbed Murphy who was off to the side looking at something on his phone. 

“Murphy’s my guy. I need him. I’m taking him. Snow is down in the pit.” Lexa simply added as she dragged Murphy away before Indra could say anything more. 

Indra looked as if she was ready to explode with frustration before she let out a deep breath and quickly shut her eyes for a moment before opening them again. 

“I’m surprised she didn’t ask for you.” Indra finally muttered, seeming to be more calm than she was twenty seconds ago. 

Clarke just shrugged her shoulders and made her way down to the pit, wondering if she had time to stop at the cafeteria for another coffee and maybe an energy bar. 

—

The next five hours, Clarke and, Ontari, the intern Lexa had left when she stole Murphy, went from patient to patient in the pit, doing stitches, cleaning various cuts and wounds, and diagnosing minor surgical cases. 

Clarke didn’t mind working with Ontari much. She did find the other intern staring at her oddly from time to time, as if she wanted to ask her something, but Snow never did and so Clarke ignored it. Instead, she focused her attention on her patients while also checking her cell here and there, to see how much longer she had until she could go pass out in a call room or in her bed at home. So far, she had another twelve hours to go and man was she feeling it. 

“Excuse me sir, you’re bleeding.”

Clarke heard Ontari’s voice behind her and quickly turned around in interest. 

“Yeah, I know, I have an appointment with a Dr. Woods.” A tall, muscular man was attempting to sign himself in at the front desk of the ER while blood dripped down his left shoulder. 

“Which one?” Clarke walked up, trying to get a better look of where the blood was coming from. 

“The pretty one.” The man replied grinning way too much for Clarke’s comfort. 

“They’re both pretty. Man or woman?” Ontari chuckled, gesturing for the man to walk with them to a nearby hospital bed. 

The man followed and plopped himself on the bed as if he was their for a routine check up. 

“Man.” 

“Mind if I take a look, real quick?” Clarke asked, as Ontari went to page Lincoln. 

The man nodded and removed his now bloodied shirt and threw it beside him on the bed. 

“Sure, sure.”

“Jesus. We got a gunshot wound!” Clarke shouted to Ontari across the room at the nurse’s station. 

“Really, it’s not a big deal. I scheduled this.” The man said calmly, with a satisfactory grin on his face. 

“What? The gunshot?” Ontario asked, appearing with some extra gauze and handing it to Clarke so she could stop the bleeding until Lincoln got there. 

“Yeah, my friend shot me.”

“Friend?” Clarke and Ontari asked at the same time, looking at the man like he was out of his mind. 

“Yeah.” the man said, ignoring the interns gawking stares and looking at his bullet wound with admiration. 

“On purpose?” Clarke asked, not sure if she was hearing what this guy had just told her. 

“I asked him to. He wasn’t trying to hurt me.” 

“Why?” Ontari handed more gauze to Clarke, who carefully wrapped the man’s arm, stopping the bleeding for the moment. 

“I like the scars.”

Clarke and Ontari shared a look with one another before focusing back on the man right in front of them. 

Never a dull moment at Seattle Grace, Clarke thought. Never a dull moment. 

 

——

 

“And you didn’t notice her foot twitching?” 

Murphy examined the tiny leg of his and Lexa’s newest patient, as it twitched in his hand. He could feel the nervousness in the air as two worried parents stood to the side of him, watching and hovering over their daughter like concerned parents usually did. 

“Three months ago, we took her to the county hospital, got a CT. Doc said it was a brain abnormality.” The father responded as he rubbed the back of his neck. 

Murphy nodded, gently letting go of the toddler’s leg and forcing himself to smile at her, remembering Lexa’s talk about bedside mannerisms. 

“The twitching has gotten worse. They don’t have the proper equipment back home. We heard Seattle Grace is the best so, we brought her here.” The mother added, clutching the necklace around her neck, nervously. 

“Right call coming all this way. Sit tight, and I’m going to get Dr. Woods to see you.” Murphy wrote some notes down on to the little girl’s chart, trying to avoid the helpless look on the parents’s faces. 

“Is she the good?” The father asked, picking up his daughter as she held her arms out to him. 

“The best.” Murphy tries to assure the two parents before quickly walking out of the room. 

Worried parents and sick kids always irked him out. 

 

—

 

“Dr. Woods…” 

Lexa rolls her neck around and rubs her eyes, wondering if the dark circles underneath them are becoming more noticeable. She turns to see Murphy handing her a chart, usual scowl planted on his face. 

“I need coffee. Mixed with an energy drink. With some caffeine powder. And a syringe so I can shoot it up.” Lexa mumbles opening the chart and briefing herself on their new patient. 

“It was a joke Murphy. Laugh. You group of interns are so uptight.” Lexa adds, having expecting the broody intern to at least chuckle. 

However, Murphy doesn’t laugh. For a moment, Lexa thinks she almost sees movement in his lip and wonders if he was about to smile. He was much like her when she first started out as an intern. Cold and closed off. But, if he was going to be her prodigy, she was at least going to teach him how to have a sense of humor. That and how to save lives. 

“Before we got here, they say you were uptight yourself. They called you the Commander. Now they call you McDreamy.” Murphy finally jokes with a smirk, and Lexa feels a twinge of pride. 

“This hospital and nicknames. Brief me on our new patient.”

“We have a little girl with a brain abnormality.”

“How’s she presenting?”

“Continuous seizure activity in her left foot. Balance is off.”

“Do the work up. Fresh CT scans, blood work, etc. Paige neuro as well.”

Lexa hands the chart back to Murphy and grabs her cell from her pocket to check the time. She has forty five minutes before she needs to begin prep for her next surgery and decides to make her way to a call room where she can power nap. 

“I’m leaving this one in your hands for the next couple of hours. There’s a bed with my name on it and I don’t want to be bothered unless the grim reaper himself is attempting to take our patient. Got it?” Lexa yawns, putting her phone back into her lab coat jacket. 

“Got it.” Lexa hears Murphy say as she zombie walks away. 

She wonders if Clarke is feeling as exhausted as she is from the night before and laughs to herself as she finally lets her head hit a lumpy pillow. No matter how tired she was, she’d go nights without sleep if it meant she’d get to spend them the way she’d been spending the last several ones with Clarke. 

 

———

 

“Oh I know this guy.” Lincoln laughs, looking at scans of a bullet wounded arm. 

“Yeah?” Dr. Snow asks as they walk down the hall to the man’s room.

“Dr. Lee check this out. Remember this guy?” Lincoln stops the resident who was passing them by. 

Indra grabs the scan Lincoln shoved in front of her face enthusiastically and Clarke swears she see a bit of Lexa in how his eyes light up with the excitement a challenging patient brings. 

“The tattooed lunatic?” Indra hands Lincoln back the scan. 

“Had himself shot again.” Clarke sighs, thinking about the insane things some people do. 

“Glad to see he’s still stupid.” Indra walks away leaving the three doctors outside the man’s room. 

Lincoln enters first, Clarke and Ontari following behind. 

“Dr. Woods, nice to see you again.” The patient greets Lincoln, way too happy for a man who’s been shot. 

“I wish we’d stop meeting like this.”

“How’s construction on your sister’s house coming?”

Lincoln takes a seat on the man’s bed and tucks his chart underneath his arm. 

“Very safe. Can’t say the same for your hobby.” Lincoln jokes, earning him a boisterous laugh. 

“She still trying to build it in the middle of the forest?”

“I told her to join a bookclub like you suggested. Doesn’t listen.”

“Well, a broken heart tends to make people hard to work with.” The patient says, catching Clarke’s attention. 

Lincoln attempts to clear his throat and shifts uncomfortably on the bed for a moment. Clarke wonders how much or if Lexa’s told him anything about them. 

“So, I hear. Anyways, the impact of the bullet on your chest fractured a rib and caused a hemopneumothorax.” Lincoln smoothly changes the subject, leaving no time for the ‘broken heart’ comment to be elaborated, much to Clarke’s disappointment.

She thinks about asking Lincoln about it later, but given that Lincoln hardly ever mentions Lexa, Clarke knows she might as well go straight to the other attending and makes a mental note to think of ways to bring it up casually the next time they’re alone together. 

“And that means…?”

“Means you’re going to here for a while.”

The patient nods calmly, but Clarke knows she saw a brief look of fear run over his face. 

“Dr. Griffin and Dr. Snow are going to insert a chest tube to drain the blood from your lungs. Get you breathing easy again.” Lincoln says, getting up from the bed and leaving the room.

“This is going to be fun.” Clarke hears Ontari whisper as they both prepare for the minor procedure. 

-

“So, you and Lexa?” Ontari asks, catching Clarke off guard as they wait for the blood to drain out of their sleeping patient’s lungs.

“Excuse me?”

I can play this off, Clarke thinks, pretending to be occupied with their patient. Ontari looks smug and presses on.

“I’ve seen the way she looks at you. And vice versa. How long has it been going?”

I’m not having this conversation with you, Clarke thinks while avoiding eye contact with the other intern.

“Dr. Snow, I have no idea what you’re talking about and if I did, it would be none of your business.” Clarke says more rudely than she had intended, but doesn’t really care because it really wasn’t the other girl’s business. 

“I’m not judging. Lexa’s hot. I tried to go for her, but I guess you got to her first.” Ontari ignores the hostility in Clarke’s voce and continues with the awkward conversation anyways. 

“Are we going to have a problem?” Clarke asks, looking up from adjusting the patient’s tube with a glare. 

“Relax, Griffin. Just trying to have a conversation. Besides, you seem too uptight to go for a fling with an attending anyways.”

Ontari laughs and walks out of the hospital room, leaving Clarke to seethe by herself. 

“I am not uptight..” Clarke mumbles, feeling an immense amount of jealousy and annoyance at Ontari’s words. 

After another three hours, the patient is safe to leave to rest and Clarke wanders off to the cafeteria and buys herself another coffee before going home. The amount of caffeine she’s consumed during her last shift has to be borderline unhealthy, but there was no way she could have survived without it. She feels a buzz in her scrub pocket and pulls her cell out of her pocket to see a text from her favorite attending. 

‘Ready to ditch this place?’ The text reads, and Clarke smiles because she’s so ready to go home, mess around a bit with the brunette, and then fall asleep into a deep oblivion. 

 

——

“Monty and Miller know about us.”

Clarke says as her and Lexa stand on opposite sides of her bed, both extremely exhausted. 

“Good. Now I don’t have to jump out through your window anymore.” Lexa yawns, looking as if she were to collapse at any moment. 

“People know about us."

“I’m going to take a wild guess and assume you’re not too happy about it.”

Clarke throws one of the dozen throw pillows on her bed to the ground with a sigh while Lexa chuckles and removes the rest. 

“They saw you sneaking out this morning.” Clarke tells her slipping under the thick comforter, and several blankets layered underneath. 

She feels Lexa slip in beside her, long arms finding their way around her hips and puling her closer. 

“I tried to leave earlier, but you kept trying to go down on me.” The attending mumbles into her hair, warm breath on the back of her neck. 

“Lexa, I’m being serious here.” Clarke turns around so, she’s facing the other woman, cradling her face in hands. 

“What do you want me to do?”

Lexa kisses her forehead and Clarke blushes, a little embarrassed at what such a simple kiss can do to her. 

“Nothing. I think they’re mad at me. I hate when people are upset with me.”

“They’re your best friends Clarke. They’re probably just upset you didn’t tell them to begin with.”

“What do I do?”

Clarke feels childish asking, but she’s honestly not sure how to go about this. Her, Monty, and Miller have been through it all together. Med school, heartbreaks, financial woes, parent’s divorcing and getting sick. All the toughest times Clarke’s been through the last several years, they’ve been there and she can’t help feel guilty and ashamed for not sharing this new part of her life with Lexa with them. 

“Talk to them. Say sorry you never said anything and how you wanted to keep me all to yourself. I’m sure they’ll understand.” Lexa says sympathetically, seeming to understand what the two other interns mean to her. 

“You’re not worried people will find out about us?” Clarke asks, curiously, realizing she hasn’t once thought about what their relationship could mean for Lexa and her reputation. 

“A lion does not occupy itself with the thoughts of a sheep.” Lexa yawns again, eyes closed. 

Clarke laughs into the attending’s chest and kisses her neck. 

“I’m almost certain that’s not how the quote goes and you are not a lion.”

“Yeah, you’re more the lion. At least you were last night..”

With her eyes still closed, the attending lazily rolls them to where Clarke is on her back, Lexa taking residence on top of her stomach. 

“Like you’re any better. My body is covered in bruises. Are you territorial or something?”

“Gotta make sure no one tries to pick you up at the bars.” Lexa smirks, very proud with herself. 

“I heard something interesting today.”

Clarke pauses, not sure if she should go on. If she should press. 

“Murphy finally spread the rumor that I can do a 1000 push ups in 30 seconds?” Lexa jokes, as if she could sense Clarke’s hesitation. 

“You’re building a house in the middle of the forest?” Clarke asks, watching as Lexa suddenly becomes amused with the hem of her old t-shirt. 

“Who told you?” Lexa finally stops fiddling with the blonde’s shirt and looks up at her. 

Clarke looks into Lexa’s eyes. Searching for any sign that this is an uncomfortable or forbidden topic for them to go into. Their talks usually consist of Lexa asking her all the questions. The intern was quickly realizing she knew almost nothing about Lexa. Well, accept that Lincoln was her brother, but then again the two hardly spoke of each other. Clarke now had so many questions she wanted to ask. So many things she wanted to learn about the attending laying on top of her. For now though, she’d tread carefully with just this one. 

“Patient we had was speaking with Lincoln about it. They were discussing hobbies and there was a mention of a broken heart…” 

Lexa’s face remains as stoic and unreadable as ever. Clarke hates how unreadable the other woman could get. But she was learning some things. Small things. Like the way Lexa’s jaw slightly moves when she’s holding back. The way her lip twitches when she tries to fight a smile. The way her eyes go wide with surprise every time Clarke catches her off guard with something. She was learning these things. Slowly. But she was learning. 

“Is that why you’re building a house? Some one broke your heart?” Clarke goes on, running her hands through Lexa’s thick hair, knowing it calmed and relaxed her. 

“No. Lincoln likes to project his thoughts onto others. I have other reasons for building it.” Lexa rolls her eyes at the mention of her brother, but seeming to be more at ease then she was a thirty seconds ago. 

“Like?”

Lexa goes quiet for a moment, as if she’s concentrating very hard on what she wants to say next, on what she wants to reveal. Clarke thinks she’s never seen anyone put so much thought into words about to be spoken and she feels a warm feeling coarse through her veins and to her heart. 

“When my father passed away he left me and Lincoln different properties. Two here in Seattle and two back in New York. One for each of us. I sold mine in New York when I decided to leave. Thought I’d make good use of the extra money and build a house.” Lexa moves her hands underneath Clarke’s shirt and draws circles with her fingertips onto her stomach. 

Clarke grabs her hands and kisses them. 

“I’m sorry about your father.” 

Lexa shrugs, but doesn't pull her hands away. Instead she lays her face down on Clarke and breathes in deeply. 

“It was a long time ago.”

“Why did you leave New York?” 

“Change of scenery was in order.” 

“I don’t believe you.” 

“Fine. I give up. The cops were after me.”

“Lex..”

Lexa looks up and Clarke can see the turmoil and struggle in her eyes. 

“It’s not easy for me. Talking about it. I’m not good with emotions.” Lexa mumbles sitting up on her elbows and Clarke panics that she pushed too much. 

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.” Clarke pulls the attending back down on top of her before she might leave. 

Lexa doesn't fight her though and instead relaxes in her arms. 

“Maybe another night?”

“Of course.” 

Clarke runs her hands up and down Lexa’s back. 

“Mmmm.”

“On another note, I don’t like how Dr. Snow looks at you..”

Clarke grins as the body in her arms shakes with laughter. 

“I didn’t peg you for the jealous type, Dr. Griffin.”

Clarke grabs Lexa’s chin so that their faces are staring at each other. 

“No, I just don’t like sharing. There’s a difference. She told me she tried to go for you.” Clarke argues, letting a bit of the jealousy she felt from earlier, take partial control. 

“Yeah, I can be irresistible at times. Don’t worry. I fought her off.” Lexa says in her casual, joking manner.

“She came onto you?!?” Clarke nearly pushes Lexa off of her and sits up. 

“She batted her eyelashes at me once. Does that count?”

“What is it with you and interns?” Clarke sighs pulling Lexa on top of her again, while also attempting to take off her shirt. Not feeling so exhausted anymore. 

“You make it sound like I have a brothel of them in my backyard.” Lexa mumbles into her mouth as their lips crash together. 

“Stop talking.” Clarke mumbles back and focuses her attention on what her tongue is about to do next to the attending. 

——— 

 

“So, do you want the short version or the long version?”

Clarke found herself wandering off to the kitchen for a glass of water after her and Lexa’s strenuous session of sexual activity, leaving the other woman in her bed to rest. She wasn’t expecting to see Monty in her kitchen so late, but it wasn’t an uncommon sight. She figured she’d use the moment to talk to him about her and Lexa and explain to him that it wasn’t what it looked like. To explain to him that it was so much more. 

“Neither.” Monty says hunched over a plate of Raven’s famous homemade chocolate cake. 

Clarke cuts herself a piece, cursing Raven silently for ruining the healthy eating streak she had going on, and takes a seat next to her friend. 

“I slept with her before I knew she was my boss.” 

Monty looks up from his plate and shoots Clarke an irritated look. Clarke’s rarely seen her friend give her such a look and she braces herself for whatever words he has to say. 

“What the hell are you doing Clarke? Seriously. Is this your way of getting ahead or something?” The other intern raises his voice, getting up from the table and putting his plate in the sink. 

Clarke gets up as well and walks over to where he’s leaned against the counter. 

“I’m not trying to get ahead. It’s not like that!” Clarke argues back, a little less loud. 

“You’re the chief’s daughter! You went to Stanford! You’re ahead enough as it is.” Monty doesn't back down. 

“I’m not sleeping with her to get ahead.” Clarke shakes her head, trying to make sure her friend understands. 

“Then why? For sex, the thrill of her being our attending?”

Clarke scoffs and throws herself back down on the chair where she was sitting at the table. Running a hand through her hair, frustratingly. 

“Oh, God. You’re falling for her.” Monty finally says, a tone of pity in his voice. 

“Monty..”

“You so are.”

“No. I’m not.”

“Look, at you. Totally head over heals for her.”

“No, I’m not!”  
Clarke has no idea why what Monty is saying is bothering her so much. She should be glad he now seems to understand that it isn't about getting ahead. She knows his words are true. She’s come to terms that her and Lexa are way more than just ‘attending and intern’. She’s come to terms with how she’s ‘falling’. 

“You poor, poor, girl.”

Clarke sighs loudly, grabbing a piece of the chocolate cake she cut for herself and taking a big bite.

“It’s just that she’s just so, ugh..” Clarke mumbles with a full mouth, chocolate crumbs falling down her shirt. 

“She’s just so..” Clarke tries again, but she’s too tired emotionally and physically to form words. 

“Dreamy?”

Clarke nods and Monty takes a seat next to her, cutting himself another piece of the cake and biting into it. 

“And I’m having a hard time resisting..” 

“Gross, you’re all mushy, and warm, and full of feelings.” Monty jokes, earning him a shove to the shoulder. 

“So, how hot is the sex?”

Clarke blushes and tries to hide her face in her hands, but it’s no use. 

“Monty…you have no idea..” Clarke groans loudly. 

“Damn, you’re screwed, Clarke. Super screwed.” Monty laughs and Clarke finds herself smiling, feeling much better that he doesn't seem to be upset with her anymore. 

He’s right though. Clarke thinks. She’s screwed. Super screwed.


	8. I'm A Runner Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, in my mind Lexa jumps from speciality to speciality. Yeah, I know that's not realistic in real life, but if you want an official answer, she's trauma which I originally had her as. However, we can change things. Let me know if you want her to be trauma or neuro. We can do what we want here.

Clarke watches from the foot of the bed as Lexa gets dressed slowly, walking around the room looking for her belt which Clarke sees on top of her dresser. 

This kind of thing had become a routine between the two of them. Lexa would come home with her after a shift, they’d have sex, great sex, and fall asleep together. The morning would come and Clarke would wake up, hearing Lexa sing some cheesy love song from the shower. It had become routine in a matter of weeks and Clarke couldn't remember when it was the last time she slept alone. Not that she wanted to sleep alone, but something felt slightly off. 

“Let’s sleep at your place tonight.” Clarke says while Lexa finds her belt and slips it through the loops of her black pants. 

“What?” Lexa fumbles with the clasp like she always does before finally getting it right. 

“I mean why are we always sleeping at my house? Do you even have one? One that’s built.” Clarke gets up from the bed and finishes getting dressed herself. 

“I have an apartment…” Lexa finally says after a long moment. 

“With your stuff in it? Personal stuff?” Clarke asks wondering how much information she’ll be able to pull out of the attending this morning. 

She tries to stare her down into giving her something, anything remotely personal, but the brunette just grins making Clarke almost forget her mission in learning more about the woman she’s been sharing a bed with for the last month. 

“You’re so gorgeous.” Lexa kisses her quickly before exiting the bedroom and heading downstairs. 

“Lexa..” Clarke sighs, following right behind her and into the kitchen, which is occupied with Miller, Monty, and Raven. 

“Good morning. Interns. And Raven.” Lexa greets them going to the fridge in search of breakfast. 

“Want a cupcake?” Raven asks, sitting on the counter as she meticulously applies butterscotch frosting. 

Lexa gasps, pretending to be appalled. 

“What kind of company are you keeping, Clarke? Offering me cupcakes for breakfast, savages, I swear.” Lexa mumbles while Clarke takes one and bites into it. 

“Hey, I made these. And they’re orgasmic.” Raven shoots back while Lexa prepares some eggs in a pan and pours herself granola in a bowl. 

“Where’s Octavia?” Clarke asks watching Lexa beside her. 

“Spent the night at tall, dark, and handsome’s.” Miller answers as he hands Lexa a plate for her to put him eggs on when they’re done. 

“You know, I like it here. You’re the one who said you like sleeping in your own bed, waking up to these 'cupcakes for breakfast' people.” Lexa says, surprising Clarke with the continuation of their previous conversation.

“You’re a health nut, huh?” Monty gets up from his seat at the table pouring himself another cup of coffee, eyeing Lexa as she mixes her granola with blueberry yogurt and chunks of fruit. 

Lexa gives him a confused, questioning look. 

“You went jogging this morning and now you’re eating yogurt, fruit, and granola.” Monty adds simply. 

“I’m not a health nut. I ate a pound of bacon last night.” Lexa shakes her head like she’s offended from such a statement. 

Clarke watches with amusement and reaches for the spoon out of Lexa’s bowl, taking a bite of the attending’s breakfast. 

“The last ten days. Morning run, morning sex with Clarke, and granola..” Miller mumbles taking bites of cupcake and frosting while he waits for his eggs. 

“Come on, I haven’t been here that long. Have I?” Lexa looks at Clarke for back up, but she just shrugs. 

“See, even they think it’s weird.” Clarke says, taking Lexa’s bowl for herself and sitting down next to Miller. 

“Not weird. We like Lexa.” Raven interjects, still focused on frosting her cupcakes. 

“Thank you Raven.” Lexa says back, sitting next to Clarke and stealing back her yogurt. 

“And she makes us breakfast.” Monty and Miller say at the same time. 

Clarke rolls her eyes and directs her attention back to the attending. 

“One night..at your place.”

“Can we come over?” Raven asks, looking up from her frosting task. 

“Yeah, I want to see Lexa’s lair.” Monty adds excitingly. 

“It’s not a lair. More like a dungeon.” Lexa says, taking a bite of her breakfast before getting back up to check on Miller’s eggs.

“Seriously.” Clarke follows and nudges her shoulder, trying to get Lexa to focus. 

“I don’t know if I can get rid of all the corpses in my closet on such short notice.”

Clarke finally decides to use her glare, a glare she’s reserved specifically for when she wants Lexa to get serious with her. Like all the other times she’s used it, it works and Lexa exhales as if she’s making the biggest sacrifice in the world. 

“Fine. We’ll have a slumber party at my place.” The attending gives in. 

“Yay!” The three other people in the room cheer and Clarke fights herself from laughing a little. 

“You guys aren’t invited.” Clarke adds, wondering how her friends have become so attached to her attending. 

“Who’s going to make us breakfast?”

“And drive us to work?”

Both Miller and Monty ask with real worry in their voice, looking over at Lexa like she’s the laid back parent, more likely to give in. 

“Sorry, kids.” Lexa shrugs, looking back at Clarke.

Clarke kisses her on the cheek, momentarily content with her small victory. 

 

——

“This guy belongs in psych. Why is he here?” Murphy snarks at the other doctor who looks as if he can care less. 

Clarke reads over the patient’s chart while Murphy continues to mean mug the doctor. 

“My gift to you, had a seizure two days ago and another one this morning.” The other doctor answers nonchalantly. 

“Says here he talks to dead people, his family thinks he’s dangerous, and they had him committed. Sounds like he belongs in psych to me.” Murphy leans over, reading some of the patient’s chart, not bothering to hide the irritation in his voice. 

“Murphy. Be nice.” Clarke says, handing the chart to him and going into the room to evaluate their new patient. 

“I can’t take him back till he’s cleared. Have fun. Oh and don’t keep sharp objects near him.” Clarke hears the doctor from psych say before leaving. 

“You’re dumping him on us?” Murphy shouts after the guy, before huffing and puffing into the room. 

“Mr. Duff, we’re going to start our work up.” Clarke removes the stethoscope from around her neck and begins her examine. 

“I’m not crazy. It’s like you white coats have never come across a psychic before.” Mr. Duff breathes in and out, already knowing the drill. 

Clarke listens carefully, hearing no irregularities, and moves on to check his pupils. 

“Murphy, here is a skeptic.” Clarke adds, finishing up her evaluation and writing some notes down on Mr. Duff’s chart. 

“Clarke..” Murphy nudges her.

“What?” Clarke looks up and sees Mr. Duff space out. 

It looks like a minor epileptic episode, but Clarke would have to run more tests to find out. 

“Mr. Duff, are you okay?” She asks, once he’s come back from his previous state. 

“Someone, someone’s about to check out. Someone’s about to kick the bucket.” Mr. Duff says matter of factly. 

“He’s nuts.” Murphy sighs, running his hand through his greasy hair. 

“I’m gifted. Not deaf.”

“Classic basket case.” Murphy goes on and Clarke wonders how he passed bedside etiquette class back in med school. 

“Look, dude, someone on the fourth floor is gonna die.” Mr. Duff raises his voice almost in a panic before calming himself down. 

‘Code blue fourth floor. Code blue fourth floor’ sounds through the hospital intercom.

Murphy and Clarke look at each other with bewilderment and then back at Mr. Duff who has ‘I told you so’ written all over his face. 

——

Clarke throws the rest of her turkey sandwich back on her plate in frustration. 

“It’s just I hardly know anything about you.” Clarke repeats again as Lexa sits across her with amusement. 

“You know I’m from New York. You know I love ferryboats.”

Clarke rubs her hands over her eyes and leans back in her seat. Lexa was being difficult. Lexa was always difficult, but in the fun, cute way you allowed someone you loved be. However, in the current moment, Lexa was being difficult and Clarke wasn’t having it. 

“Enough with the ferryboats. What about your friends? I know Lincoln is your brother, but he never really mentioned or talked about you…”

“I’m a surgeon. I don’t have friends.” Lexa said back, looking around the cafeteria as Clarke raised her voice. 

“Everyone has friends. What about Dr. Brooks, you two talk all the time..”

“Oh yeah, I guess she’s a friend. At least that’s what she calls me. We went to college together.”

“Okay, progress. What do you do on your days off? These are valid, important questions.” Clarke goes on, clearly trying harder than she should. 

This has never been a problem for her. She’s never been with some one so closed off before and it’s driving her up the wall. She especially didn't expect this from Lexa. Lexa who had pursued her and was making her fall for her. She thought the attending would want to tell her everything and get all ‘let’s get to know everything about each other’, but no. Lexa was a closed book and answered all her questions with questions of her own. Or smart ass remarks. 

“Important for who?” Lexa leaned into the table, pushing her salad to the side. 

“We have sex every night. You keep asking me to be your girlfriend. You feed my roommates and friends. I think I deserve details.” Clarke leans in as well, wanting to grab the attending’s hands so close to hers, but well aware of the other doctors and hospital staff around them. 

“You have more details then most.”

Lexa leans back. Clarke can see she doesn’t want to give in. Not so easily. 

At least not yet. 

“See this is weird. Flags are being raised. I want facts and until I get them, no sex.” Clarke finally decides. 

If Lexa wanted to play hard ball. Then they would both play hard ball. 

“Honestly, I don’t think you can hold out that long..” Lexa finally breathes out after a long moment. 

“Lexa. This is me being serious right now.” Clarke exhales, getting up from the table and walking away to throw her trash away. 

Clarke can hear Lexa move behind her. 

“Roll with me. Be flexible. Enjoy me being mysterious.” Lexa says quietly as they walk out of the cafeteria, side by side. 

“I’m not flexible.”

“We both know that’s a lie.”

“I got to go.” Clarke avoids eye contact with the attending and quickens her pace down the hall to check on her patients. 

She hears Lexa sigh behind her, but Clarke doesn’t care. Lexa was the one being difficult. Not her. 

“You’ll find these things out. Slowly. You wanted slow. I’m doing slow.” Lexa catches up to her, gently grabbing her arm. 

“I didn’t think you’d go about it at caterpillar’s pace.” Clarke shakes the brunette’s arm off and gives her a tired look. 

“Let me kiss you. Right here.” Lexa whispers with a slight smirk. 

Clarke shakes her head and tries to remain serious. Tries to hold her ground. But she fails and smirks back a little too.

“No. Unprofessional.” Clarke whispers back before walking off again. 

“Did I tell you how stunning you are?” Lexa calls after her, but Clarke doesn’t turn back this time.

Lexa wants to play hard ball. They were going to play hard ball. And Clarke was going to win.   
——

“You paged 911?” Anya leans against the doorframe of the attending’s lounge. 

Lexa gets up from the couch and pulls her in the room, closing the door for privacy. 

“Took you long enough.” Lexa mumbles, frustrated. 

“What’s the deal? Who’s the patient.” Anya rolls her eyes and grabs a drink from the fridge. 

“Not a patient. Remember bar girl?” Lexa asks nervously. 

Her and Anya hardly spoke of ‘feelings’ stuff, but some times, in dire emergencies, they did. And this was a dire emergency. 

“You mean intern.” Anya smirked. 

“Lincoln told you?” Lexa exasperated, wanting to spartan kick her brother. 

“No, his girlfriend mentioned how her roommate was dating a doctor too. Imagine my surprise when she revealed it was you.” 

“You upset I didn’t tell you?”

“No, truthfully, I didn’t think you had it in you to pick her up at the bar. Much less continue dating her after finding out she’s an intern.”

Lexa scoffs and begins pacing back and forth in the room. 

“She wants to know about me.” Lexa says after a long silent moment. 

Anya nods and sips on her her caffeine infused beverage. 

“A normal thing to expect when dating..” Anya jokes watching Lexa continue her pacing. 

“I’m not good with…”

“Opening up. Being human. Not hiding behind terrible puns and sarcastic remarks?”

Lexa fought the urge to roll her eyes, mostly because she knew Anya was right. It was a defense mechanism of hers, the joking, the sarcasm, and for the life of her she had no idea how to get passed it a lot of the time. 

“How did you do it with you know who?” Anya asks warily, knowing how sensitive of a topic Costia or ‘you know who’, as she became to be known as, was. 

“It was easier. She knew me since I was a kid..” Lexa answers taking a seat next to Anya on the couch. 

“I take it you like this girl..” 

“Clarke, her name’s Clarke. And I’m quite fond of her, yes.” Lexa feels her heart do the fast beating thing it does when she thinks of the intern and she hopes Anya won’t notice and tease her for it. 

“The chief’s daughter. Man, when you pick someone up, you really pick someone up.” Anya chuckles causing Lexa to get off the couch, grabbing her white lab coat.

“Never mind, I’ll go find Lincoln instead..” Lexa prepares to leave the room before Anya stops her and pulls her back to the couch. 

“Lexa, relax. Look, obviously she likes you. She wouldn’t put her career on the line if she didn’t. Just start with the basics. Little things. You don’t have to spill your soul out right away. And if she’s as great as you say she’ll be patient with the bigger stuff.”

Lexa let’s Anya’s words sink in and nods in agreement. Clarke was a phenomenal, caring woman with a big heart. Lexa should have been giving the intern more credit for that. She knows Clarke was in this now. All the blonde wanted was to know and learn about her. Lexa could and should give her that. No matter how hard and scary the idea of opening up to another person was. 

“What if she ends up thinking I’m too weird? God, what if she rejects me and wants to stop seeing me?” Lexa feels the doubt still creeping in. 

“If she truly like you, she won’t reject you. Listen, relationships are about trust and communication. Or so I hear. Just talk to her. Avoid using your shitty puns and just be yourself.” Anya reassures her, patting her shoulder. 

Lexa takes a deep breath and exhales. 

“Okay. I’ll give it a shot.” She lets out after a minute, feeling much more confident than before. 

“I fucking hope so. She’s the chief’s daughter. Abby’s going to find out you know. Eventually. She won’t like you very much after, I suspect.” Anya adds raising her eyebrows at the attending and giving her a look. 

“When the time comes, I’ll talk to Abby. She’ll be civil. It’s Abby.”

“You’re dating her only daughter. Her daughter who is an intern. You are her attending. Her teacher. You really think she’s going to be civil?” Anya laughs knowing Lexa is going to get a wrath like no other once Abby finds out about her and Clarke. 

“Thanks for the pep talk. It was very helpful.” Lexa pushes the thought of Abby tackling her in the OR and stabbing her with a scalpel and gets up from the couch, adjusting her lab coat. 

“Yeah, I’d just hate to see you kamikaze another relationship.”

“I don’t kamikaze relationships.” Lexa defends herself, knowing where Anya is going with her statement. 

“You left your girlfriend of 10 years and moved across the country.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t kamikaze it.”

Anya attempts to stare her down, but it doesn’t work. 

“What really happened with you and Costia?”

“I’m not talking about it.” Lexa says bitterly with a warning glare to the other attending. 

“You’ll have to one day.” Anya says anyways, not caring how uncomfortable Lexa was with their new topic of conversation. 

“Don’t you have work to do?” Lexa asks with a tone of annoyance. 

“You paged me remember?” Anya gets up and throws her empty drink can in the trash.

Lexa nods and mumbles thanks before walking out of the room. She had a pit of incoming patients to deal with, but later she’d speak with Clarke. 

Later she’d answer the intern’s questions. Later she’d open up. 

Right now? 

Right now, well, it was a beautiful day to save lives, and she was going to do just that. 

——

 

“What is your deal?” Lexa turned around to see Clarke staring her down like she was a linebacker ready to sack the quarterback. 

The attending could practically hear the blonde’s thoughts and feel her gaze seep through the pours of her back. She quickly looked around the ICU wondering if it was safe to be alone with the intern right now that she was in a mood. 

“What’s your favorite ice cream flavor, favorite kind of music, why has Lincoln never brought you up?” 

Lexa chuckles while she examines an extremely large surgical cut on her sleeping patient’s abdominal. 

“Meditation would do wonders for you.” Lexa mumbles knowing it would just rile the intern up even more. 

“What are you implying?” Clarke snickers back, getting a lot closer than she usually did in hospital quarters. 

“You’re intense.” Lexa said regretting it immediately as Clarke glared at her.

A loud noise beside them interrupts before Clarke can reprimand her for the comment and Lexa leans over to make sure no one is dying next to them. 

“Who’s that?” Lexa asks, looking at a scruffy looking man who was drugged up on medication. 

“Psych sent him down, he has visions. He just got out of surgery.” Clarke answers, going over to check on him. 

“You think he’ll read my palm..?”

“Lexa.” Clarke shakes her head disapprovingly, but the attending is distracted with the lump she’s found in her patient. 

“Shit, some one page and prep me an OR.” Lexa shouts across to the nurses station, lowering the patient’s bed down and preparing to push him to the OR. 

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asks from besides her ‘psychic’, moving to assist Lexa if she needed to . 

Lexa gestures for her to stay with the psychic and helps two other nurses push her patient towards the OR. 

“He needs surgery. Infection. Can we finish later? Talk later?” Lexa shouts behind her, hoping it will calm and reassure the blonde a little. 

Clarke nods, understandingly.

“Fine, yeah.”

“Also. Toffee flavored ice cream.”

“What?” The blonde looks confused for a moment. 

Lexa smirks as she turns before stepping into the elevator with her patient. 

“My favorite flavored ice cream is Toffee.” Lexa shouts back before the elevator doors close in front of her. 

However, they close right after she sees a big smile form across Clarke’s face.

And God, Lexa swears, she swears, a smile like that can solve world peace. 

———

Lexa taps her fingers on the steering wheel of her jeep nervously. She sees her favorite intern walking across the hospital parking lot with her friends and she hesitates before hopping out and leaning against the front of her car. 

Clarke sees her and says goodbye to Murphy and Miller and walks her way. 

“Ready for our sleepover or are you backing out on me?” Clarke smirks, looking around the parking lot before pulling her in for a short kiss. 

Lexa easily relaxes into it and wants to continue some more, but she has some things to get off her chest first. 

 

“I joke around a lot. With you, Lincoln, Anya, Murphy, a lot of people. I joke around. And I know sometimes it bugs you. Some times a lot. And maybe it’s because you know it’s a defense mechanism. Maybe it’s my way of keeping people from getting too close. My way from running from what’s really going on.” Lexa can tell Clarke wants to interrupt, but she stops her. 

 “There’s a lot I don’t tell you. Some things are too hard for me to talk about and when people want me to open up about these things I run too. I close up and hide behind walls.”

 

“I’m not proud of it, but I’m a runner too. When I get scared or I feel some one is getting too close I run. We’re getting close. You and me. You don’t say it in words, but you look at me and I know you have questions and Clarke, you’re not the only runner here in this relationship. I’m a runner too. You and I are both runners.” Lexa feels like she’s repeating herself and she feels like words are slipping from her, but she takes a deep breath and keeps going, grabbing Clarke’s hand and entertaining their fingers. 

 

The blonde remains silent and gestures for Lexa to continue. 

 

 “And I think for the first time, for the first time maybe I want to stay. I want to open up to you and I’m not exactly sure how, but I know I don’t want to run. I don't want to hide behind the walls. And yeah I’m scared. And I don’t know how to stay. But right now, I'm looking at you and I know I could learn. I could learn how to stay for you and open up. And maybe, just maybe, you want me to. Maybe you’ll be patient with me. Maybe you’ll see I’m worth it. I can show you I’m worth it. I’ll stop hiding. I’ll let you know who I am.” Lexa feels herself ramble on and she avoids looking at Clarke, instead focusing on their entertained hands. 

“Hey look at me..” Clarke pulls her from thoughts of self doubt and humiliation. 

Lexa looks up reluctantly, not used to the feeling of being so vulnerable with someone again. 

“I may not exercise as much as you, but I’m still pretty fast. I’ll run after you. I’ll run after you too.” Clarke repeats her words from a couple weeks ago and Lexa immediately feels all the doubt and fear disappear from her body. 

She doesn’t care that they’re in the hospital parking lot and that any doctor or nurse could see them. She doesn’t care and pulls Clarke into the most intense kiss they’ve ever shared and Clarke reciprocates with such vigor they don’t stop until they’ve both broken apart, gasping for air. 

“Come on. I want to show you something.” Lexa let’s go of Clarke and moves to the other side of the jeep, opening the passenger door for Clarke to get in. 

Clarke smiles and nods, before sneaking another kiss, and hopping into the jeep. 

——

“Where are we going?” Clarke asks after a fifteen minute drive from the hospital and into a forest area she never knew was in her city. 

“Patience.”

“Its that a trailer?”

“Yes, I live in it.”

“I thought you lived in an apartment.”

Lexa parks on a dirt paved road and turns off the car. Clarke looks at the attending waiting for her to elaborate, but Lexa opens the door and gets out. Clarke follows suit and Lexa meets her on the other side of the vehicle. 

"I have an apartment. But I don’t live in it. Not as of two weeks ago. See, this property?” Lexa gestures to the vast emptiness of open grassland and trees around them. 

Clarke nods and grabs onto Lexa’s arm as they walk closer to the large silver trailer. 

“It’s all mine, and right behind those trees, I’m building a house. I got the trailer so I can be closer to it when I wake up on my days off. Something about starting the day off with a hammer, I enjoy it.” Lexa grins before letting go of Clarke’s arm and pointing behind the trailer, off to the side. 

“The house..” Clarke can see the foundation has been laid down and the basic structure set up. 

She’s amazed and impressed that Lexa’s done it all by herself. 

“I have two brothers. Lincoln and Aden. My mother’s maiden name is Abner, my dad passed away when I was eighteen. Armed robbery went bad.” Lexa continues talking

“I’ve always hated beer, but not so much anymore. I like music that makes me cry, and I spend way too much money on expensive scented candles. I used to want to be a pilot and also I hate crossword puzzles with a passion.”

“And I never dance in public. Favorite color is green, like the color of those trees however, now I think it’s blue. The scars on my back, well they're the reason I avoid motorcycles now. So, that’s it. For now at least. Right now, I intend on carrying you into the trailer and having my way with you. The rest? You’re just going to have to take on faith or ask me later.”

Clarke smiles at the attending as she reaches her hand out to guide her to the trailer. 

Without a question, she takes it. 

They may both be runners and they may spend time chasing after one another, but Clarke can’t imagine anyone else she’d rather chase after. And for some reason. She knows Lexa feels the same way.   
 


	9. Syphilis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every one stay calm with this. 
> 
> Also, check out my other story on here 'Not Today' and tell me what you think.

Clarke hears her cell phone vibrate on her bed stand. She thought she could ignore or sleep through it, but apparently not. Plus she doesn’t have it in her to let it ring. It could be the hospital. 

Clarke grabs the phone and answers it, careful not to wake up the attending next to her. 

“Dr. Griffin?” 

“Yes.” Clarke whispers.

“This is Ms. Henry from the nursing home..”

“Can I call you later?”

Clarke can feel Lexa stir beside her. Also, this isn’t a conversation she’s ready for Lexa to hear. 

“Actually, it’s very imp-“

“I have to go.”

Clarke hangs up as Lexa moves the covers from over her face. Her eyes still groggy, brown wavy hair a mess, but beautiful nevertheless. 

“God, who is calling you at this hour.” Lexa yawns, attempting to sit up, but Clarke gently pushes her down and covers them back with blankets

“Wrong number. Go back to sleep.” Clarke whispers into the attending’s ear, big spooning her. 

“It turns me on when you boss me around.” Lexa mumbles, still not fully awake. 

Clarke grins and is about to let her hands wander when the bedroom door swings opens, filling the room up with hallway light. 

“Clarke, it’s your turn to grocery shop.” Raven stands in the doorway, not caring she’s interrupting the two doctors’s sleep session. 

“Yeah, okay, get out.” 

“Lexa, Lincoln wants you to call him.” Octavia pokes her head in quickly before disappearing while Raven jumps on to the bed, snuggling herself in between the doctors. 

“Do you remember any of our talks about boundaries?” Clarke groans, upset she wasn’t going to be able to get her morning quickie. 

“Are they as boring as your ones on professionalism?” Lexa mumbles while Raven cuddles into her side. 

Clarke hears a phone vibrate again, this time it’s Lexa’s, but the attending ignores it after briefly looking at it. 

“Aren’t you going to get that, it could be the hospital.” Clarke asks getting out of bed, knowing she might as well begin the day. 

“It’s not. Breakfast?”

“Waffles. I want waffles.” 

“Clarke, why aren’t you as cuddly as Lexa?” Raven asks, fully content and comfortable as she makes Lexa spoon her. 

Clarke grabs a pillow from the bed and hits her roommate with it. 

“Raven get off of my girlfriend. Lexa stop encouraging her.” Clarke huffs as she walks off to take a shower. 

——

“Murphy, I know I’m pretty to look at and all, but the staring is freaking me out a bit.” 

Lexa looked up from patient scans feeling Murphy stare at her uncomfortably.

“I need to ask you something.” The normally, calm intern stuttered leaning closer. 

“You’re not in love with me are you? The last thing I need is another intern..” Lexa shook her head, looking back down at the scans. 

“I seem to be having this skin..thing going on, like a rash really..”

Lexa looks up once more, getting where Murphy is going with this. 

“I think I know what it is, but I can’t get close enough to tell for sure.” Murphy rambles on.

“I’m not checking your junk, Murphy. And Clarke is obsessed with me. She found out I saw your, you know, even for medical reasons, she’d castrate you. Go ask one of your friends over there.”

Lexa gestures to where Miller and Monty are fighting over a patient. 

“No, they’d never let me forget it. Plus you owe me. I’ve convinced Clarke a dozen times not to break up with you. ” Murphy deadpans the attending.

Lexa sighs loudly, throwing her head back. 

“Fine. But I’m not giving you an examine. Follow me.”  
—

“You got syphilis.” Lincoln declares while Murphy quickly pulls his scrub pants back up. 

Lexa looks up from her phone and looks at her intern, sympathetically. She’d never had syphilis or any STD before in her life, but she knew it couldn’t be fun.

“Yikes.” Lexa mumbles. 

“Sorry, Murphy. Don’t worry. We’ll get you started on penicillin and it should clear up soon.” Lincoln adds trying to comfort the young doctor. 

It doesn’t really work and Lexa can tell the boy wants to punch something as he paces back and forth in the tiny exam room. 

“Murphy, calm down. It’s not the end of the world. So, you’ve been sleeping around.”

“I haven’t. Just once. One girl. A nurse.”

“Nurse?”

“Which one?”

“Um, short, red hair,”

“Olivia? You need to tell her.” Lexa guesses, not even sure. 

“Gotta say, Murphy. Didn’t think you have it in you.” Lincoln jokes. 

Lexa shoots her brother a look. 

“Don’t listen to him John, he said the same thing about me and Clarke. Look at us. Power couple of Seattle Grace..” 

Lexa puts her hands on John’s shoulders and he seems to relax a bit, but only for a moment. 

“Power couple, bullshit. You two are still sneaking around like school girls in a catholic private school.” Lincoln laughs before he leaves the room to retrieve penicillin for the intern’s syphilis. 

——

“Mom, they called again.” 

Clarke fidgets in her chair while her mom types away on her computer. 

She’d only been in her mother’s office several times and each time felt foreign to her. The walls were bare of any accomplishments or awards the Chief of Surgery had gathered over the years and no personal pictures of family outings stood proudly on the older woman’s desk. Clarke began to wonder if her mother was still getting used to the office or if the reminders of how their life used to be were too painful. 

“I’m well aware.” Her mother finally stopped typing and removed her glasses. 

“Well, are you going to go? He asks for you. Some times. He asks. When he-” Clarke asked trying not to get frustrated. 

“How are things here with you, Clarke? Being an intern is stressful and you need to be focus-”

“I’m fine. Stop changing the subject.”

“I’ll see him soon. I promise.” Abby quietly said even though Clarke knew she probably wouldn’t.

“Good. What are those?”

Clarke gestures to the small stack of papers in her mother was now focusing her attention on. 

“Documents and paper work for a new attending..”

“Is someone leaving?” Clarke slightly panicked, but shook it off immediately.

Lexa wasn’t leaving Seattle Grace. She just got here. Plus she’d tell Clarke. They were at that point in their relationship. They told each other things now. 

“No, nothing like that. The board managed to snag one of the best neonatal surgeons from the east coast before appointing me, Chief. Dr. Easton. She’s going to be terrific for the hospital. ” Her mother smiled nervously as if she was trying to convince herself of what she was saying.

“Sounds great, Mom. Congrats.” 

“I’m having her over for dinner as soon as she gets settled in. You should join us. Lincoln will be there with his girlfriend. Some other doctors as well. It’d be good to show your face.”

“I’ll check my schedule.” Clarke gets up from her seat, knowing exactly where the conversation was heading. 

“Maybe bring a date or I could set you up with some-” Abby tries with Clarke halfway out her office door.

“Not necessary.” Clarke replies like she always does. 

This time, mostly because she’s certain the person she’d like to bring wouldn’t be of her mother’s approval.

“I’d like grandkids some day Clarke.” Her mother shouts after her as the intern leaves the office.

Clarke silently laughs to herself. 

If her mother only knew. 

——

“Now, it’s not going to hurt. Well, I don’t think it will.” Lincoln chuckled checking the needle in his hand, making sure he grabbed the right one.

“I cannot believe this.” Murphy sneered, bent over an examine table while Lexa flipped through a Home and Gardens magazine, left behind by another patient. 

For a moment, the hospital room the three doctors occupied was silent as Lincoln prepared to prick Murphy’s left butt cheek with the first dose of penicillin. Lexa looked up from her magazine and chuckled as Murphy death glared at a random spot on the wall in front of him. However, the intern’s glare changed to one of pure embarrassment and horror as the door to the room was swung open by Dr. Brooks.

“Dr. Murphy.” Anya greeted the intern before throwing a bag of pretzels to Lexa. 

“What is she doing here?” Murphy groaned, covering his face with his hands. 

“I invited her. For moral support.” Lexa mumbles, eagerly opening the bag. 

“No offense, Dr. Brooks, but I hardly know you. And I’m bent over a table right now.”

“Murphy, it’s not a big deal.” Lincoln attempts to assure the intern, still not sure if he got the right dose. 

“Are you filming this, and why are you here?!?” 

Lexa snaps a couple of pics before putting her phone back in her pocket. She might want to show Clarke later so they could both have a good laugh. 

“I like to spend time with these losers on my lunch break.” Anya replies, watching Lincoln’s hesitation with the needles in his hands. 

“Lincoln, you’re doing it wrong.” Anya sighs, taking over and pushing the other Woods aside. 

“What..” Murphy looks over his shoulder terrified. 

“You do it then.”

Before the intern could protest for a little more time to prep himself, Anya shoves one of the needles into Murphy’s left butt cheek and then another into the right. 

“Owwwww.” Murphy groans laying his face on the exam table. 

“Cute butt.” Lincoln says while Anya shakes her head in agreement. 

Lexa gets up from her chair to get a look as well, but Murphy shoots up from the table and pulls his pants up, storming out of the room. 

Yeah, Lexa was definitely going to show pics to Clarke later. 

—

“Hi, it’s Ms. Henry again, is this a better time?”

Clarke fumbles with the charts in her hand as she adjusts the phone against her eye. 

“Sorry about this morning. I wasn’t alone.” Clarke mumbles as she walks down the ICU wing. 

“I just wanted to remind you tonight is family night, you and your mother haven’t been to one in a while..” Ms. Henry says on the other line. 

“I’m a surgical intern. My mom’s chief of surgery. Time isn’t our own.” Clarke adds knowing it how it sounded, but she was right. 

Between juggling her exhausting internship, studying for upcoming medical exams, and an insatiable girlfriend, Clarke was struggling with finding free time. But he was her father after all. She loved him. Even if most of the time he had no idea who she was. She loved him. And she’d find the time to see him. Even if there was none. 

“Miss. Griffin, I think it’s important you attend. The residents really enjoy themselves.”

“I’ll be there. As for my mother, I’m not sure.” Clarke finally says into the phone after a brief moment of silence and then hanging up. 

She shoves her phone into her lab coat pocket and sets the charts down on a nearby nurse station. Just as she’s about to sit down and get to work, she feels a nudge and looks up to see Miller biting into an apple. The boy was always eating something. 

“Hey, meeting in the board room.” Miller says with a full mouth. 

“What? Why?” Clarke asks looking at the pile of charts she was supposed to be finishing. 

“No idea. Chief called it.” Miller answers, finishing his apple and throwing the core into a trash can behind Clarke. 

The blonde sighs before getting up and following her fellow intern to the conference room. 

Never before had she wished more for a special watch that could stop time. 

——

The meeting her mother had called would have been hilarious and more enjoyable if it hadn’t eaten up thirty minutes of her time. With an apparent Syphilis outbreak in the hospital, Clarke and her fellow doctors had been forced to a more than necessary, graphic, safe-sex demonstration. 

Now, the intern was back at a nurse station, hunched over patient charts she was struggling to get finished. 

“Dr. Griffin.” Clarke looked up to see Lexa, hair pulled back stuffed into a ferry boat scrub cap looking as gorgeous as ever, and two cups of coffee in her hands. 

“Dr. Woods.” Clarke grinned taking one of the coffee’s from the attending’s hands. 

Lexa leaned against the counter smug smile on her face, about to head into surgery. 

“How’s your day? Did you enjoy the sex ed talk? I found it informative. As a lesbian, I wasn’t sure how one would apply a condom to a banana..”

“My mom is having a dinner thing soon. How would you like to give her a heart attack and come with me?” Clarke proposed, watching Lexa’s smile grow a tiny millimeter. 

“I’ll have you know Abigail Griffin is a dear friend and mentor of mine. I’d be quite sad if we gave her a heart attack.” Lexa replied, sipping her coffee. 

“You and my mom are friends?” Clarke asked surprised. 

“Yep. She was my attending back when I was intern.”

“And you failed to mention this because?”

“Well, I was going to..”

“I cannot believe this. She’s going to kill you. Seriously. I thought you were going to be done for before, but now I know for sure.” Clarke laughed, ignoring the looks from other doctors and nurses around them. 

“Like you’re completely innocent in all this. You’re the one who seduced me.” Lexa tried to defend herself. 

“Just to think I was really starting to like you..” Clarke wiped the tears from her eyes as she got her laughter under control.

“She won’t be that upset.” Lexa said, not sounding as confident as she usually was. 

“What do you want on your tombstone?”

“Abby likes me.”

“You’re dating her intern daughter. We’re having sex and breaking so many rules.”

“Little rebellion never hurt anyone.” Lexa smirks. 

“Uh huh, well if I just show up with you at dinner, she’ll be less likely to kill you. Too many witnesses.” Clarke says, thinking of how the future dinner will play out.

Lexa’s about to add something more before a commotion nearby interrupts. Clarke notices two familiar bodies shoving one another and gets up from her chair ready to intervene, but Lexa gestures her to stay where she’s at. 

“Shit.” Clarke mumbles, as the shoving between Bellamy and Murphy gets more intense. 

“Hey break it up you two.” Lexa tries, but it has no effect.

“You gave me syphilis!?!?!” An angry, Murphy, yells at Bellamy who is clearly ready for a fight. 

Lexa sighs and begins to attempt to walk over and break up the fight that’s about to happen.

“No, you’ll just get beat up again.” Clarke comes around the counter and grabs the attending’s scrub top. 

Lexa ignores her and continues to walk over, getting in between the two, trying to pull Murphy away. 

“I’ll be fine. Hey, I said settle down. Both of you st—” 

Just as Clarke predicted, Bellamy throws a fierce punch towards Murphy, who quickly ducked, causing Bellamy’s fist to land on Lexa instead, knocking her to the ground. 

“Jesus, Bellamy! What’s the matter with you?!?” Clarke shouts, rushing to the attending’s side. 

“Dr. Woods, are you okay?” Bellamy kneels down, only to be shoved away by Clarke. 

“Does she look okay? You busted her lip.” Murphy mumbles, helping the blonde get Lexa up on her feet. 

The attending groaned, touching her busted lip, covering her hand with blood. 

“See, I told you you’d get beat up.” Clarke murmured as her and Murphy helped Lexa to a nearby bed to patch her up. 

“Cheap shot.” Lexa mumbled, while blood dripped onto to her top. 

Clarke shook her head, making a note to give Bellamy a busted lip later, herself. 

“Sure, Rocky. Now hush, and let me examine your lip.” 

—

After patching Lexa up and deeming her fit to go to her surgery, Clarke had spent the last eight hours finishing up her charts and checking in on a couple of her patients. Now, she sat in the waiting area in the front of the hospital waiting for Lexa to get off, staring at her phone. She had two missed calls from the nursing home, with voicemails asking if her and her mother were still attending, the already missed family night. 

“You okay? You’re looking at your phone like it’s going to attack you.” The attending appeared and took a seat beside her.

“Yeah, it’s um, it’s my dad.” Clarke admits, easier than she thought she would. 

“Jake? Is her alright? I haven’t seen him around-” Lexa grabs her hand and squeezes it comfortably. 

Clarke avoids her eyes and stares off in front of them at the people entering and leaving the hospital’s front doors. 

“He has alzheimer’s.” Clarke says quietly, looking over at Lexa, who’s face is filled with nothing but affection and support. 

“How advanced?” 

“Very. My mom and I have him in a home. They keep calling asking to visit and I go, but Mom, he doesn’t remember most of the time. It’s hard on her. Seeing the person she loves not know who she is.”

Clarke’s surprised she managed to speak the truth about her father without once letting her voice crack. It was a difficult topic for her, one she hardly spoke of and never enjoyed. However, the way Lexa sat beside her and looked at her, truly wanting to hear every word made her feel something inside. Made her feel safe. Made her feel comfortable. Made her feel like she was home. 

“Let’s get out of here. There’s a gourmet meal ready to be prepared with your name on it at my place. Followed by some romancing on my part. There’s also something I’d like to tell you.” Lexa finally says after the two sat in silence. 

Clarke’s lips form into a small smile and she takes Lexa’s outreached hand and gets up from her seat. 

“As long as there’s wine…”

Lexa laughs loudly, throwing her head back before helping Clarke into her coat. 

“So, you can get me drunk and take advantage again? Old habits die hard, huh.” Lexa jokes. 

Clarke scowls and is about to argue the accusation before she watches a complete transformation form across the attending’s face. It’s a look Clarke’s never seen before. 

Lexa’s eyes darken in a somber yet angry way. Her jaw clenches and her body goes rigid and tense. 

She’s staring at something, someone behind the intern.  
Staring is an understatement.  
She’s throwing bullets and bombs with her eyes. 

For some reason, Clarke feels protective, almost defensive as she grabs Lexa’s arm before turning around to see the source that’s made her attending unrecognizable, maybe scared, but definitely infuriated. 

“Clarke, I’m so sorry.” Lexa croaks out as Clarke’s eyes wander around them. 

They stop on a gorgeous, definitely too graceful and elegant for the hospital, woman walking towards them confidently. Clarke immediately notices her clothes and thinks her silk, cream colored blouse must cost more than her car and the way her pencil skirt moves with her legs is dead-right sinful. The woman’s heels clack on the white floor before they meet carpet waiting area. She’s gazing right at them as if they were waiting for her and she had finally arrived. 

Clarke finally registers Lexa’s words and although they make no sense and are confusing, she had a gut wrenching feeling forming in the pit of her stomach. 

“Costia.” Lexa hisses out as if the name was poisoning her tongue. 

The woman, the woman who is apparently named Costia, is unaffected by Lexa’s hostility. Instead, she smiles, almost in a conceited way, and it unnerves Clarke who’s hand is still grasping tightly to Lexa’s. 

“Lexa.” Costia answers back, her tone too cheerful for the atmosphere around them. 

“Why are you here?” Lexa quickly snarls out, moving closer to Clarke’s side. 

“I’ve been calling you for days. Hi, I’m Costia Easton.”

Clarke is speechless for a moment. For some reason, she hadn't expected to be acknowledged and yet the woman was holding her hand out for her to shake. Clarke takes it with her free hand, reluctantly, and shakes before letting go. 

Easton? She heard that name before. Earlier that day. In her mother’s office. 

“Easton? The new neonatal surgeon?” Clarke realizes and the new surgeon almost beams while she turns to see Lexa’s expression of horror. 

“New?” Lexa turns to Clarke for an explanation, ignoring the other woman. 

“My mom and the board just hired her.”

“Oh, you’re Abby’s daughter? I’ve heard so much about you. You’re mother used to brag about you all the time to Lex and I.” Costia laughs and if Clarke wasn’t so confused and uncomfortable and in love with another woman, she might have been charmed by it. 

“She was Lexa and I’s attending back in the day. She also helped Lexa propose. Very cute and—” The new surgeon goes on before Clarke interrupts. 

“Propose?”

Costia smiles even more and looks at Lexa as if she sent her a telepathic message, something probably along the lines of ‘oh this is going to be good.’. 

Clarke pieces it together. 

The heartbreak Lincoln and the bullet scar patient were discussing. 

Lexa’s hesitation and uneasiness when she asked her about it. 

The reluctance in letting Clarke get to know her. 

The phone calls and text messages ignored. 

The look on the attending’s face. 

Clarke pieces it together. 

She drops Lexa’s hand and takes a step away, ignoring Lexa reaching back for her. 

She feels dirty. She feels like she’s the other woman. Is she the other woman? Clarke wonders, still not sure. Still dazed and bewildered by the entire situation. 

“Lexa didn’t tell you? We’re engaged.” 

That’s all she needs to hear before grabbing her bag and walking away, not caring or listening to Lexa asking her to wait, to stop, to hear her out. 

————

“Great. See what you did? You had no reason to do that, Costia.” Lexa snarls shaking off her ex-fiance’s hand from her arm as she tried to stop her from following Clarke. 

Lexa couldn’t believe what was happening. She was livid and upset and sorry and she wanted to go after Clarke to explain, but the intern was surprisingly fast and was probably already in her car, driving away.  
The attending pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed the blonde’s number, but after one ring was sent to voicemail. So, she did the next best thing and began typing out text messages, sending them one after another. 

“What? You expect me to lie to the girl. The ring’s right here on my finger.” Costia held up her left hand and thumbed the 2.7 carat cushion-cut diamond ring, light bouncing off it as if it was trying to blind Lexa on purpose. 

“I never, in all the years I’ve known you, thought it was possible to dislike you as much as I do right now. And take it off. Sell it, pawn it, like a normal ex-fiance would do.” Lexa begins to storm off and out the hospital front doors, hearing Costa’s heels click-clack behind her. 

“Enough with the dramatics, Lexa. Besides, I did you a favor. The chief’s daughter? Abby’s daughter? More trouble than good.”

“You don’t get to come here and do this. This isn’t your home. I’m not your fiancé. You and I are nothing to each other.” Lexa digs through her coat pocket for her keys as she gets to her Jeep. She finds them and they drop to the ground as she pulls them out. 

Costia bends over to pick them off the ground and hands them to the brunette. 

“Ten years Lexa. And what? You just run away like you always do except this time I’ve chased after you and now you’re upset because I caught you with the last person you should be having an affair with..” 

Lexa takes the keys from her ex-fiance and opens the door, while also checking her cell to see if Clarke will text her back yet. 

“First of all, you cheated on me. With my best friend. Second, I’m not yours to chase after anymore. Third, what’s going on between me and Clarke is none of your business.” 

Costia doesn’t let up or leave or disappear into a deep dark oblivion like Lexa’s praying for and as Lexa attempts to get in her jeep, the other surgeon stops her, ignoring the looks they’re getting from others in the parking lot. 

“It is my business when you walk away from an entire life we built together. You walked away from our friends, our family, our practice, an entire life. For what? Because our relationship got too hard for you.” Costia continues on much to Lexa’s dismay. 

Lexa sighs and sticks her keys in the ignition, starting the vehicle. She’s furious, fuming with bitterness and rage at the other woman’s words, at the unnecessary drama she’s created in the last ten minutes. 

“Are you hearing the words coming out of your mouth right now? You cheated on me. You destroyed the life we built, not me.” 

“Lexa, where are you even going?”

“To go talk to my girlfriend, who you purposely lied to about us being engaged.”

“Lex-“

“No. You don’t get to do this. Not now. Not anymore. Not ever.”

Lexa pulls the door to her jeep shut and backs out of the parking space leaving Costia behind in her rearview mirror.

She debates going straight to Clarke’s house or waiting for her to maybe call or text back, but it doesn’t seem likely the intern will. 

The attending finally lets some of the anger brewing inside of her out and punches her stirring wheel causing the vehicle’s horn to honk repeatedly. 

She had planned to talk with Clarke that night. She had planned to get more open and reveal why she’d really come to Seattle. Especially, with what Clarke had told her about Jake, which Lexa knew must have been a big deal for the other doctor. However, it was too late and now the intern was probably off somewhere cursing Lexa’s existence all because Costia, her ex-fiancé couldn’t help, but sweep in on her broom stick and create a mess she had no intention of cleaning.


	10. Choose Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you guys think.
> 
> Happy Reading.

“Maybe you should take an easy.”

Murphy belched setting down his empty glass and watching Clarke throw back shots of an alcohol the bartender may or may have not called ‘rattlesnake poison’. 

“She has a fiancé, Murphy.” Clarke wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, signaling the bartender to send over a pitcher of beer. 

“HAD. Had a fiancé.” Murphy corrects her again for the 9th time that night. 

Clarke had long ago stopped listening to the other intern, mostly because he was right and she didn't need him to be right at the moment. She needed him to get drunk with her. She needed him to distract her from the fact that her girlfriend had one of the most beautiful ex-fiance’s or current fiancé, well the doctor wasn’t sure, in the history of all the women that ever existed. And her girlfriend had apparently been with this fine human specimen for a decade. 

‘How does one even walk away from someone like that?’ Clarke thought as she grabbed a handful of pretzels from a bowl and shoved them into her mouth. 

“And she’s gorgeous. Like drop dead, belongs on the front of a magazine, gorgeous.” Clarke went on frustrated belong belief. 

“You should talk to her. Not drown yourself in ‘rattlesnake poison’.” Murphy tried again. 

“The woman broke her heart. Lexa left New York because the woman, her fiancé broke her heart.”

“Ex-fiance. And how do you know that.”

“I had suspicions.”

“You should talk to her. She’s called you like a hundred times.”

“I can’t talk to her. I’m mad.”

“Mad she has a past?”

“No, she didn't tell me.”

It wasn’t a good enough excuse. Clarke knew it. Lexa had tried to stop her from leaving ‘to explain’. But Clarke, being Clarke, being a runner, couldn't stay. Her body went into fight or flight mode the moment she heard the word ‘propose’ come out of Costia’s mouth. The intern decided on ‘flight’ and now she was here at a bar getting drunk with Murphy because she was too stubborn and annoyed and upset her girlfriend had an ex-fiance she had no idea about and who was about to begin working at their hospital. 

“Maybe she was going to. You said you guys were taking it slow. Maybe she wasn’t ready yet.”

“God, Murphy. You should have seen the look on her face. I can’t compete.” Clarke groaned replaying the way Lexa’s eyes filled with devastation and her face hardened at the sight of her ex. 

“Apparently, you haven't seen the way Lexa looks at you. It’s gross. Plus, you’re not so bad on the eyes either.”

“You’re gross.” Clarke scowled while Murphy stopped her from pouring herself a glass of beer from a pitcher the bartender set in front of them. 

“You’re drunk.”

“Yeah.” 

Clarke was drunk, and she hoped to get even more drunk as the night progressed. 

Anything to forget the way Lexa looked at her ex-fiance. 

Anything to forget that she might be the other woman. 

Anything to forget her girlfriend, may not be her girlfriend for much longer.

 

———

Lexa stood nervously one the porch of Clarke’s house. She didn’t care if it was raining or that it was two in the morning. She needed to see Clarke and explain things weren’t how they seemed and how Costia had been wrong. She needed to explain she wasn’t engaged or in love with anyone other than Clarke. 

So, here she was at two in the morning standing in the rain waiting for someone to answer the door. 

“You have some nerve showing your face around here.” Raven glared as she opened the door. 

“Is Clarke home?” Lexa asked, ignoring the rain drops running down her forehead onto her cheeks. 

“She’s drunk.” Raven stated, not moving, blocking the entrance way of the door like a soldier. 

“May I come in?”

“You’re engaged. To another woman.”

Lexa shook her head. 

“WAS, keyword, was. I love Clarke. Now, can I please come in?” Lexa pleaded, hoping, praying the shorter woman would let her in. 

“You’re in love with Clarke?” Raven’s eyes widened. 

“Yes.” 

“She’s upstairs.”

Raven stepped aside and gestured for her to come in. 

“Raven, I was going to tell her.” Lexa said, feeling like she owed one of her girlfriend’s best friends an explanation. 

“Hurt her and I’ll fry your insides.” Raven waved her up the stairs and stumbled into the living room back to whatever she was doing. 

Lexa quickly made her way up the stairs and down the hall to Clarke’s bedroom. She paused before going inside. Even though she had been planning what she would say to the intern, how she would explain everything, she still felt nervous. 

Slowly, she opened the door to the room and quietly made her way over to the bed where Clarke laid on top of several blankets. Too hot from the alcohol to be buried underneath them. 

“Clarke..” Lexa whispered, gently laying her hand on the other woman’s shoulder. 

“Go away.” Clarke moaned, brushing off the attending’s hand. 

“Can we talk, please?” 

“Here’s a thought. No. Leave my house.”

“Costia and I aren’t together. We haven’t been since before I left New York. I was going to tell you about it, but—” 

Clarke sat up quickly, startling the attending at the sudden movement. 

“Lexa, I’m still very drunk right now. I’m in no state of mind to have this conversation with you.” 

Even through the darkness of the room, Lexa could tell Clarke had been crying and she felt horrible for being the cause of it. She had never wanted to hurt Clarke. She never wanted to be the reason for her pain. 

“You’re not the other woman. I’d never do that. Not to anyone. Not you. Never you.” Lexa tried again, hoping Clarke would at least know that. 

Clarke didn’t move, instead she choose to look away from Lexa. 

“I know. I still want to be alone right now.” Clarke finally said after a long, painful moment of silence. 

Lexa wanted to say more. She wanted to talk, but Clarke didn’t want her there. It was obvious in her body language and the tone of her voice. It hurt. Knowing the woman she loved, couldn’t even look at her

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Lexa said, getting up from the crouched position she was in beside the bed. 

Clarke didn’t say anything else and laid back down.

“Goodnight, Clarke.” Lexa said giving one last glance at the intern, before walking out of the bedroom. 

———

“You hired Costia?” Lexa asked after swinging open Abby’s office door, not bothering to knock. 

On top of everything, it had been a long night for Lexa. It was one of the first nights in a month she’d spent not sleeping beside Clarke and it hadn’t particularly gone well. 

“Close the door Lexa.” Abby looked up from the paper work on her desk and removed her glasses.

Lexa closed the door behind her and began pacing back and forth. 

“The board hired Costia. My hands were tied. She’s the best in the field.” Abby said, as she watched Lexa cross her arms angrily. 

“Why would you allow it? After everything I told you. For christ’s sakes I’m dating your daughter.” Lexa sighed, not caring much for secrets anymore. 

Abby, however was caught off guard and for a moment Lexa thought her mentor was going to pass out from shock. That or throw the computer monitor on the desk at her. 

“You and Clarke…” Abby finally got out, still in shock. 

Lexa ignored it. There were more pressing matters going on. 

“You hired Costia, the main reason for my moving here, my ex-fiance, to work here?” 

“It wasn’t personal and it wasn’t in my control. It was a business decision made way before I was made chief.” Abby sighed, getting up from her chair and standing in front of her desk. 

“It’s personal to me.” Lexa shot back, no where near ready to cool down. 

The two doctors stood facing each other. Lexa upset and Abby not expecting her short lunch break to be so dramatic. That and finding out her daughter was dating one of her attending’s. 

“I didn’t know she would be working here until after you called me.” Abby spoke after a moment.

Lexa wasn’t hearing it though. As far as she was concerned, Abby was the chief of the hospital. No one forced her to do anything. Not even the board. Most of whom valued Abby’s opinion and would have refused to hire anyone Abby didn’t agree with. Lexa wasn’t having it. She didn’t want excuses. She wanted Abby to send her ex, the spawn of Satan, back to the east coast where she belonged. 

“Listen, I get a call from you in the middle of the night from New York asking me for a job. All you said was Costia had cheated and you needed an out. I said yes, of course, anything for an old friend. You show up a couple of days later, start working here, and never mention another word about it.”

“Abb-”

“A month after you’re here, I get word that we’ve hired a neonatal surgeon who was approved before I was appointed chief. I didn’t get specifics from the board on who it was until a couple of days ago when they hand me her contract to finalize.”

Lexa remained silent. From what Abby was saying, it truly seemed like it was out of her hands. It seemed like Costia had gone the back way in getting hired and it made Lexa even more angry. 

“You could’ve said no.” Lexa huffed, as if she was five year old who had to give up her favorite toy. 

“Lexa…, you think this is hard for just you?” Abby asked, sitting on the front of her desk and crossing her arms. 

“She made it hard when she cheated.”

“I wasn’t referring to the cheating."

Lexa looked at the ground, avoiding Abby’s motherly eyes. 

“You never made it easy for her.” Abby said quietly. 

“So that makes the cheating okay?” 

“No. It doesn’t, but you’re not the only victim here.”

“Ten years, Abby.”

“Yes, ten years. Just remember you’re not the only one who got hurt.”

Deep down, Lexa knew the chief was right. She was never the perfect girlfriend and fiancé to Costia. She had messed up and done many things wrong, but it didn’t make it hurt less when she found her in bed with someone else, with her best friend. 

“You couldn’t have just written her a letter of recommendation?” Lexa finally asked, pulling herself from her thoughts. 

“You’re dating my daughter.” Abby ignored the attending’s question and attempted to glare at her. 

However, it didn’t work that well. The chief had a soft spot for the attending, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t upset. Lexa could tell she wasn’t going to be off the hook anytime soon. 

“Well, with Costia’s dramatic entrance, I’m not so sure anymore. Clarke doesn’t want to speak with me right now.” 

“Clarke is unique in how she deals and processes emotions.”

“She’s a runner.”

“So are you.”

“I was going to tell her. I just wasn’t sure how to bring it up. ‘Oh hey, Clarke, I was engaged to someone I was with for ten years, but not anymore because she cheated on me with my best friend.’ It’s embarrassing.” Lexa ranted, frustratingly running her hand through her hair. 

“She’ll come around. Maybe.” Abby tried to reassure her, but it wasn’t very helpful. 

“Are you upset I’m dating your daughter?” Lexa asked, truly curious on what her mentor was thinking of the whole situation. 

“Yes. Very. It’s unprofessional and if you were anyone else I’d have you fired and blacklisted. I can go on and on with how horrible of a decision you’ve two made.” Abby went on, her words hinted with rage and disappointment. 

“But?” 

“You just found out your ex-fiance is here to stay and she’s going to be working in this hospital. I’ll let up. For now."

“Clarke said you would try and murder me.” Lexa chuckled, surprised her limbs were still intact. 

“Yes, once this whole Costia situation cools down, I might.” Abby said, uncrossing her arms and taking a seat back in her chair behind the desk. 

“Make her leave. Send her back to New York. I’m dating your daughter. I’ve seen enough TV to know how awkward this can get.” Lexa groaned, pacing back and forth again. 

“Yes. Because it’s every mother’s dream to see their daughter in a messy love triangle." Abby rolled her eyes, rubbing the temples on the side of her head, trying to fight off the impending headache Lexa was giving her. 

"There's no triangle. Just a line with two points at the end. Those two points being me and Clarke. No triangle.”

“Can you honestly tell me, after ten years with Costia, the love you two shared is no longer there?”

“Those ten years weren’t perfect.”

“Trust me I know.” Abby sighed as if she was recalling every ‘break up’ or fight Lexa and Costia would call her about. 

It was like watching an over the top soap opera.

“What I feel for Clarke, could never compare to Costia. I loved her, I did. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her at one point, she was my best friend, but there was always this uncertainty that loomed over us. A doubt. I never felt sure.”

“You left her so many times. You ran.”

“I got to go. Surgery.” Lexa stopped her pacing and walked towards the door, not wanting to talk any more further about her and Costia. 

“Lexa?”

The attending turned around. 

“Is that a busted lip?” Abby asked, knowing very well it was. There was no doubt she heard about the small fight between Murphy and Bellamy the day before. 

“There was a scuffle between two syphilis infected interns..” 

Abby leaned back in her chair, not sure she really believed it. Lexa always did have a way of finding trouble. 

“I see. Need I remind you you’re one of the many faces representing this hospital. Learn to duck or feel free to explain to the board why you’ve began to look like you’re involved with an underground fight club these last couple of weeks.”

“Nice to see you joke in the midst of my suffering.” Lexa rolled her eyes, about to step out of the office. 

“There will be more suffering. You’re having an fling with my daughter.” Abby glared. 

“Not a fling. We’re girlfriends. We’re official.” Lexa smirked, lingering in the doorway, not able to help brag about it a bit even though her and Clarke weren’t on the best of terms at the moment.

“Get out of my office. Now.” Abby glowered causing Lexa to quickly shut the door behind her before Abby could actually kill her. 

——

“I heard the craziest rumor today?”

Lexa shook her head and closed the chart she was working on. 

“Anya, I’m not in the mood.” 

Anya could care less. In fact, Lexa thought she even saw the other attending smile. She lived for this kind of stuff. She was a real drama whore, and Lexa wasn’t in the the mood for it. 

“So, it’s true? She’s here?” Anya gasped excitingly. 

“Anya..”

“Costia’s here!?!”

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything..”

Lexa groaned at the voice while Anya continued to beam. 

“Costia. Nice to see you. Despite the circumstances.” Anya politely side-hugged the new attending, ignoring Lexa’s sour face. 

“Anya, it’s been a while. Good to see you.” Costia smiled as if they were all the best of friends. 

“I was just chatting with Lex here. I’ll leave you two..” Anya was about to leave before Lexa stopped her. 

“Not necessary. I’m going.” Lexa mumbled, about to stomp off. 

“Lexa-“ Costia tried to stop her by grabbing her arm.

Lexa shook it off and shot her a not very nice look. 

“Dr. Easton.”

All three attending’s looked behind them as a particular intern approached. 

“Clarke?” Lexa tried, but the blonde ignored her and focused on Costia. 

“Dr. Easton, you requested an intern.” Clarke stated in a tone implying she wanted to be anywhere else than where she was at the moment. 

“I did.” Costia replied, smile still planted on her face. 

“Wow.” Anya mumbled behind before quickly walking off, leaving the three of them there, staring awkwardly at one another. 

“Dr. Woods! You’re needed in the OR.” A nurse yelled from across the hall. 

Lexa was about to pull Clarke off to the side, but the blonde took a step back, crossing her arms. 

“You should go. It looks like they really need you.” Clarke said, in her upmost professional voice, the voice she used with everyone else, not the voice she used with Lexa.   
   
“I’ll see you later?” Lexa asked, not caring if Costia was watching or that Clarke looked like she hated her guts. 

“I’m working.” The intern replied before turning to Costia, ready to be ordered around. 

Lexa sighed as she watched the two walk off and down to the elevators. She wanted to punch something with all the frustration going on inside her. However, her hands were needed for surgery and she wouldn’t be able to do that if they were buried in the wall of the hospital. 

——

“Define T.T.T.S.”

“Twin-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. Conjoined Fetal Twins.”

“Connected by?”

“Blood vessels in the placenta.”

“Meaning?”

“One twin gets too much blood, the other too little, endangering the lives of both.”

“Very good, Dr. Griffin.”

Costia jotted down some notes on their patient’s chart while Clarke finished checking the patient’s vitals. 

“Are my babies going to be okay?” The soon to be mother asked, worry heavy in her voice. 

“T.T.T.S. is usually impossible to correct. Lucky for you, I'm one of the handful of surgeons in the world who knows how to separate fetal blood vessels. So, we’re going to get you into surgery tomorrow. If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask Dr. Griffin.” Costia reassured the patient smoothly, Clarke herself couldn’t have done it better. 

Once the examine was finished, both doctors stepped out of the room and stood off to the side finishing some notes on the patient. 

“So?” Costia muttered, breaking the uncomfortable silence between the two of them. 

“So.” Clarke muttered back. Trying to sound uninterested. 

“You and Lexa.” Costia looked up, clicking her pen and putting it in her scrub pocket. 

“Do you really want to talk about it here? Or at all in general?” Clarke didn’t bother to hide how uncomfortable she was with the conversation and shifted uncomfortably in her lab coat. 

She didn’t want to talk about her girlfriend with her girlfriend’s ex-fiance. Ever. Especially not at work. 

“No. However, you and I are going to be working together. You’re mother is a good friend and mentor of mine. We’ll be seeing a lot of one another Dr. Griffin. Might as well get comfortable with the big elephant in the room.” Costia went on, not caring how uneasy Clarke was getting with each second that passed. 

Clarke stayed silent, pretending to focus on their patient’s labs, despite checking them three times already.

“You’re angry with her. You shouldn’t be. I’ll admit seeing you two when I first got here was upsetting and I acted wrongly. However, Lexa didn’t do anything. It was all me. Mostly.” Costia simply stated.

Clarke looked up at the attending and wished she didn't look sympathetic, wished she didn't sound so sincere and sorry about how things had panned out the other day. 

It would make hating her so much easier. 

“I think it would be best if we just focused on our patient.” Clarke finally said, handing Costia the labs and readjusting the stethoscope around her neck. 

Costia took a deep breathe and exhaled, as if she knew this was as far as she was going to get with Clarke on the matter. 

She took the labs and put them in the patient’s chart before handing it off to a nurse. 

“Yes. Of course.” Costia replied, walking to another patient, leaving Clarke to think about what she said. 

—

“You look nice today.” Miller greeted the blonde as she dropped her tray of food on to the lunch table. 

“Thanks. I didn’t really have a choice. Lexa’s ex-fiance looks like a freaking runway model. And I’m like…me.” Clarke sighed opening her salad box and throwing a piece of cucumber into her mouth. 

“Have you spoken to her yet, Lexa?” Monty asked leaning into the table. 

“Not really. I know I shouldn’t be mad, but I still feel like I’m the other woman.” Clarke mixed her salad with ranch, ignoring her friend’s stares. 

“Why? Her and Lexa were broken up before she got here. Rumor has it Dr. Woods walked in on Dr. Easton and Dr. Wood’s best friend.” Miller went on, stealing one of Monty’s fries before being slapped away. 

“Miller. Shut up. Stop contributing to the rumor spreading.” Monty shot the intern a look. 

“You think it’s true?” Miller ignored Monty, turning to Clarke. 

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Clarke mumbled, as Murphy joined them at the table. 

“You should talk to her. Stop sulking. It’s pathetic and doesn’t look good on you.” Murphy said, already knowing what the topic of discussion was. 

“You’re an asshole, you know?” Clarke chuckled knowing he had a point.

It was the mature thing to do. She had yet to give Lexa a chance to explain. She was feeling insecure and doubting their relationship when she didn't need to. Clarke knew Lexa cared about her. She was afraid though. Afraid the gorgeous ex-fiance was going to sweep back in and take Lexa back with her to the east coast. She was afraid and she was avoiding, pushing Lexa away. 

“You know I’m right. You’re overreacting. You’re not the other woman.” Murphy added as if if he were reading her mind. 

“It’s awkward, okay? I barely got comfortable with Lexa and I even dating. Now, I have to be comfortable with her ex-fiance working in the same hospital as us. It’s a lot to take in.” Clarke sighed, not bothering with her salad anymore, appetite gone. 

The other interns didn't bother with the topic of Lexa for the rest of lunch. It didn’t matter, because even though she wasn’t mentioned, she was all Clarke could think of and it was driving the intern out of her mind. 

——

“Who’s Dr. McDreamy?” The new attending appeared out of nowhere startling Clarke. 

The intern put her coffee down and looked up from the computer where she was entering some patient information. 

“Excuse me?” 

“The other interns, in the cafeteria. They were whispering about a Dr. McDreamy. Tan, gorgeous, has a habit of leaning against things. Likes to ponder the difficulties of dating beautiful women.” Costia went on, typing away on her cellphone, not bothering to look up. 

As if on cue, Lexa stepped out of a patient’s room and looked their way, directly at Clarke. The intern kept their stare and cleared her throat causing Costia to look up. She turned to see what Clarke was staring at and laughed. 

“Oh. I see. Well, I suppose it’s fitting.” Costia chuckled, putting her cell phone into her lab coat pocket. 

Clarke got up from her chair and came up from behind the nurse’s station and handed Costia their patient’s new labs and chart.

“Labs for the T.T.T.S. patient are in. They confirm what looks like abnormalities on the ultrasound. I think you should see for yourself.”

Costia took the labs and looked at them carefully, nodding her head in agreement. 

“Ok, let’s go.” Costia mumbled walking off, still focused on the labs, not noticing Lexa walking their way. 

“Clarke.” Lexa gently grabbed the intern’s arm, stopping her from following Costia. 

Clarke could feel eyes on them and knew the rumors must have been circulating. Half the rumors claiming she was the other woman and the other half claiming Costia had cheated on Lexa with her best friend. 

“Don’t. Not here.” Clarke pulled away, even though it hurt to do it. 

“When? Where?” Lexa quickly got out. 

Clarke noticed the dark circles underneath the attending’s eyes reminding the intern she wasn’t the only one having a difficult time with the whole ex-fiance situation. 

“Dr. Griffin, are you coming?” Costia called from the end of the hall, noticing the intern wasn’t behind her. 

Lexa gave her a pleading look, but Clarke continued to avoid her eyes, knowing she’d give in easily right then and there if she saw the brunette’s eyes. 

“I don’t know. Just not now.” Clarke sighed, walking away, leaving Lexa standing behind her once again.    
———  
Lexa’s sat on the couch in the attending’s lounge. After teaching Murphy how to do a simple tumor removal procedure, she was called into a five hour surgery and now she was both mentally and physically exhausted. She’d hope she’d get a chance to talk to Clarke, but when she went to ‘their’ call room, the bed was empty and un-slept in and all her texts, phone calls had remained unanswered. 

“You look like you’ve had better days.”

Lexa kept her eyes closed and didn’t bother to move from the couch for an escape. She was too tired and she wasn’t going to let Costia ruin the first ‘relaxation’ moment she had for the day. 

“Yeah, well, you made quite the dramatic entrance.” Lexa mumbled, feeling Costia plump herself down on the couch beside her. 

“Where’s your girlfriend?” Costia asked casually. 

“Ignoring me. Thank you for that by the way.” Lexa sighed, opening her eye so she could properly shoot daggers at her ex. 

“Right. Because I was expecting to show up here to find you cozied up with a new woman four months after leaving me.” Costia muttered, seeming tired herself. 

“You cheated on me with one of my best friends.”

“And you left before I could fix it.”

“There was nothing left for you to fix.”

“So, what? You just magically stopped loving me, after ten years, everything just disappeared?” Costia shot back angrily. 

“No. It didn’t disappear. In fact, I was miserable without you. Then I met Clarke and every thing, every thing changed.” Lexa answered remembering how miserable she was the first couple of weeks in Seattle after leaving New York, her home. 

“Scary, isn’t it. You can be with someone for a decade and all it takes is another person to erase it all.” 

“Clarke has nothing to do with what happened between you and I. You cheated on me Costia. You betrayed me. And you broke my heart.”

“Like you were perfect Lexa? The last year together, you could hardly look at me. You weren’t there. You were distant. You were cold. Every time, I tried you pulled away. And you would leave. God, every time it got hard, you’d leave. Every time I took you back.”

There was a deafening silence as Costia got up from the couch, too upset to sit next to the other attending. Lexa had no words, simply because Costia was right. The last year Costia and her shared together had been difficult. She didn’t know it then, but Lexa was unhappy and she wasn’t sure how she could walk away again from the woman she spent the last ten years loving. She promised she wouldn’t leave her again, she promised she’d be better, try harder, love her like she deserved. But she was so unhappy and it showed. And Costia noticed. You notice when someone begins to fall out of love with you. Even if they don’t realize it themselves. 

“We were going to get married and I wasn’t sure you even loved me anymore. I thought you were going to leave again and Roan, Roan was defending you, sticking up for you, telling me and everyone who could tell you were different, a little off lately, that you were in a rut, that you wouldn’t leave again. That you were growing up and you’d go back to being Lexa again.” Costia went on, pausing to wipe a traitorous tear that had escaped her eye. 

“And then you turned around and slept with him.” Lexa finally replied, after a brief moment of silence, not sounding accusatory or bitter this time, just stating a truth. 

“Yes, I slept with him. We both made mistakes. But I love you. I do and I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m truly sorry.” Costia sighed, her voice low like it got when she was upset, sitting back down beside Lexa. 

The two remained sitting for some time. Not sure what else to say to each other. Not sure how to move past everything that failed between them. 

“Me too.” Lexa broke the silence. 

Costia looked at the other attending, confused. 

“What?”

“I’m sorry for all the times I left. For hurting you too.” Lexa said, getting up from the couch and leaving the room. 

 

———

Clarke watched as Lexa twirled the beer bottle in her hand nervously. 

She had showed up unannounced. After ignoring all of Lexa’s texts and phone calls, here she was. Leaning against her car in front of Lexa’s trailer. Lexa remained seated on the makeshift porch that was constructed around the trailer, wrapped up in a wool jacket, protecting her from the night chill. The attending seemed tired and less cheerful than Clarke was used to and it made the intern’s heart ache. 

“One night, I get home. I unlock the door go inside our house, and something’s different, something’s off. And I stand there for a moment and I know.” Lexa starts off, setting her beer bottle down beside her. 

“I go upstairs. I’m walking down the hall, trying to prepare myself for what I’m about to see. I step on a jacket. A man’s jacket. A familiar jacket. I’ve seen it before and I know when I go into the bedroom, I’m not just going to see my fiancé cheating on me. I’m going to see her cheating on me with Roan, my best friend.”

Lexa stops and breathes out, as if she’s reliving the whole scenario again. 

“It was just so cliche and typical and dirty and cruel.”

“I left and came out here.”

“And you met me.” Clarke whispers, surprised Lexa hears her and nods. 

“I met you.”

Clarke slowly walks closer to where Lexa’s seated on the porch and sits next to her. 

“What am I to you? The girl you mess around with to get over being cheated on?” Clarke asked, trying not to let the insecurity seep into her voice. 

Lexa looked at her and Clarke didn't know what everyone talked about before, when her friends joked about the way Lexa looked at her, but in that exact moment, with the light of the moon reflecting off the green of her eyes and how her jaw was relaxed, her face focusing just on her, Clarke knew.

“No. You’re like, after a very harsh, dark winter, the first moment when the sun comes out, and you feel the heat on your skin. You see the flowers growing again. And the sun is shining. You’re like coming out of the dark and stepping into the light. That’s all I know.” Lexa answered, but Clarke needed to be sure. 

She needed Lexa to say more, to prove to her she was more than a rebound after a ten year relationship, that she was worth more than what people were whispering behind their backs. 

“I need more.” Clarke stood up, shaking her head. 

Lexa squinted her eyes and slightly tilted her head like she did when she was confused. 

“What?”

"She has ten years on me, Lexa. Ten years worth of things she knows about you. Ten years of memories shared. Ten years of dates, I love yous, promises, hopes. Ten years worth of love. I can’t compete with that.”

“There’s no competition, Clarke. Ten years with her can’t compete with the three months I’ve had with you.”

“I need you to say it. I need you to say you choose me, you love me. Because I’m in love with you Lexa. It’s easy. Her or me. And I’m sure she’s wonderful. I mean there has to be a reason you were with her for ten years. But Lexa, I love you, in a really, really big – pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window and jeopardize every thing I’ve ever worked for – unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. Say you’ll choose me.” 

Clarke was shaking. She wasn’t even sure of all the words she had said. All she knew was she asked Lexa to choose her, to love her, and she hoped. She hoped that was enough. Because she was in too deep. She couldn’t lose Lexa. Even in the short span of time they had known each other, been together, she couldn’t lose the other woman. She couldn’t fathom being with anyone else, having a future with anyone else. She wanted Lexa. She needed Lexa. She loved Lexa and she prayed Lexa loved her. She prayed and hoped and begged Lexa would choose her. 

Lexa didn’t say anything for a moment, nor did she moved, but she looked at Clarke like she was in awe. Like she was the greatest thing the attending had ever laid eyes on and it was overwhelming. So overwhelming, Clarke couldn’t manage to look away, she was paralyzed with the way Lexa’s eyes pierced her skin and seeped into the deepest corners of her soul. 

“I don’t need to choose you because there was never a choice to make. I love you, Clarke Griffin. In a really big — believe in the old myth that soulmates are born with red strings attached to each other’s fingers, let you take my coffee and choose what we watch on Netflix and eat for dinner, run away and build a new life together — fortunate way that makes me love you more and more each second that passes, love you. If you need to hear me say it, fine, I choose you, but the moment you laid eyes on me, I was done for. There were no choices for me, I knew I’d spend the rest of my life getting you to fall in love with me. I love you, Clar-”

Clarke stopped the girl with her lips and pulled her into her arms. Immediately, Lexa relaxed into the kiss as if she was put on this Earth specifically just to kiss and be in love with the intern and Clarke continued the kiss until both had to pull away before they’d past out from lack of air. 

“Okay.” Clarke mumbled against Lexa’s lips, not wanting to pull away, now or ever. 

“Okay?” Lexa repeated, before kissing Clarke again, this time more slowly. 

“Yes. Okay. Good. You love me. I love you. Good.” Clarke pulled back, placing both her hands on Lexa’s cold cheeks, before kissing her again. 

 

Lexa choose her.


	11. Decerebrate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly a filler. Any recs for what you want to see in this fic? 
> 
> Also, if you want check out my other one called Group Chat, I have another chapter for it coming soon. 
> 
> And bug me if you want on tumblr
> 
> thingsyouwishyouwouldvesaid.tumblr.com

 

“No, we can’t.”

Clarke gently shoved Lexa away, putting her arm out so the attending couldn’t try to resume her kissing. 

“What? Why?” Lexa groaned while Clarke looked for her bra. 

“Because we’ve been here for three hours already. Nurses. Other doctors saw us come in, they’ll just add to the gossip pool. Plus, I’m swamped with work and studying. I’m behind. Falling behind, because I’ve let myself get distracted with us, with you.” Clarke sighed, running her hand through her hair, unable to locate the bra. 

“I thought I was your girlfriend. Not a distraction.” 

Lexa pulled black lace from underneath the call room bed and handed it to the intern. 

“That’s not what I meant…” Clarke mumbled, taking the bra and clasping it on her chest. 

“It’s fine. I get it.”

“Lexa..”

Lexa turned over in the bed, facing away from the intern, and pulled a cover over her head. 

“Hey, come on.” Clarke attempted to pull of the blanket, but was met with resistance. 

Instead, she placed her hands right beneath Lexa’s ribs and tickled her as the attending began to squeal and squirm.

After, an excruciating ten seconds for Lexa, she uncovered herself and sat up reluctantly, watching Clarke’s hands for another attack. 

“Clarke, it’s fine. I understand. I love you. Now go be busy. Doctors are supposed to save lives, you know..” Lexa groaned while blocking Clarke’s treacherous hands making there way back underneath her ribs. 

“I love you. Later?” 

Clarke smiled, getting off the bed and adjusting her scrub top.    
“Well, I suppose after all the life saving..”

“Dr. Woods, we have an organ donor coming in. We’re doing a harvest. In OR 1 at 3 pm.” 

The call room barley opened enough for Lexa’s intern to speak through, scared he was about to get his tongue cut out for interrupting ‘nap time’.

“I’m in OR 1 at 3 pm.” Lexa sighed, placing her hands over her eyes. 

“The chief said your surgery’s non-critical.”

The intern opened the door a little more, doing his best to ignore Clarke’s presence. 

“She can’t bump me.” 

“Dr. Woods…”

“Tell her to bump someone else and get out of here. Now.” Lexa nearly snarled, upset her schedule had been ruined. 

Clarke watched the intern quickly shut the door and turned back to her attending. 

“This is what happens when you date her daughter.” 

“You know, I’m beginning to think it’s not worth it.”

Clarke scowled and swiftly went for Lexa’s weak spot again, causing the brunette to become paralyzed with torturous laugher, gasping for air and relief. 

 

“Okay! Okay! I Take it back! I take it back!” Lexa yelled out in between unwanted laughs, trying to push Clarke’s hands away. 

—

Clarke sighed for the fourth time in the last two minutes, leaning against the elevator wall, running her hand in her hair, untangling it from the ponytail it was in. 

She had no idea why she was walking down to her and Lexa’s call room. She had a million things to do and not even a second to spare. Yet, here she was. On her way for what was obviously a ‘quickie’ page from her attending. Besides, it had been 36 hours since the last two had seen each other and as disgusting as it was, Clarke missed Lexa and couldn’t keep herself away from the doctor. No matter how hard she tried. 

The moment the intern got to the call room and opened the door, she was quickly pulled in and assaulted with lips tracing down her neck. 

“You did not just page me to have sex in a call room.” Clarke moaned, as Lexa made quick work of removing her scrub top. 

Lexa pretended to scowl and backed away much to Clarke’s dismay. 

“Why do you always assume I’m that easy? Why don’t you wine and dine me for once, Griffin. Light some candles, turn on some music, set the mood..” Lexa smirked before resuming her exploration of Clarke’s upper body. 

“I’m not having sex with you here, Lexa. Anyone can walk in. Unprofessional.”

“You’re the one coming on to me."

“If we’re going to do this we need to be quick..” Clarke mumbled as she pulled Lexa up from kissing her stomach and attached their lips together. 

“I love it when you get romantic with me…”

“Take off your damn pants, Lexa.”

“What is going on in here?!?”

Both Clarke and Lexa froze in horror as the door was swung open, revealing an extremely shocked and infuriated Abby. 

Clarke quickly pushed Lexa off her and covered both of them with a thin bed sheet. 

“Mom?”

“Clarke?”

“Abby.”

“Lexa?”

“My office, the both of you, now.”

—

“Mom..”

Clarke uttered, trying not to feel like she was sitting in front a school principal. 

She was sitting in front of her mother, which she guessed was her job’s version of a principal, but still, the Chief of Surgery, the principal of her hospital, was in fact her mother. And Clarke shouldn’t feel so nervous, so intimidated, so terrified of the reprimand she and Lexa were about to get. But she was. And as far as she could tell, Lexa wasn’t, at least not on the outside. And it drove her up the walls. Like seventy percent of the things Lexa did. 

“No. No speaking.”

The Chief of Surgery pursed her lips as if she was about to speak, but stopped herself.

“Abby..” Lexa tried this time, but was shot with a menacing glare. 

“Especially no speaking from you.”

“You’re still upset.”

“If you thought I was upset before Lexa, you have no idea how upset I am now. Catching my chief of neurology and one of her surgical interns about to engage in intercourse in one of the hospital’s call rooms. Call rooms that are reserved for our hard working doctors. Doctors who renovate the medicine field and save lives. Doctors who need rest and don’t abuse their privileges.” 

Abby didn't move from the seat behind her desk. She didn’t move her hands or shuffle papers or fidget with her white coat. She simply sat behind her desk, speaking calmly, yet with so much anger and disappointment, Clarke thought she was about to be disowned. 

“Mom, I-“

“You two are playing a very dangerous game. A game which could cost you both your careers, your reputations. An extremely foolish, idiotic game. A game that would never be allowed and banned if anyone else were your chief of surgery.”

“I taught you both better. I thought I had taught you both better. Apparently I was wrong. Apparently I failed you. Regardless, when or if this ends, you’ll both deal with the consequences. You’ll both be professional and so help me God if this creates any conflict of some sort, big or small, I will make your jobs here at Seattle Grace insufferable.” 

“Am I still invited to dinner or..”

“Lexa.”

“Of course. Most of the attending’s and some residents will be there. Dr. Brooks, Lincoln, Dr. Lee, Dr. Easton. ” Abby sighed, seeming to relax a bit. 

“I’ve got surgery. This talk was, honestly uncomfortable. Um, I love you both?” 

Lexa looked between the two Griffins and Clarke put her hand on her forehead knowing the words would anger her mother more. 

Just when Abby was cooling down, Lexa had to be Lexa. 

“Get out of my office, now Dr. Woods.” Abby glared, causing Lexa to shoot an apologetic look at Clarke before darting out the office. 

“Mom-“ Clarke uttered, but was stopped as Abby put her hand up. 

“No. I’ve said what I’ve needed to say. Whatever happens from here is between you and Lexa and will stay between you and Lexa. Am I clear?”

Clarke nodded and got up from her seat. 

“Crystal.” The intern replied. 

“Good. You have rounds to attend to. Also, don’t be late Saturday.” 

And with that Clarke was shooed away, relieved to be away from her mother who just had to walk in on her and her girlfriend having a quickie in the hospital she ran. 

 

———

 

“Dr. Woods, wait up!”

Lexa turned on her heels and collided with the intern who apparently had been running after her. 

“Dr. Murphy.” 

“I was in the ICU with a harvest patient, he’s decerebrate, but this other doctor took him..and the brain stem is still alive.”

Lexa looked at her cell phone and noticed the several text messages from Lincoln and Anya asking her if she wanted extra sweet potato fries for lunch. However, Murphy’s patient was more important and she put her cell phone back into her pocket. 

“Where?”

“They’re on the way into the OR right now, right over there.”

Murphy pointed down the hallway. 

Lexa sighed when she saw the doctor pushing the gurney Murphy had positioned himself in front of while she trailed behind. 

“Dr. Wallace!”

Dr. Wallace grunted before turning around. The feeling of annoyance and mild hatred was mutual between the two.

“Dr. Woods, I’m on the way to surgery..”

“Mind if I take a look? As head of neurosurgery, I insist.”

Lexa pulled out her light and began to check the patient’s pupils, not waiting for a response from the other doctor. 

“Sure, whatever, she’s still posturing, but we have every intention on waiting to harvest until he’s dead. He’s in an irreversible coma. Only thing salvageable here are the organs. Unless, the family wants to babysit a vegetable the next twenty years..”

Lexa rolled her eyes and put her light back in her chest pocket. She took the patient’s chart and flipped through it, noticing an absence of MRIs, EKGs, and any other scans indicating the patient was in fact brain dead and ready for organ donation. 

“Where’s the MRI? EKG? She has a tumor on her brain stem, where are the scans?”

“Lexa, I don’t have time for this. Now, why don’t you go off and visit the little dumb blonde intern of yours an-“

The moment the words came out out of Wallace’s mouth, Lexa’s fist was clenched, but she was too slow. Murphy already had Wallace pushed against the wall, fist ready to collide with the other doctor’s nose. And as much as Lexa wanted to see Wallace bleed, she knew she couldn’t have her or Murphy fired. Not when she was already in hot water. 

“Murphy!”

Lexa grabbed Murphy’s arm and pulled him off. Wallace just smirked, knowing he was safe and untouchable. For now at least. 

“What’s going on here?”

_Of course_

__

Lexa thought, turning to a red faced Abby. 

“Please tell me there isn’t another fight about to happen here, in my hospital? And why am I not surprised you’re right in the middle of it Dr. Woods?”

Abby stood with her hands on her hips, evaluating the situation. 

Lexa let go of Murphy’s arm and handed her the patient’s chart to examine. 

“We have a donor here that’s still decerebrate with an active brain stem. I want to do tests, MRI, EKG. I insist on it. Before Dr. Wallace attempts to carve her open right here?”

“You insist?”

Abby looked up from the chart and eyed her. 

“Chief…” Wallace sighed, frustratingly. 

“If the head of neurosurgery insists than carry on with your tests, Dr. Woods..” 

Abby handed the chart back to Lexa, ignoring the scowl planted on Wallace. 

“We have seven patients waiting, Chief.” Wallace said, glaring at Lexa. 

“You know very well who gets the organs is up to UNOS, Dr. Wallace. Right now, we have a patient here who can very well be alive and recoverable. It shouldn’t take me intervening for you to see and understand that.” Abby retorted, beginning to walk away. 

“Yes, m’am.” Wallace mumbled, before storming off in another direction.

Lexa exhaled, glad she could get a chance to make sure she could do all she could for her and Murphy’s new patient. After the reprimand she’d receive from Abby that morning and hearing Wallace’s words about her and Clarke, she needed a win. 

“Let’s go Murphy.” Lexa said, pushing the patient back down the hall and into a room. 

“That was badass.” Murphy grinned, walking besides her. 

Lexa chuckled. It wasn’t really badass, she had just made sure the patient was getting the proper and fair treatment all patients should get. She was just doing her job. 

“Next time, someone says something like that about her…tell me first. I’ll take care of it.” Lexa nearly whispered, looking around before focusing on Murphy. 

Murphy nodded and crossed his arms. 

“She’s my friend, Dr. Woods. A good one. If someone says something, I’m going to defend her regardless if you’re around or not.” The intern added as they both began to reconnect the patient to different machines. 

__

_Good._

__

Lexa thought, trying to be serious despite the tiny smile forming on her lips. 

“I know. However, I rather you not punch em out every time it happens. You’re my intern. I’d be inconvenienced if you were kicked out of the program for socking another one of your colleagues.” Lexa shrugged, trying not to sound like she cared about him too much, even though he was her favorite, her prodigy. 

“Sure.” Murphy grinned quickly before returning to his normal face of annoyance and pent up anger. 

“Good. How’s the syphilis?”

“And now I regret ever coming to you.”

Lexa laughed as the intern left the room, off to get a nurse to help guard their patient. 

———

Clarke was in her closet, rummaging through a sea of clean and dirty clothes on the floor trying to find one of her ‘fancy’ bras when she heard noise come inside her room. 

“Fancy seeing you here.” Clarke said, leaving the confines of her closet and throwing herself on top of the attending who took the liberty of sprawling herself across the bed. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi.”

Clarke gently, almost barley, put her lips on the back of the attending’s neck, knowing it drove her crazy. 

“You’re off earlier than expected.” Clarke whispered, feeling the body underneath her shutter. 

“I moved some things around. Figured you’d be a bundle of nerves about dinner tonight.”

Lexa flipped them over, grinning wide and bright eyed. 

“A little.”

“It’ll be great. It’ll run smoothly. Like cream cheese on a toasted bagel.”

“Your similes need some work.” Clarke laughed while pulling on Lexa’s shirt. 

Lexa swatted her hands away and threw herself besides the blonde. 

“If anyone should be nervous it should be me. One, it’s been years since I’ve been to one of these things. Two, your mom wants me dead. Third, Lincoln and Anya are going to tease our astounding chemistry. Fourth, all the other residents and attending’s are obsessed with me and will want to ‘chat’ all night when all I want is to sneak off to the bathroom with you.” Lexa went on comically.

“Don’t forget the ex-fiancé.” Clarke added, moving her hands underneath Lexa’s shirt and drawing circles. 

“Ah, yes. Satan will also be there.”

“I love you.” 

__

_Every time_

__

Clarke thought. 

Every time Lexa got a look in her eyes. They’d get wide and her lips will move upward, not a full on smile, but a small subtle one. Clarke wasn’t even sure Lexa knew she was doing it. But every time. Every time Clarke told the attending she loved her, Lexa would get wide eyed and subtle smiley. And every time. Every time it pulled at Clarke’s heart strings painfully, but a good kind of painful. A beautiful kind of pain. 

“I love you more. I love you times infinity.” Lexa said after a moment. After being wide eyed and smiley, pulling the blonde closer to her. 

“Shut up.” 

“You have nothing to worry about.” Lexa assured her, running her finger tips along Clarke’s cheek. 

“I know.”

“I know you know. I thought I’d vocalize it.”

“We don’t have to go. If it’s uncomfortable, we can stay here. Order in. Hang out with Raven and the boys.” Clarke tried to convince the other doctor.

Lexa scoffed and made an exasperated face. 

“And leave Octavia to fend for herself in a room full of pretentious assholes. Your mother excluded. I don’t know if my moral values can handle such a thing.”

“Octavia can handle herself.” Clarke laughed. 

“So can I. Plus, I want us to have a sense of normalcy. I know it’s been difficult on you. The whole hot attending, gorgeous intern situation. I want to have dinner at my girlfriend’s mom’s house.” 

Clarke lifted herself a bit upward and kissed plush lips that fit so perfectly against her own. 

“Okay, but for the record, attending or not. I love and appreciate you.” Clarke got out, after pulling away. 

“Ah, your validations do wonders on me.” Lexa said, letting Clarke straddle on top of her, placing her hands on the blonde’s hips. 

“You have a praise kink. Admit it.”

“Only with you.” Lexa smirked, watching while Clarke removed her shirt, braless. 

Like clockwork, like expected, like how the mailman always comes at 2:13 pm making the dog next door bark like wild, like how the coffee in the hospital cafeteria is always best in the afternoon, like how every routine thing imaginable, Lexa’s mouth slightly dropped and a small moan escaped. 

“God.” Lexa groaned as Clarke moved the brunette’s hands from her hips to her breasts. 

“It’s like you’ve never seen me naked before.” Clarke smirked, moving down to kiss Lexa’s neck. 

“Excuse me if my girlfriend has a body sculpted by Zeus himself.” Lexa replied, flipping them over, causing Clarke to gasp in surprise. 

———

“Gorgeous, I know I say it constantly, but I really mean it this time.” Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand as they walked up the porch to the new, big, gray stoned house. 

Clarke rolled her eyes and moved a loose strand of hair behind the attending’s ear and fixed her blouse collar before ringing the doorbell to her mother’s house. 

“Clarke. Lexa. I’m glad you both could make it.” 

The door swung open as an elegant as always Abby greeted them, wine glass in hand. 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Lexa replied pulling Clarke inside the house with her.

“I don’t have to tell you two to be on your best behavior tonight, and by best behavior I mean no sneaking off to a bedroom and-” 

Clarke sighed, annoyed, feeling like she was in middle school again. 

“Mom, not necessary.” Clarke sighed as Lexa looked on, amused. 

Abby gives them one hard look before nodding in approval and began to walk away towards the back of the house where a majority of people seemed to be. 

“Good. Everyone is in the living and dining room.” Abby said over her shoulder, leaving the two to their own devices. 

“This place is huge.” Lexa mumbled, while Clarke guided her towards the back. 

“You’ve never been here before?” Clarke asked, curiously. 

Lexa nodded no, looking at the walls that were covered with art pieces instead of family portraits and mementos. 

“No. It’s..”

“Lacking personality? Lacking a sense of comfort?” Clarke joked, eyeing the champagne and wine on the bar off to the side of the kitchen. 

“I was going to say modern. But both of those are suitable as well.” Lexa smiled, genuinely, as if she could sense the intern’s discomfort. 

“After my dad, she couldn’t stand our old house anymore. One day I came home from med school, she wasn’t there. She got this place and she hasn’t been back since.” Clarke said remembering how alone she felt that day. 

She remembers it pretty well despite not wanting to. It was the first day of winter break and she and Raven drove all the way up from California and were exhausted. She walked into her home and noticed it was different. It felt different, off, as if it hadn’t been lived in for months. When she went into her parent’s room and noticed the sheets and comforter weren’t the same as the ones her dad loved, she called her mom and found out Abby had bought a new house on the outside of town and had been living there since they put her father in an assisted living home. She hadn’t bothered to even call and let her know. She spent the majority of that break with Octavia and Raven, making the house, the house she grew up in, the house she loved, the house her mother abandoned, feel like a home again. 

Lexa was about to speak when a voice interrupted. 

“Clarke. Lexa. Nice to see you both.”

Clarke watched her girlfriend’s body tense a bit, but relax immediately when Clarke linked her arm around her waist. It probably made her seem a tad possessive and jealous, but she really couldn’t help it . 

“Costia, I wish I could say the same.” Lexa replied, stoic, doing her best to sound emotionless. 

“Dr. Easton.” Clarke added, trying to ignore how stunning the neonatal surgeon looked in a classic black cocktail dress. 

“I was just catching up with Lincoln. I had no idea his girlfriend was your roommate.” 

“Yeah. She’s a cop. With a gun.” Lexa said, letting a small amount of bitterness into her tone. 

“Aren’t you observant.” Costia smirked, taking a sip from her champagne glass. 

“Is that my necklace? I’ve been looking everywhere for it!” Lexa exclaimed, pointing at the silver chain with a small, dark emerald gemstone clasped to it wrapped around Costia’s neck. 

Clarke watched Lexa’s face scrunch like it usually did when she was disgusted and appalled. 

“No way! This is mine. I got it from the boutique on 5th, the boutique you hate because ‘it smells like popery times ten’.” Costia shot back, stepping back so Lexa wouldn’t attempt to take it. 

However, Lexa stepped forward anyways, Clarke’s arm falling to her side. 

“You’re such a liar! I got it as a Christmas gift from that one guy back in college who didn’t believe I was a lesbian.” Lexa snarled, more upset than Clarke had anticipated. 

She felt a twinge of jealousy spark at how natural the two exes seemed to argue over such a trivial thing, but shook it off and waited to see who would end up with the piece of jewelry. 

“I’m sorry, Lexa. It’s mine. You’re not getting it back.” Costia shook her head, walking away to socialize with the other doctors in the house.

Clarke chuckled while Lexa huffed with irritation. 

“What? I’ve been looking every where for that necklace. It clashes perfectly with my eyes.”

Clarke rolled her eyes again and kissed the attending’s cheek. 

“I’m going to get a glass of wine.” Clarke said before heading in the direction of the makeshift bar on the side of the kitchen. 

“I’m going to raid the snack bar.” Lexa grinned, eyeing a tray of bacon wrapped shrimp floating around. 

Clarke made her way over to the bar, observing the many different, expensive choices before feeling a tug on her arm. 

“You’re late. These doctors are as bland as white rice and I can drink them all under the table.” Octavia hissed into Clarke’s ear causing her to laugh. 

“Why do you think I never come to these things?”

Clarke poured a glass of Proseco and handed it to her best friend who chugged it down. 

“Where’s Lexa?”

Octavia handed the glass back for a refill. 

“Searching for finger food. Lincoln?” 

“Talking with Costia.”

“Interesting.”

“How are things in that boat?”

Clarke shrugged, no news to really important on that front. After discussing their feelings for one another, their relationship had been solid and stable. Aside from getting caught by Abby, which was extremely embarrassing, things were going smoothly. 

“Good. I think. And Calm. Almost too calm.” Clarke replied, both women watching across the room where Costia was laughing out loud at something Lincoln had said. 

“Want me to take her out?” Octavia asked, sipping more wine. 

“No, but the gesture is sweet.” 

“She’s beautiful, huh?” 

Clarke watched her girlfriend take several shrimps from a platter, shoving one into her mouth. 

“Costia? Nah.”

“I was talking about, Lexa.” 

“Oh right. Yeah, I guess. I didn’t think anyone could make eating shrimp covered in bacon so graceful.”

Both nodded as Lexa made her way toward them, plate full of shrimp and other food items. 

“Want some?”

Clarke shook her head no, while Octavia took a piece of cheese. 

“How you holding up? I hear Lincoln’s been bragging about your tasering skills.” Lexa asked taking Octavia’s wine and drinking it. 

“Yep. I also keep pepper spray on me at all times.”

Lexa’s eyebrows went up curiously, checking out Octavia to see where she could be keeping it underneath her dark, red dress. 

“Interesting.” Lexa muttered while Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“I’m going to go meander. You two play nice.” The blonde said, leaving the two woman by themselves. 

—  
Clarke played with the frost on the railing of her mother’s back porch. She watched as it melted from the heat on her fingertips and run down the side of her arm. So far, the dinner had been successful. Too many doctors in one place for anyone to care enough to judge her and Lexa’s relationship, or notice the absence of her father, who her mother said was ‘out of town’. Octavia, seemed to also do well in the sometimes pompous environment some doctors seemed to bring with them, which made Clarke glad. She never had it in her mind Octavia wouldn’t do fine at a dinner with her and Lincoln’s colleagues, but some times she was forward and opinionated, not traits many people handled so well. However, she was as graceful and charming as ever and was sure every one adored her. 

“Hey. You okay?” A familiar voice pulled her from her thoughts. 

Clarke turned around as Lexa stepped out into the cold rubbing her hands together. 

“Mmhm. Wanted some fresh air.”

“It’s like 20 degrees out here.”

Lexa wrapped her arms around the intern in an attempt to warm her icy limbs. 

“Thanks.” Clarke muttered, feeling warmer already, despite not noticing how cold she was. 

Lexa hummed into her hair, moving slightly to kiss the side of her jaw. 

“I think the dinner went pretty well.” Lexa mumbled after a moment. 

“It did, huh?”

“Your mom still wants to kill me.”

“Probably going to take a while until she doesn’t.”

Both doctors chuckled, enjoying the comfort of one another. 

“You and Costia were speaking some.”

“Yes. We were.”

“About?” 

“Nothing really. Work.” 

“Want to get out of here?”

“Your place or mine?”

“Mine. I live deep in the forest. No neighbors to hear how loud I’m going to make you moan-“

“What are you two doing out here? It’s freezing.”

Clarke groaned as Lexa removed her arms from around her and took a step back, being respectful of Abby’s presence. 

“Mom.” Clarke said, missing Lexa’s arms. 

“Abby, dinner was fantastic.” Lexa added, sounding very much like a kiss ass. It was cute. 

“Uh huh. Come inside. Have some coffee.” Abby gestured for them to move inside. 

“I think we’re going to take off.” Clarke replied, sending a mischievous look towards Lexa, who blushed immediately. 

“Very well. Thank you both for coming. And behaving.” Abby pulled her daughter into a warm hug and then Lexa after. 

“Anything for you, Mom.” Lexa joked as she was released from Abby and grabbed onto by Clarke. 

The two left the house shortly after and off to Lexa’s, which Clarke secretly loved. Something about the two of them, secluded in the middle of the forest in a trailer too small for more than five people, just really made Clarke happy. And maybe it was the trailer. Maybe it was the red alder trees that surrounded them. Or how Lexa always made it feel like nothing else existed outside of the heaven they’d create underneath three blankets next to a heater that needed to be stocked every five hours. For some reason, Clarke was happy. Clarke was happy and maybe it was because Lexa was her home.


	12. Alzheimer's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I'm late on this. Life man. But I don't leave stories unfinished. So no worries, guys. 
> 
> Anyways tell me what you think.
> 
> Also, do you guys still read Clexa fanfiction or are you guys moving on? I'm curious. 
> 
> Happy reading :)

The quietness of the pit was an uncomfortable feeling for Clarke. Usually it was loud and crowded and tense and never as relaxing as it was at the moment. Paramedics were storming in and out. Nurses and interns pushing gurneys, shouting across to each other. Patient’s moaning, crying, waiting for their pain to be explained and fixed. 

However, it was quiet. And it made her feel uneven, unbalanced. Her gut was telling her something was off. 

It was quiet. 

_Too quiet._

__

Clarke thought swirling in her chair, watching the doors, waiting for the inevitable. 

Because when it was this quiet, this relaxing, it usually meant it was the calm before the storm. And Clarke was waiting. She was ready. 

Well, she thought she was. 

Until she saw the doors slide open with a very familiar face in the bed being pushed in. 

“Hey get your hands off me! I’ll report you to the chief and you’ll be out on your ass!”

“Where’s the chief? Where’s my wife!?!”

Clarke stopped spinning and froze. 

She froze and watched as Dr. Lee and Miller and Monty and Murphy tried to restrain her father who looked utterly confused and frightened and nothing like the man who taught her how to ride a bike and used to check her closet for monsters. 

“Patient’s name is uh, it’s um, Jake Griffin. Complaining of intermittent cramping, pain, and migraines. Also suffers from Alzheimer’s.” Miller mumbled out as he and Monty managed to get Jake’s arms down. 

“GET ME MY WIFE NOW OR I-“

“Mr. Griffin, if you could please-“ 

Clarke moved from behind the nurse station and in front of her father’s gurney. Immediately, Jake’s body relaxed at the sight of his daughter, but the confusion remained. 

“Clarke, what are you doing here? You should be at school, why aren’t you at school?” Jake asked, trying to get out of the gurney to get to his daughter. 

Clarke gently pushed him back down onto the gurney while Dr. Lee and her friends watched awkwardly, stepping off to the side. 

“Dad. Please calm down.” 

“I dropped you off, you’re supposed to be at school. Not here.” 

Jake shook his head, squinting his eyes, trying very hard to figure out why things weren’t making sense. 

Clarke could feel her eyes water, but refrained from any emotions her body was trying to feel and focused on calming her father like she had learned to do in the years since the Alzheimer’s had taken over. 

“Miller, page the Chief, Clarke, um..” 

Dr. Lee stepped back in, noticing Clarke’s shaking hands. 

“I know, I can’t work with him, he just, he needs me to calm him down. Give me a moment with him. Please.” Clarke pleaded, looking between her father and Dr. Lee. 

Dr. Lee hesitated before nodding and moving off to the side. 

“Sweetie, what’s going on? Why are you, why are they..?” 

Jake grabbed Clarke’s arm, his eyes damp and red. 

“Dad, everything’s okay. Look at me. You, bumped your head. Fixing the garage door. It got stuck again and you hit your head. The doctors just want to make sure you’re okay. Mom’s in surgery. She’ll be out soon.”

“I bumped my head?”

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s major though.”

“Okay. I bumped my head.”

“Clarke, we’re going to take care of him.” Dr. Lee assured her trying to proceed with their check up. 

“I know.” Clarke nodded, still worried and scared beyond belief. 

“Lincoln, needs someone to do his scut, finish up some of his charts. Get started on those and I’ll find you if anything comes up.”

“I’m fine. Really. I can work.” 

“I’m sure you are fine, but you’ll also be distracted. I can’t have a distracted surgical intern right now.” Dr. Lee sassed gesturing for her to go so they could work. 

Reluctantly, Clarke nodded and let her father be sedated. 

“Fine.” She mumbled, watching her friends doctor her father. 

———

“Where’s the mother?”

Lexa peered down into the hard plastic box containing a sick newborn child. She ran her hand slowly against the top of it and watched the baby struggle with each breath. She wanted terribly to pull her out of the box, yank the wires attached her, and hold her in her arms. Not even a couple of days old and the child had no one to care for her, to soothe her, to love her, and it was harder on Lexa than she was willing to admit. 

“No mother. The baby was abandoned outside a fire station.” Costia answered, looking on beside her with the same pained expression that must have been on Lexa’s face. 

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“You said the newborn had an invasive mass, this is not an invasive mass, this is a lot more. She’s premature, underweight, and addicted to narcotics.”

Lexa moved from the box and reminded herself why she was there. To be a doctor. Nothing more. And nothing less. She wasn’t going to let herself get attached to a patient. A patient who’s odds of surviving were slim to none. 

“I know it’s a long shot, Lexa. I know, but..” Costia tried, already knowing the thoughts running through Lexa’s mind. 

“But you think I’m a God who can make sure this newborn will survive extreme spinal surgery.” Lexa sighed taking the baby’s chart and looking at for the twentieth time, hoping there was something she missed, something that she’d see and could fix. 

But there was nothing, and she looked at the baby and thought of the pain she was suffering despite barley being born. It was devastating to think in the several days the child lived, all she knew was pain and Lexa couldn’t bare to be the cause of more. 

“I wouldn’t say God…” 

“She’s a mess. She’s got meningitis seizures, she’s in pain-“

“Lexa. I know.” Costia stopped her, aggravated and frustrated not only with Lexa, but the entire case. 

Lexa looked at her ex-fiancé and remembered how strongly she felt things and how she truly believed she could save every patient that came to her. Lexa wondered how after all these years, after all the loss, after the short number of tragic deaths on her hands yet out of her control, could Costia continue to have such strong faith and hope that she could save them all. 

“Look, I think she has a chance of survival. We have a responsibility to do every thing we can to save her.” Costia tried again, ready to bear down and convince Lexa the baby was worth saving. 

“Don’t do that. I know what you’re trying to do. It won’t work. You’re guilt eyes have no power over me anymore.”

Lexa shook her head and looked away from Costia’s ‘guilt you into whatever I want’ face and went back to watching the newborn’s chest rise and fall weakly. 

“Lexa, she’s a fighter. Look how far she’s come already. We can save her. You can save her.” Costia pleaded again. 

“She has nobody.” Lexa sadly, stated. 

“She needs us to fight for her.”

“She’s in too much pain, Costia. I can’t subject her to more pain for a surgery that has a 2% chance of even working.”

“Fine. Walk away. It’s what you do best.” Costia grunted, angrily at Lexa and the entire situation in general. 

Lexa took a deep breath and exhaled. The case was a long shot and if the surgeries she needed failed, the newborn would die in excruciating, pain. 

But Lexa couldn’t turn away, she couldn’t stop looking at the child. Couldn’t stop watching as she fought with each breath and how her little fists clenched and unclenched in her medicine, infused slumber. 

“I didn’t say no. I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it. I was informing you of the facts.” Lexa finally got out, opening the baby’s file again. 

Costia muttered words she didn’t hear and walked out of the NICU, leaving Lexa alone with the newborn and the quiet cries of the other babies around them.

———

“Mom?”

Clarke swung the office door open, quickly shutting it behind her. 

“Clarke, how’s your day going?” 

Abby looked up quickly, before looking back down at a stack of papers she was signing.

“Dad’s here.” Clarke said, hoping her mother would know what to do, hoping she could fix whatever was wrong with him, hoping she could find some way to save him.

“Here?” 

Abby dropped her pen and removed her glasses, tucking them into her breast pocket and getting up from her chair.

“He was just brought in. They’re giving him the full check up.” Clarke ran her hand through her hair, already emotionally exhausted with the day’s events. 

Flashes of her Father’s terrified eyes ran through her mind and she felt like running back to the hospital room she just left him in with Murphy. 

“Why weren’t we called? Why wasn’t I paged?” Abby raised her voice, not at Clarke, but in confusion and frustration that she was barley learning her husband was in the building, in her hospital. 

“You’ve been in surgery and I thought you might want to hear it from me instead.” 

Clarke followed her mother out of the office and led her to the floor he was being kept on. She watched as her mother stormed frantic into the room, immediately to her father’s side like she hadn’t been avoiding seeing him for months, like it wasn’t heart breaking every time to see him and know the man she loved was slipping away from her. 

“Jake?” 

Abby sat on the bed, grabbed his hand and placed one of hers on his cheek, ignoring the stubble that was growing. 

“Abby, thank God. They’ve been prodding me like a science experiment.” Jake said, holding Abby’s hand on his cheek. 

“How are you feeling? Tell me what hurts.”

“My head. My stomach. Mostly my head.”

Abby nodded taking his chart from Murphy who remained like a soldier on post by the bed. 

“Clarke, can you page Indra for us. I want to be briefed on what’s going on.”

“Abby, are you sure? Clarke’s just a ki-“

“Yeah, I’ll go.” Clarke interrupted, not ready to remember her Dad had missed out on her graduating med school and other milestones she wanted so badly for him to remember even though he couldn’t, no matter how many times Clarke told him every other Sunday. 

—

“Lex.”

Lexa looked up from her research on the newborn case, and was faced with a red eyed Clarke and immediately shoved the files in her lap off to the side and got up from the couch. 

“Clarke, what’s wrong?” Lexa asked worried, placing hands on the intern giving her once over to see if the pain was physical, but coming to the conclusion it wasn’t. 

“My dad’s here.” Clarke sniffled, letting herself be held and placing her head on Lexa’s shoulder. 

Lexa ran her hand up and down Clarke’s back, soothingly, and kissed the top of head, unsure of what else she could do in the moment. 

“Is he okay, what room? I can go check on him.” Lexa pulled back slightly, waiting for Clarke to tell her what to do, to tell her how to help her. 

“No. Mom’s with him right now.” 

Lexa nodded and continued holding the intern in her arms for another moment longer. 

“I need in on a surgical case. Dr. Lee had me on scut, but I can’t just sit around. I need a case.” Clarke finally said, pulling away, and wiping her eyes. 

Lexa wanted to say no. Wanted to tell Clarke to go and be with her father, but remembered how difficult it was for Clarke to look at her father and know he wasn’t truly there. 

“I have an E.T.S. this afternoon. You’ll scrub in.” Lexa said, willing to do whatever to make the blonde feel better. 

Professional or not. 

“Monty was excited about that.” Clarke managed to chuckle through some stray tears that were escaping from eyes again. 

“I’ll make it up to him.” Lexa whispered, wiping the tears from her girlfriend’s cheek and placing kisses instead. 

——

Reading the chart, Clarke was certain she never heard of anything like it before.

_Idiopathic Craniofacial Erythema_

A condition that causes a patient to blush constantly and without warrant. 

In hindsight, it didn’t seem so bad, but Clarke thought about every moment she was flustered, or embarrassed, or nervous and wondered how terrible it would be for everyone to see those emotions brought to life on her face with a flush.

“She blushes around me. Ignore it. Murphy, remember to be polite and respectful.” Lexa whispered to both Clarke and Murphy before walking into the patient’s room. 

If Clarke wasn’t having a rough day, she would have laughed at the scowl on Murphy’s face, but she was grateful Lexa requested him for the case as well and followed the attending into the room, ready to dedicate what attention and focus she had left onto the patient. 

“Hi Kelli.” Lexa smiled, standing in front of the patient’s bed. 

Kelli, was fairly young, not much older than twenty five with blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair skin. She was beautiful and for some reason Clarke thought she’d make the perfect elementary school teacher and was probably really good at making brownies. Normally, Clarke would avoid making assumptions or opinions about her patients, but she was more observant today, perk of being ‘focused’ she assumed. And Kelli seemed sweet and Lexa was determined to help her and she watched as Kelli looked up from her book slightly surprised at the addition of two new people and then back at Lexa. 

Immediately, blood rushed into Kelli’s cheeks and somewhat on her neck. It was more flush than Clarke had been expecting and the intern now understood why Kelli was here, despite the risks the surgery Lexa wanted to perform, would pose. 

“Dr. Woods, ah, I’m sorry. Goddammit.” Kelli sighed, embarrassed, trying to fan herself, and avoiding eye contact with all three doctors. 

Lexa moved closer to Kelli, which Clarke noticed only caused the poor girl to blush more, 

“Kelli, this might be the last time this happens.” Lexa smiled, seeming quite confident in the surgery. 

“I hope so.” Kelli sighed as the blush finally seemed to be going away only to come back again.

“Dr. Griffin, how are the labs?” 

Lexa didn't look at Clarke for her answer and proceeded with her standard patient tests. 

“H and H are stable. Chest x-rays show no acute process.” Clarke stated without having to look at Kelli’s chart. 

She spent thirty minutes before memorizing and understanding every thing she could. 

“Good. You ready to go?” Lexa nodded, finishing up and giving Kelli another warm smile.

“I’ve been ready since the third grade.”

“You remember and understand the possible side effects?”

“Constant sweating. Horner’s syndrome, only occurs in less than 1% of patients.”  
Kelli went on like they’d been over it a thousand times. 

“I think you’re ready then. Take her to pre-op. I’ll let the OR know we’re coming.” Lexa told Clarke and Murphy, before making her exit to prepare for her surgery.

“Just to clarify, you understand all the side effects. This is a big surgery for a little bit of blushing.” Murphy said, not able to be as nice and courteous without Lexa in the room. 

But before Clarke could scold him for his insensitivity, Kelli interrupted with an irritated sigh. 

“Is that what you think this is? A little bit of blushing? I can’t admire another person or appreciate a cute doctor without everyone knowing. How would you feel every time you thought someone was pretty or handsome, you turned red like an apple?” Kelli retorted causing Murphy to blush himself with embarrassment and mumble a bunch of words before stepping out of the room with nothing more then a nod, leaving Clarke alone with the patient. 

Clarke watched him go and gave Kelli an apologetic look, moving to prep her for surgery. The two were silent for a moment, but Clarke could feel Kelli wanted to say more. 

“It’s constant. Anytime I have a feeling for someone in my life…I can’t feel anything without the whole world knowing. Can you imagine living your entire life that way?” Kelli finally got out, throwing her head back on a pillow, while Clarke lowered her bed, ready to transport to an OR. 

Truthfully, Clarke didn’t want to fathom it. Not ever. Not today, but somehow. Somehow, as she helped a nurse roll Kelli down to the OR, she felt everyone somehow knew how she felt. Especially today. No matter how well she thought she could hide it. 

——

“How is he?”

Lexa closed the door behind her and locked it as Abby looked at scans on a wall. 

Lexa noticed the heaviness and worry in the older doctor’s shoulders and remembered earlier how it also sat on Clarke’s. 

This was familiar yet unfamiliar territory for her. She lost her father years ago. He had died right in front of her after a baseball game all for the watch on his wrist and the wallet in his back pocket. There had been no waiting in a hospital, no tests ran by doctors in an x-ray room, no hopes, no prays whispered, nothing. Her father just died and Lexa didn’t know the pain of the uncertainty that lingered in the air. 

“C.T. confirmed diverticulitis, but a mass was also found in the liver.” Abby answered, stress clear in her voice. 

“Liver cancer? Does Clarke know?”

“Not yet. I just saw the labs myself. We haven’t done a biopsy yet, so nothing’s for sure.” Abby sighed, trying to wipe the tiredness from her eyes. 

Lexa and Abby’s relationship was unique. When Lexa was a young, innocent intern, she was nervous to even work with the ‘Great Abigail Griffin’ and somehow that all changed when Abby asked her if she wanted to scrub in one Christmas Eve on a six hour surgery. After that, Abby took a liking to her and taught her almost everything she knew to be the surgeon she was today. It also helped that they got on well outside of the OR and Abby was always there to offer words of wisdom and relationship advice when it came to Costia. And a lot of the time so was Jake. Jake, who before the Alzheimers, was dragged to galas, boring dinners, and fundraisers, always stuck by Lexa’s side noticing how uncomfortable she found such events cracking jokes and telling her how much his daughter and her would get along. Jake, who helped her fix the leaky pipe in her mother’s house. Jake who once brought her chicken noodle soup when she had the flu and Costia was out of town. Jake was a good, honest man who didn't deserve what was happening to him, no one did. And Lexa was going to do every thing she could to help him. Anything to help keep the man Abby and Clarke both loved immensely. 

“Right. Keep me updated, let me know if there’s anything I can do.” Lexa nodded more than necessary, but not knowing what else to do or say. 

“She’s scrubbing in with you?” Abby looked up from scans. 

“Thought she might need a distraction.” Lexa explained with a sigh knowing it wouldn’t help much, but hoping it would just a little. 

“I see.”

“You need me?”

This time, it was Abby who nodded. 

“Lincoln is in surgery all day. Brooks is at the conference in Portland. Costia is trying to figure out the situation with the abandoned newborn upstairs.”

“I’ll do the biopsy. The surgery should be quick. I’ll do it tonight.” Lexa said, without question. 

It’d be a little tricky, getting out of Kelli’s surgery quickly without Clarke noticing, but she would be able to do it. 

“Thank you.” Abby sighed, pulling Lexa into an unexpected hug. 

“You’d do the same for me.” 

“Mother’s aren’t allowed to work on their children.”

Lexa chuckled at the statement and let go, grabbing Jake’s scans. 

“Everything will be okay. May not seem like it, but it’ll be okay.” Lexa said, before Abby gave her a sad smile not seeming like she believed it, and left the room. 

—

“What are you doing in here?”

Lexa looked up from the little baby girl, trying to squeeze her finger, but not strong enough to do so. 

“Checking on my patient.” Lexa replied, pulling her stethoscope from around her neck and listening to the newborn’s heart beat. 

“You changed your mind?” Costia walked up next to her, looking as exhausted as every one seemed to be lately. 

Lexa, honestly didn’t know what changed her mind about the little abandoned baby with a mountain of health problems she wasn’t sure she’d be able to fix, but she knew she should at least try. If it was her child, she would have wanted the doctors to try, but then again she wouldn’t have abandoned her child and left them with a drug addiction. 

“You’re right. Someone needs to fight for the little one.” Lexa barley whispered, running the tests she could on the tiny body. 

She could feel Costia’s eyes on her as she did her job and jotted some notes down in a chart. Eventually, she looked up again, only to see her ex-fiancé fiddle with an envelope, an envelope that looked important. Lexa was surprised when Costia handed it to her. 

“What’s this?”

“You remember when you began the brain stem research? You couldn’t get enough funding so you had to stop all your work.” 

It was a couple of months after her and Costia were engaged and Lexa had thrown herself into a brain stem project she’d been working on for some time. The research was pivotal and if she’d been able to get more time and the proper funding, she would have probably made medical history with her research. But circumstances changed and after a slew of unfortunate events, Lexa put a pause on her research and had nearly forgot all about the grant she received to continue it. 

“They wanted me to move to Vancouver. We just got engaged, we um, just lost uh, I said no.” Lexa remembered, feeling a certain kind of sadness she hadn’t felt in a while. 

A sadness she never really allowed herself to feel anymore. 

Costia took a deep breath, somehow knowing what was going through the other attending’s mind and feeling it as well. 

“It came in for you at the practice. At first I didn’t know what it was. Figured it was another promotion or information packet. Didn’t open it till a couple days when all our, my mail was redirected here.”

Lexa opened the envelope and let her eyes scan across sentences and words of congratulations. 

“They’re offering full funding…” Lexa finally got out, feeling shock and unable to believe it. 

She worked hard on the brain stem research and she was passionate about it. She was so close to a break through, she almost let herself forget why she stopped the research at all in the first place. And reading the words in the letter, it was waking something in her again and she wasn’t sure how to feel or think about it just yet. 

“They still want you in Vancouver.” Costia added quietly, not sure if she was the right person anymore to be discussing this with Lexa.

“This is…, I never thought..” Lexa said, still in shock and amazement they remembered her and wanted to fund her research. 

“Congratulations. I know how hard you worked on the proposal. How dedicated you were to see this through.” Costia smiled sincerely despite everything. 

“I can’t believe it.”

“You’re one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. What’s there not to believe?”

“The timing. Isn’t right. I can’t leave now..”

Lexa’s thoughts went to how settled she was in Seattle. How much she loved it here and the work she was doing. How much she enjoyed the people, her friends, and more importantly Clarke. She couldn’t leave. Especially right now, she couldn’t do that to Clarke, she wouldn’t. 

“Lexa..” Costia sighed, disapprovingly. 

“I’m happy here. With what I’m doing.” Lexa set the letter down, not wanting to have to think about it in the midst of the day’s events. 

“You have time to think about it. You shouldn’t pass up on something like this. This kind of research, it can save hundreds of lives.”

Lexa tried to ignore Costia’s words. Tried to ignore how much her heart raced and the hairs on the back of her neck stood thinking about the lives she could save, the medical breakthroughs she could make. She pushed all of that to the back and directed her attention to the newborn trying to squeeze her finger again, instead the baby failed and began to cry. 

“Hey, hey, shhh. I’m going to fix you all up.” Lexa whispered, hoping she could at least do that in mayhem that was the last 24 hours. 

—

“Her B.P.s stabilizing.” Costia smiled, watching the newborn, two hours after a seven hour surgery. 

Lexa couldn’t help but smile herself knowing it was indeed a huge miracle they both performed in the operating room. A miracle she thought was impossible 36 hours ago. 

“The surgery worked. Against all odds.” Lexa whispered, leaning over the plastic box the baby girl was in. 

“She’s beautiful.” 

Costia gently ran her fingers over the baby’s rising and falling chest. 

“She is. Hopefully, she’ll get to grow up.”

Costia nodded, looking up like she had a lot of things she wanted to see, but wasn’t sure if she could. 

“I know how hard it was for you to take this case. Thank you.” Costia said after a moment of silence. 

Lexa knew the truth and meaning and understanding behind the other doctor’s words. Costia knew more than anyone else would. She went through it herself and Lexa wondered how it was Costia could do what she did so well and seem so unaffected with the cases she dealt with despite how deeply she felt about each and every one of them. 

“It’s my job, Costia. I wouldn’t be much of a God if I didn’t use my powers to save babies with low survival rates.” Lexa tried to lighten the mood, not sure if she’d ever truly be ready to talk about what the former couple went through. 

“I know it’s your job. After the miscarriages, I know you took it hard and you taking this case-“

“I’m fine. If anything I should be more concerned with you. Working around all these babies, saving their lives. You do amazing work. And despite me calling you Satan, and you sleeping with my best friend, I still think you’re a decent person and an incredible doctor.”

It was true. It took three miscarriages for Lexa and Costia to stop trying and to realize they wouldn’t have a child, not one that would come genetically from them at least. And all through it, Costia was the strong one between the two of them. It was Costia who woke up in the middle of the night, a puddle of blood between her legs, it was Costia who was forced to give birth to a child who was already gone once they came out, and yet all through it Costia was the strong one. Costia was the one who’d cheer Lexa up, Costia was the one who believed these things happened for a reason, Costia was the one who carried them both through the grief of it all and Lexa knew that deep down in her heart she could never truly hate Costia for how their relationship ended. She could be upset and bitter and angry about the actions and circumstances that led up to it, but truthfully she could never hate Costia. She couldn’t hate the woman who was the mother of their three, gone before they could even live, children.

“Thank you.” Costia said quietly, looking at Lexa differently than she had seen in a long time and wiping a tear from her eye.

Lexa knowing all the unsaid words between them in that moment, hugged her ex-fiancé. She hugged her for a moment and moved to pull back only to be pulled in closer unexpectedly. And before she even knew it was going to happen, she felt the familiarity of Costia’s lips on hers and immediately pushed her ex away. 

“Costia. You shouldn’t have done that.” Lexa shook her head, covering part of her mouth with her hand, feeling dirty and guilty though she wasn’t the one who initiated it. 

“You’re right. It’s been an emotional day. I’m sorry.” Costia nodded, running her hand through her hair knowing she was wrong and had made a mistake, possibly ruining all the progress she’d made in getting back in Lexa’s good graces. 

“I got to go.”

With that, Lexa was out of the NICU and off to find Clarke, uncertain if she should tell her about all that had just happened. 

The decision however was not hers to make because as she stepped out of the room, Clarke was standing right in front of her. 

 

——

“Are you sure this is good idea?”

Murphy was peaking around the corner hoping a resident or attending wouldn’t be coming around to question how suspicious they looked trying to steal labs, Clarke apparently ‘knew for sure’ were behind the counter. 

“It’s our only option if we’re going to see what’s truly going on with my dad. Besides, my mother wouldn’t tell me.” Clarke whispered back, rummaging through folders and finally finding what she was looking for.

She scanned her eyes over the papers and noticed Lexa’s name in the ‘Labs Requested By’ section and was confused. 

Lexa would have told her if she had requested the labs for her father or if there was anything else up with her father. At least she thought she would. 

“Funny.”

“What?” Murphy asked as the two slowly made their way down the hall, not wanting to bring any extra attention.

“Lexa requested these.” Clarke sighed, not wanting to feel disappointed yet that her girlfriend had left her clueless and in the dark about her dad’s medical condition. 

“She couldn’t have. She would have told us, well you at least.” Murphy added, not believing it either. 

But seeing that Lexa was the doctor who requested the labs wasn’t the only thing that caught the intern’s attention. The words and medical terms that meant liver cancer also caught her attention and broke her heart all in the matter of three seconds. 

“What’s wrong?”

“My dad has liver cancer.” Clarke said, feeling the burden of what those words meant, heavy on her tongue. 

“Are you sure?” 

Murphy took the labs from Clarke and read them himself, double checking Clarke was right. 

Clarke nodded as they turned the corner in front of the NICU. Immediately, Clarke noticed the scrub cap on one of the bodies in front of her next to one of the plastic boxes holding a baby. It was a scrub cap with boats that Clarke got Lexa as a joke and to tease her about her odd obsession with ferry boats. Lexa however, loved it and deemed the scrub cap her ‘lucky’ scrub cap and had been wearing it in a majority of her surgeries lately. Clarke also recognized the other woman as well and felt her blood begin to boil when the two doctors hugged and one of the doctor’s leaned in to kiss her girlfriend before being pushed away instantly. 

“Of course.” Clarke muttered, still watching as Lexa said something and walked out of the room and stood right in front of her. 

—

“Clarke..”

Clarke shook her head and turned to walk away, but Lexa gently grabbed her arm and stopped her. 

Clarke was nowhere near a stable emotional state to deal with this new situation and even though she watched Lexa shove Costia away, it still hurt to see her girlfriend get kissed by her ex-fiancé. 

“Don’t. Please. Don’t.” Clarke tried to shake the brunette off, but was pulled into and empty room before being let go of. 

“I wished you didn't see that. I’m sorry. I pushed her away, but I don’t know why she thought that was okay and-” Lexa was rambling seeming extremely upset and guilty. 

“You disappeared after the surgery with Kelli and performed a biopsy on my dad.” Clarke interrupted angrily at the other doctor. 

Lexa seemed surprised at Clarke’s words and sighed, looking more guilty than before.

“Yes.” Lexa said quietly.

“You knew? You knew he had cancer and you didn't say anything.” Clarke raised her voice, cross that Lexa had kept this from her. 

“I didn’t know for sure until after we did the biopsy. We had suspicions. I wanted to tell you. Your mother, she wanted to wait until we had run all the tests. Until we were sure.” Lexa spewed out quickly trying to explain. 

Clarke paced back and forth, trying to cool down, but her emotions were running high and she was upset and angry, not just at Lexa, but at everything that had transpired in the last 40 hours. 

“You should have told me. You say you love me, you choose me, but you hid that my father, the man I love most in this life, is sick and he’s going to die.”

“I was goi-“

Lexa tried to get closer to her, but Clarke found herself pushing the attending back from getting closer. 

“Just go away.”

“No.” Lexa said matter of factly, surprising Clarke for a moment. 

“Lex-“

“No, I’m not going anywhere.” Lexa shook her head no and stood her ground, not leaving anytime soon.

Clarke grunted in frustration and eventually let out a sigh of defeat and exhaustion. While she was still upset, she was tired, and drained and with how Lexa was looking at her, guilt deep and remorseful, she didn’t feel like fighting anymore.

“I can’t trust you if you don’t tell me the important stuff. If you keep hiding things from me. I’m your girlfriend, I love you, and Costia kissed you and I saw you push her away, but-“

“She kissed me and I went to get you dad’s test and-“

“Murphy and I stole them.”

Clarke sat down on the empty hospital bed and put her head in her hands, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. 

“Every thing was fine. I mean it wasn’t. My dad still has alzheimer’s, but work, you and me, we were fine and now my dad has cancer and Costia kissed you.”

“I had a feeling. I had a feeling everything was going to shit and I know most of the time he doesn’t remember me, but he’s still my dad. I still need him here. I still love him even if most days he doesn’t remember he loves me too. And I love you and-”

Clarke was crying now even though she told herself she wouldn’t. She felt Lexa’s arm around her and a kiss placed gently on top of her head. It wasn’t much, but it was everything. Especially in that moment. 

“We’ll figure it out. Whatever happens, we will figure it out.” Lexa whispered after a moment, once Clarke had gone silent and the tears had stopped. 

“We?” 

Clarke looked up, letting Lexa push hair behind her ear. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Clarke. I told you. I’m yours. Forever. As long as you’ll have me, as long as you love me, I’m yours.” 

Lexa placed her forehead on Clarke’s and for a while they both stayed like that. Not moving. Not speaking. Just sitting. Clarke letting Lexa comfort her. 

“We have to talk. I think we should talk. She kissed you.” Clarke nearly whispered, breaking the silence. 

She wasn’t too worried anymore about seeing Costia and Lexa kissing. She saw Lexa push Costia away and how upset the attending was by the action, but deep down it annoyed her that there was still someone else who wanted he girlfriend and it irritated Clarke that Lexa let herself be in a position to be kissed. 

“I know. I didn’t want that to happen. I don’t want her. I want you. I love you, Clarke.” Lexa whispered back without a hint of doubt or hesitation. 

“Okay.” Clarke sighed knowing they’ll probably have to talk more about it later. 

“You should see him. He was lucid the last I saw him. He’s groggy, but he’s him right now.” 

Lexa eyed Clarke carefully from beside her and Clarke got up from the bed knowing the attending was right. She had spent the whole day avoiding her father, scared of what him being in the hospital meant. Now her fears were warranted and the gravity of it all was finally weighing down on her. 

Clarke nodded, but lingered for a moment not wanting to leave Lexa just yet. Not sure if she could see her father alone. 

Lexa read her mind and hugged her once more and kissing her sweetly. After another moment, both doctors left the room and down to Jake’s room were Clarke fidgeted nervously outside the door. 

“I’ll be here.” Lexa told her, giving one more kiss and stayed behind while Clarke walked in.

For two hours, Jake was the father Clarke remembered him to be. They talked and sat together, talking about what Clarke felt was important, was big, every single thing she could think of, every moment when she just wanted to call her father and tell him about, but couldn’t. They talked and sat together for two hours and within a blink of the eye her father forgot everything they just talked about. All Clarke could do was take a deep breath and wonder how much longer could this go on for. How much longer will her father remember, only to forget. How much longer her father would even be here at all.


End file.
